Desperate,

Welcome to the board.

You will find no judgment here. Whether your husband is guilty or innocent or has jay walked or robbed a bank, we don't care. And, yes, if he has committed a sex offense, we don't care either.

We do not judge. PERIOD. Everyone here is either going through the same thing you are or has already done so. We may be the only group of people on the planet Earth that truly understand how you feel and the emotions you are feeling.

I served time in prison for the rape of a minor and I was not even guilty, so no judgment from me. The criminal justice system is so inefficient that it would be silly to judge anyone.

There are some ladies here that are very compassionate and you will find the kind of support you need.

Glad you found us.

rewdiazepam

My story is a little like yours. My fianc was married before, and on the eve of another deployment to Iraq, he was arrested for allegedly molesting his daughter (stepdaughter). It turns out that the 17-year-old-girl didn't like the plans that her parents had made for the kids while he was going to be gone and she decided to make a big stink about it. He's been locked up for 10+ years with a few more to go.

Thank you to both of the responses. I am glad that i found this place to bc i am at my breaking point. My husband is looking at 5 to 99 over words and nothing more.

There are so many men convicted of this when they did nothing.

My fiance wouldn't sign over his parental rights so his ex could have her new husband adopt their son. So she accused him of touching her daughter, years before. He was convicted, because he was not told appropriate info by a new public defender that convinced him it would go easy if he pled guilty. This is the shorter version of the whole story. So he is a SO for the last 25 years. Oh people do find him on the internet, spread it around that he is horrible,, spread terrible things about him. My family hates him, and hasn't spent more than 4 hours in 15 years with him.

Another guy in prison with him a couple years ago, has a similar story to yours. His daughter, aged about 15 at the time, was told by both parents to not hang around with a new friend, that she was bad news. Involved in drugs etc. Mom backed down a bit, Dad didn't. This was a good family man. He drove over the road, provided them with a good life, loved his kids.

He forbid his daughter to be with this girl, so the two girls drummed up the story that he molested the friend. Daughter testified to it too. Later, I guess the girls had a falling out. The daughter tried to recant her testimony. The Dad was convicted of it, and got 8 years. His wife and kids abandoned him for partying, and life just got worse and worse for him. I don't think he is out yet, I feel bad for him. His life is ruined because of his daughter's tantrum and doing what they did.

Who does this to someone? I never, no matter what I am mad at a person for, would ruin their lives.

Yes, I understand.

Thank you all for the support. I continue to pray and remain strong....i hate having to sneek around to talk to my husband bc my family wants me to let go bc he has nothing to offer according to them. I also hate acting like i dont love him around certain ppl....its really against my morals to lie like that but ive found out very quickly that sometimes its best to avoid arguments and move on. I am trying to save up to move but its really hard with one income. Recently my ex husband found out about the situation thx to my mom running her mouth and now he is keeping me from seeing them and asked me that he wants to sign my rights over.....i just want my husband back and my family back to being happy.

Thank you all for the support. I continue to pray and remain strong....i hate having to sneek around to talk to my husband bc my family wants me to let go bc he has nothing to offer according to them. I also hate acting like i dont love him around certain ppl....its really against my morals to lie like that but ive found out very quickly that sometimes its best to avoid arguments and move on. I am trying to save up to move but its really hard with one income. Recently my ex husband found out about the situation thx to my mom running her mouth and now he is keeping me from seeing the boys and asked me that he wants to sign my rights over.....i just want my husband back and my family back to being happy.

Just never sign over your rights. You have a right to love who you love. If you have been a good parent to them, it is not even something to consider. Fight like hell.

I hate people that judge and don't listen to the facts. Your family is wrong to treat you like this and assume he is guilty. This is the same as what my family has done to us. I am a grandma for god's sakes and my mom is taking me out of their will unless I leave mine. Well, I won't ever leave him. I know he was innocent of those charges on him, too. Why do people assume this couldn't be a lie? Why do they assume that it couldn't happen to them at any time or someone they love? What about all he did with them and for them before. It is ludicrous.

It changed how I felt for the ones that said bad things about him to me, and treated me like I didn't have a brain, and didn't know right from wrong.

Don't lie, stand up to them. I have had to. We still avoid talking about him, which I hate. My mom won't even say his name. But he has been nothing but good to my granddaughter, and even them. He does nice things for them all the time, but won't let me tell them it isn't just me doing it.

Oh my mom is like that too, and we are their daughter's for god's sake, Where is their love for us? Why would they spread rumors and untrue gossip about us and the people we love? That is not motherly love. My mom just thrives on gossiping even about me, her own daughter. She has only spent a total of maybe 4 hours in FIFTEEN years with my fiance, but because from the beginning people told her bad things about him, nothing I said, or nothing he did changed her evil mind. I lost so much respect and love for my mom. It made me remember she was not a good mom. My brother said that too. We just " forgot" about it because she was old now. Well that is no excuse for blatant cruelty. Still at our ages they mentally abuse us and that's ok???

I did hide it for a long time we were still together. Then I thought NO MORE. He is my life, my love and I will defend him to ANYONE no matter who they are if they are saying bad things.

I think this sort of thing happens a lot with step kids being jealous of their new step dad's role in their lives, and especially of the time that you spend with him, that she feels takes away from her time with her. BUT that being said, she is 13, not a baby. She has heard about doing these things from other kids. They are now about to be grown ups, but not quite. They are asserting their independence. And that is another thing. In a short time, if not already, she is not going to want mom in her life as she did when she was little. Her friends will become more important. Yet, she still is jealous of your time with your new husband. And from what I know, kids always resent mom for not making their marriage work, and keeping their family together. Not so much the dad. My kids were almost ignored growing up by their dad, as I was. But now as older " kids", daddy is there for them, he helps them financially, he helps remodel their homes, he babysits. I don't live near them now, he does. He became the father he never was once we were divorced. I did not divorce him til my youngest was 18 and oldest was almost 23 and out on their own. Not like they were young kids. I wasn't supposed to find love again. Wouldn't of mattered WHO I married or lived with. But Daddy married 6 months after our divorce and they LOVE step mommy.

Thirteen year olds are not quite adults, but think they are, and not quite kids anymore. They don't even know that their brains are not fully developed at this age, and that their choices and decisions are not totally based on reality or fact. The courts should recognize that too. What she said should be taken with a grain of salt, and it should be looked more at of what HIS character and personality and habits were and are. Who your husband truly is. Not what a jealous 13 yr old, probably prompted by friends concocted.

She saw doing this as a way to get him out of your lives and have her mommy back. But then she will continue to grow up and not want you hanging out with her regularly anyway.

I read about the teenage brain in my psychology classes. It is not prepared to make important decisions at this stage of time, of her growing up process. So much is happening in her body and her brain, that it is completely logical this is made up, and should be looked at as that way by the court too.

Years from now, she will realize what she did. And if she doesn't do something now to recant, it could ruin his and your life. And she won't have a damn thing she can do about it. BUT even then if she does, the court sometimes will not accept her recanting it. I have a friend who this happened to.

Then you bring out these facts about her brain not being developed enough to make this kind of conscience decision to do this. You get a psychologist to testify in your husband's behalf about this. Look it up. You will see.

You still have time to fight this with all your might.

I know you are very conflicted because she is your daughter. But she didn't think twice how lying would hurt you and him too. She just wanted it her way. That is her immaturity doing it. Years from now she will agonize over what she did, so this needs to be nipped in the bud now.

@I hate Wisconsin. .thank you for ur reply . Everyday is a struggle for me....my one and only friend doesnt understand why im choosing my husband thru all of this and my daughter is sooo angry that its so hard to talk to her. She has been in and out of a mental heath hospital claiming that she hears voices and when she has a "mental breakdown" it usually comes after i tell her no. And from what the docs have said she suffers from psychosis...which i dont understand why everyone is still against me.....thank you for ur guidance and complete support...you all are amazing.

No problem. Glad if I can help in any way.

Your one friend, as you said is no friend if she can't support you or at least understand why you feel this way. With your daughter's history, why can't people see she fabricated this?

My son in law was charged with raping his girlfriends daughter. We are waiting trial. He is home and released on his or. And living with us. At the same time my daughter is in jail and in trouble in 2 different counties. She isnt living with us. She has been sentenced to 16 months in prison but is waiting a hearing in another county to revoke her probation. don't know what time if any she will get with that. I am new to all this too. My daughter and I we both sexually abused as children and nothing was done in either case. I feel for those men who have done nothing and are accused. I will keep you in my prayers.

Bc my husband has a past and no one can see him like i see him and thats what i dont get....you go to church and say only god can be a judge....why r u trying to be the judge in this situation. .....sorry not towards u...speaking out towards her.....i guess what they say is true....a person finds out who their true friends are when $#!+ gets really.....thx Wisconsin and everyone else here. I know im not crazy

So today my daughter and i have our first counciling appt today and im a little scared bc its thru cps (child protective services) and the reason being is bc i know cps already takes what u say and twist it up to benefit them....is this going to be the same??

I hope it goes well. I know we can't trust them. They DO twist things. Just be brief in your answers. Don't say more than you need to.

Be prepared for it to be really uncomfortable in there, and after. Kids do not take to these counseling sessions well. I had to go with my son for awhile. The counselor was 25, no kids, and was advising me how to handle my out of control son. He was getting so angry, he would get up and leave.

I finally got mad too. I said to her, How do you think you can advise me how to handle a teenager? Do you have kids? She said No, but I have lots of degrees.

I laughed at her and said Oh those will tell you how to handle a kid for sure. NOT!!! I then said I think you should have to do like an internship. You come to my house for 2 weeks, and handle him, I will go on vacation and not answer your calls. After that two weeks, you can then tell me how your degrees helped you to handle that situation. Then we can talk, otherwise, I think we will get a different, older, more experienced in life counselor. And with that, we quit her, and set up one with an older man. That didn't go that well either because my son hated it. But we were forced to go.