I could NEVER imagine my life without my man, so that's why I stick by him... He is my life, and I will do everything in my power to help him. This is the time they need support from their partners/wives the most!

I see your point. I just feel like he wasn't honest with me from the beginning and now I'm held back in settling down with someone because of his lies and actions. IT's not fair, and I am feeling very angry. Even now, his sister told me he will owe 11k after he gets out, but does my fiance even tell me this himself? NOOOOO, he still hasn't told me this and it's a huge debt to have. I wanted to enjoy a certain life style and not worry or struggle with money, b/c I have gone to school and worked hard to get to where I am. I don't feel like it's right that I have to go backwards because of some one elses mistake. IT's just wrong. Thanks for your words. I do love my man, but It's very hard right now. I'm frustrated right now b/c I see all these couples and families enjoying themselves, but I am still single and still alone. The time I spent with this man I could have build something better and more fruitful, but it was all built on lies. I am only blaming myself b/c I made this mistake. I should have listened to my gut.

No one can tell you what to do. But, my Mom said it best to me years ago. She said "you can marry for money, live a good life and learn to love them or you can marry for love, struggle and learn to make concessions.

The choice is yours to make, but I think true love is priceless! Good luck to you in whatever decision you make. ;-)

Trust your gut. If its not meant to be then it wont be.

Good luck on your journey :)

I love my guy with all my heart and soul and can't imagine life without him. He's an incredible, loving, sweet, kind man who acted out of desperation and regrets it every moment we're apart. I'm living for the day he comes home.

I couldn't have a relationship with a man I don't trust. From what you've learned already, there may be more negative revelations to come. Perhaps it's a good thing that you aren't married to this man.

Not all charming men make good husbands or good fathers.

The problems you are facing in your relationship can only truly be resolved once he is out. I'm struggling to resolve issues in my own relationship but am holding on until he is out to solve them. I know given the circumstances of my and his situation that we would need counseling as well as lifestyle changes to be made. None of which can happen while he's halfway across the country and locked up. It's up to you to decide if the problems you face are worth the wait to work through. Once you make that decision only then can you deal with how you're feeling. I'm about to be a single mom myself since my boyfriend doesn't have a release date yet, so I can understand your frustration with where your relationship has led you. I would say you have to make the best with what you've got. If you truly love him have the strength to stand up for yourself and stop enabling him to rely on you financially. I send my boyfriend very minimal amounts of money and it's set up strictly for communication with me. He doesn't get packages or books, magazines or even a t.v. because I simply can't afford it. I have a son to provide for as well as myself and he would never make me choose him over any of that. These are things you need to seriously think about in relation to your guy. I understand that investing 3 1/2 years is a lot. I have invested 4 and since he's been in there I never felt like I wasted my time being with him. Good luck with your decision and let us know what you decide. We are all here to support you.

Its harder for them in there with no one to connect them to the outside. Think of everything he's going through. you are the only one that is helping him ... Do whatever is best for you but to be honest, I stay with my guy because I can't think of a day going by without him. He makes me shine. I make him shine. We complement each other. yea, we have some work to do with us... but nothing too drastic that we can't solve it when he gets home. We are best friends and we share everything ... Maybe your guy was embarassed or didnt know how to tell you. maybe he was afraid of what you'd think.... give him a little credit... I'm a single mom and I have three kids. I take care of my man. I pay for the lawyer. I pay for everything he has needed since being there. I pay for all three of my kids.... If i can do it, you can. its a struggle ... its tiring. Its hard to do... but we get by... When my man comes home... I'll be here for him... Like I always have been. Its your life. Its whatever you want out of it. Just consider everything before you leave him to fend for himself.... with no one... and nothing..

Yes it is harder for them in there, but their actions put them there. Plus my fiance has not been completely upfront and honest with me. I know there is more to this story than what he has told me. I am going to buy one last item for his package at walmart and then find a way to get his boots b/c of the winter snow will be unbearable where he is right now. I just am resentful of the fact that for the whole time we were together, he had this looming over him, and he knew and didn't tell me, I feel very violated.

I guess it depends on your relationship. I am married, so it is a bit different for me. We promised for better/worse, richer/poorer, in sickness and health. I do not make promises that I don't/won't keep, and if it were me that were having a rough time I would want him to stand by me no matter what too. It would be the same thing if he got really sick because of something that maybe he shouldn't have done like smoking or eating unhealthy foods. There are no guarantees in life. If you love someone, you love them. No matter what life throws at you, who makes a mistake, etc. That being said, dishonesty is certainly something that I do not take lightly. If you love him tell him to come clean and no more lies. Just my two cents... :)

Hopemagnet,
I agree totally as I am married also and will stand by my husband. Love is a funny thing. Some people do not understand how we can stand by them after they have done something terrible. The thing is they do not know how they would handle the situation as they are not in it and if they were they might be surprised.

tsmom, you are very wise... as are you hopemagnet... We hold onto the men we love because maybe of marriage vows or maybe because they mean so much that we'd do anything to help... my guy and I went out when I was 16... we were young.. we lost touch... for 11 years.. after that we found each other again and it was just as hot and bizarre as if we had never gone 11 years apart... we have been together for 3 years now... just because he hit a rock in a bad place doesn't mean that I'm just going to leave him... He has had a rough time with his kid's mother... perhaps there may be things that I don't know yet but so far, he's been very honest with me... What I think you need to do, hyerin77, is talk to him. Ask him to tell you everything that he's ashamed of and embarrassed to talk to you about. Marriage will have to wait at this point. That's not something to get into lightly. Trust me! I know plenty of people that have married and divorced in a short time. You have kids. It has to be the right time for everyone... If you care for him and want this to be the kind of relationship that there is complete trust and love and respect, you both need to talk... I think that that kind of solving can wait till he comes home but if you need answers now, tell him to come clean... This life is not for everyone. You have to prove to yourself and everyone else how strong you are... You can't be ashamed of what everyone else thinks.. You have to be strong without resentment... Just my experience with this and I've only been doing this 4 months... but I plan to stick with my guy till he comes home to me... Good luck to you... whatever you decide to do... make it the choice that you can live with... you can never go back...