welcome to our support group. I can honestly say I can understand what you are going through; not have a clue. I guess you'll have to understand what I call the new normal. 30 months is quite a while and you'll need support in the free world in addition to our moral support here. Look up the website for your local criminal justice system. They should have a handbook for the families of prisoners. This will explain what his life will be like in prison (or jail). Look through some of the posts here and you'll discover others questions. For me; the state website answered a lot of questions. When you write or call just keep a positive attitude and try to recall past good times you've had together.

Hi and welcome iam sorry that you had to find us but we do get what your going though its scary and feels like the world is going to crash in on you. Make sure he knows your number so he can call you and as soon as you know where he is find out about visits, letters yes that first letter can be hard but tell him how you feel and that you still want to support him. But most importantly give your self a bit of time to get you head around take it day by day or min by min whatever works for you.
There's normally someone hear that you can talk to and no we won't judge you but we will listen to even if its just a good old rant and rave at the system we even manage to have a few laughs.
Hang in there hugs.

I am glad you found us. We do help and support each other alot. I wouldn't of survived the last 3 years and the times before, without DS friends.

My son and fiance have been in and out a few times.

Write to him about your day, your feelings, and what's going on with people you know. I send him copies of articles in the local newspaper, write about his favorite sport, nascar racing, etc.

I tell him gossip, oh anything to keep him feeling a part of this outside world.

It is going to get a little easier day by day. Then you will find triggers like seeing happy people, happy couples. Holidays will be rough. I try to think of them just as another day, not some special thing. In my case, my family holidays have become nightmares anyway.

I ask his advice on things, so he feels included in our life even when he isn't home.

Believe it or not mine is finally getting out after 3 years. It's been hard. Very hard in so many ways. Now the last 3 weeks feel like years, but it does happen, they do come home, and we do cope in some ways. You just gotta keep busy.

welcome to one the most supportive, non judgemental places you can be right now. I myself have just recently joined and I have to say it has been one of the best things I have done for myself yet. I'm always on here if you need to chat. :)

Welcome to our group. I'm sorry you had to join us but I am also really gad that you did. You will find all sorts of great advice, incredible support and even a few laughs around this lovely group.

Hopefully you have a good support network where you are, but we are here to support you as we'll.

Thank you all so much for all the kind and supportive words! Its great to know that other people are in a similar situation and dealing with the same feelings and thoughts that you are. Its in a sense comforting that I am not alone is this situation.

How long was it before they were able to contact you? I herd it depends on facility and all but could be up to two weeks before everything gets cleared and they can call or buy stamps to write.

It's different in every facility. I would call where he is and ask if you have to set up a phone account with the company they use. Usually you will have to.

Hello! Just wanted to welcome you and say that you have come to a great place. I recently joined and it has helped me already to know that I am not all alone. Unfortunately there are lots of people in the situation we are in, but we can all help each other through this and that is what is great about being in this group. I wanted to tell you that I got most of the information about where he is (ie: visitation policy, phone info, how to put money in an account for him) from the department of corrections website for our state. I could even click on the link for pictures of the facility where he is and that helped me for some reason... :) Best of luck to you!

Yes, I read everything that i could find on the Bureau of Prisons websites. including the inmate admission and orientation handbook which is about 50 pages long. It was helpful but theres nothing like hearing it from him. Its only been 24 hours and I already miss him.

Welcome to the group!
I saw you said you read on the bureau of prisons, I am thinking he is in Federal, right??
If I am correct, you need to moneygram money to his account. He will not be able to make any calls without it. My brother went in March 2012, and he had a money order with him, so we could not figure out why he had not called.. They old any money orders unless from the Post Office, for 10 days. He called as soon as he knew there was money on his account.
You can look on Amazon, there are alot of books written by ex inmates that will give you lots of insight. Once you get that first call you will feel better. Some how, some way, you get used to it and learn to make the best of another chapter in your life. I did not believe this, but now that I am nearing the end, I know this is true!
I would let him know that you are planning on being there from beginning to end, he needs to know you will be there. I think the ones in prison actually deal with it better than us on the outside alot of the time.
Feel free to message me if there is anything I can help you with as far as info on someone in Federal. I have learned alot over the last 17 months.

@Stacyanne

Yes he is in federal. Thankfully a low security prison, and by the sounds of everything I have read, and talking to an ex inmate from the prison it isn't a horrible prison. But still...it sucks majorly.

And ya I think we got the money thing all worked out. Figured how to do it through USPS, Moneygram and Western Union.

EVERY TIME my phone rings my heart skips a beat hoping its him, but I know it will be at least a couple more days before I hear from him.

I sent my first card/letter today! it was very hard to do, but by the end I was excited to drop it off at the post office - I think that was a good sign. I dont know if I did it right and just know he will most likely get it before he will be able to call/email/write back which bothers me a little as he would always call as soon as he got a package or card or letter from me. I think I am going to miss that the most - hearing his reaction when opening something I sent.

I included a news article from a couple weeks ago that i photocopied from the newspaper - I dont know if it was a good idea or not to send it as it was an article from a baseball game that we went to and was one of our last trips together. I was hoping it would remind him of the good times and the fun and the laughter we shared together...I just dont it to backfire and make him depressed. SO kind of long way to my question... Do you guys talk about things like trips and memories from your past with them? I tried to spin it as remember the good times and the better times to come but im not sure... thoughts opinions...anyone?

I 100% agree with you on the remember the good times thing. They have so much time there to just sit around and think, why not try to remind them of good things and make them remember this is not forever and there are more good times to come when this is over.
Where is he? My brother is in the camp in Duluth, MN. I know what you mean about the phone ringing it will drive you crazy! I hope you get that call today!
You may want to tell him to sign up for some classes. My brother take alot of them his first year, he said it helped the time go by faster, he always had somewhere to go and something to do. He has 99 days left and he is not doing that anymore.
Emailing is the best! Once he gets that setup, you can "talk" to him daily. I like to think of it as texting, just really slow texting.LOL My brother and I used to always text each other.
I am sure he is gonna be so happy to get a letter from you, no matter what it says!
Keep your head up, Hugs to you Artty!

He is in Loretto, PA. Which is just in the middle of no where. It use to be a Seminary I believe.

I'm not getting my hopes up for the call - I figured it wouldn't get it until Monday. Even though I say that I am so afraid to leave my phone farther than my wingspan distance from me. I want to just hear his voice but I have no clue what to say... I think about it more than I really should.

As far as classes, he's already pretty well educated, but we talked about him spending some time taking classes, I think they even have a program when the inmates can teach other inmates, which sounded a bit more appealing to him, as he could share his knowledge with others.

And AWESOME! in regards to what you wrote about the email. I laughed at you comment about it being like slow texting! He was a slow texter anyways. I just want to know hes okay! so im constantly checking my email (it also goes straight to my phone but I'm paranoid so its constantly being checked on my laptop as well).

But question about the email and sorta about commissary:
I know using the email system costs money for him to use (which is like 5 cents a minute or something, whatever it is its not an issue) but I had read in one part about a monthly commissary maximum for spending...is the email intertwined into that?

I know there is limits on phone call length and how many minutes he can use a month...is there anything like that for the email?

Thanks!

money spent in the commissary is separate from emails. I remember my brother said it was hard the first month, cause there are so many things you want/need and they limit your spending no matter what is on your account. I think my brother said it costs maybe 15$ a month for emailing and he is constantly on there. They get 15 minutes to read and message back and than they can't log on again for 30 minutes. He will get 300 minutes per month, 15 minute calls and it cuts off right at 15 minutes, drives me crazy!!
My brother toke some classes just to pass the time and it looks good to the case worker he will get while he is in there. My brother ran his own business for 15 yrs in real estate, so he thought the same thing about the classes, BORING! He said there was a guy in there teaching real estate investing and he had been in for 8 yrs, so almost everything he said was wrong. My brother taught the GED class for a while, but he got bored with it.
You can send him magazine subscriptions, he can get 10 and you can do newspaper subscriptions too. I ordered all my magazines from discountmags.com. they are cheap and fast and I never had a problem with him getting them. You can mail him magazines also, don't send more than 5 per envelope, they will get mad at him. I sent a puzzle book and 5 real estate magazines and they yelled at him. I felt really bad!
One other thing I should tell you about the emails, we wanted to figure out how long it takes for them to go through, so when I would email, I would put the day and time in the subject line. Sometimes they go through in like 20 minutes, sometimes 5 hours. They do read all the emails so keep that in mind.
I hope you deal better with your first call than I did. I was shaking trying to push 5, than as soon as it cut off I started crying! I was better after the first one, but hearing that message and getting cutoff was too much!
You can look into trying to get him out early to house arrest or halfway house. My brother had 27 months for white collar stuff and he is getting out Nov 14,13. He went in March 2,12. He will go to the halfway for 11 days max and than house arrest. I paid a consultant to do the paperwork, it only added 11 days, but when you are in and waiting on them to get out, 11 days out is better than 11 in!!
You can order him books off Amazon and have them sent directly to him. I am not sure about hard back books, so check before you buy. They are usually fairly decent in the mailroom if you call.
I hope you get your call soon!!! Let us know when you do!!
Nice chatting with you

Thank you for all the info! I'm now kind of excited about the email

Ya i figured that I would try and encourage the classes and stuff to help see if it would allow him to get out early even if it is only a couple weeks.

Yes, I started looking into magazine subscriptions today! well technically yesterday... I tried ordering TIME online, but was having hard putting his # in next to his name. I had to call and finally I got a very nice lady who was able to help me out. Im just afraid that the address is not exactly as it says to mail the stuff, but it was as close as we could get it with how their system is set up.

I already set up an alternate shipping address for my Amazon. I am just trying to figure out how to make sure the packages go through USPS. And I read that they dont allow hardcovers, so i guess its all softcovers.

I was looking at puzzle books and brain teaser books, any suggestions on any good ones? I want him to keep his sharp mind and have something fun to past the time!

I had a breakdown today as I, and i dont know why, looked at the inmate locator, as it hadn't been updated, and today it was updated and listed his release date... :-( just seems so far away