Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Good Day, my man is on lockdown from Thursday....It has been very hard for me. We met when he was already in prison through a mutual friend....I admit from reading your posts...I was spoiled...he has an (illegal) phone inside and we spoke like three times a day...mostly video chat...I was used to talking to him and seeing him. He tried to prepare me for this....he told me sometimes he wont be able to talk to me or at any moment his phone can be confiscated...It still doesnt stop the hurt...I miss him so much! I am trying to occupy myself on my businesses and trying to initiate a project for recent prision releases in my country...when he get releases in the states they will send him back home to our country. I am working on a furniture manufacturing company for at risk boys and recent prison release so they can learn and make furniture to sell...I am trying to see if I can get IDB funding for this project...I also have another business that I'm working on so that when he comes out he can help me out in these projects so he doesnt go back to the streets and hustling...What are some of your ideas for when your man comes out...
Offenders---and especially sex offenders----usually have problems with employment once they are released from prison. The media has scared the hell out of the public with all the sensational stories of someone coming out of prison and murdering or raping someone. As a result, with the media instilling fear in people, people are scared of those coming out of prison---and they usually do not trust them either. Many are reluctant to ever help them. This is sad, as they do not understand inmates or ex-offenders.
We all have to have employment, and finding employment is difficult for most inmates released from prison.
The best manner in which to solve this problem is to become self-employed and start a business. I like the idea of a furniture manufacturing business, as it will help build a person’s confidence, keep him busy and off the streets, and also help support him and his family in a financial way.
Having a worthwhile job or starting a business also helps an ex-offender develop and keep his self-esteem, and self-esteem or a sense of self-worth is a big factor in keeping someone from re-offending and sent back to prison.
You may not realize it, but YOU are very important in his life. Yes, you are a partner and love him, but you and all the other ladies here are much more. You are “anchors” which allow an ex-offender to live in a stabilized environment. Some of these guys who have nobody else in their lives tend to be easily led astray. In my many experiences---both in and outside prison---I have learned to admire ladies that stick with their men, as I have seen first-hand how important they are to the guy. You can also help him in such areas as employment.
Working for oneself has huge advantages. A person cannot fire himself, obviously, and there are no pesky background checks, which are a problem for many felons. A person can set their own hours to a point, yet have a secure job.
Sometimes finding employment means thinking outside the box.
Construction or some form of manual labor is an excellent way to make a living. Many, many felons work in some form of construction, and some even start their own construction business. Nobody really cares if a guy has a felony conviction and there are usually no background checks.
Some construction / manual labor jobs I have seen inmates become successful at are building decks on mobile homes, building add ons in regular homes, laying carpet or vinyl flooring, roofing, installing siding, doing landscaping, brick laying, plumbing, electrical work, etc. This list is endless. If you have spare time, sit down and make a list of the people you have hired---directly or indirectly---to do things for you. The list will be lengthy.
I have an ex-prison buddy who is in construction and he has his own successful company. He builds decks for mobile homes, lays rock for driveways, installs swimming pools, installs steel roofs on houses and buildings, installs siding, does minor remodeling---adding on small rooms to an existing house----lays flooring, etc.
I have another ex-prison buddy who had a problem finding a job, so I told him, “Buy a riding lawn mower and start mowing lawns.” He resisted at first, but he finally did it and now mows lawns in the spring and summer along with mending fences, and he does drywall work and lays flooring in the winter months. Anybody can mow a yard, and if you find some larger lawns to mow, you can make some money.
The problem is that the ex-offender must be willing to get his hands dirty, work long hours, and work on weekends sometimes. I had my own pharmacy business, so I know the hard work and long hours necessary to build a business and be self-employed.
Too many people are not willing to work. Let me give you some examples. I bought a new mobile home on eight acres about 10 years ago. I am a former sex offender who went to prison for a long time on a bogus rape charge, so I needed to get away from people. About six years ago, I needed a new deck built on my home. Hell, I could not find anyone who wanted to work to build it. Finally, I found a guy over 200 miles away who came and built the deck.
Last summer, I decided to replace my floors with vinyl tile. I bought the tile, but I found it difficult to find anyone who wanted to lay the floor. Nobody who I would trust to do a good job wanted to work. Finally, I contacted a Russian immigrant and he did a great job. He came to work around 8:00 AM, after driving over 150 miles every day. He worked until dark and through one weekend to lay my floor. As he was laying the floor, I watched him and thought to myself, “Gee whiz, that does not look like rocket science. I think I could learn to do that rather quickly.” I could have and anyone else could have learned it, but you have to be willing to work.
The last few days we had an ice storm in Oklahoma. Two days before the ice storm, one of the turbine vents blew off the roof of my house, leaving a 12 inch diameter hole in my roof. I knew the rains and ice were coming and with a hole in my roof, my ceilings were bound to be damaged. So since I am not stupid and not about to climb on a roof, I searched for a roofer. I called several roofers who either did not have the time or did not want the job. Remember, people do not want to work these days even if you offer them top dollar. Finally, I found a young man who fixed it and did a great job. He was willing to get up on the roof, work at an odd hour, and do something not many sane people want to do----climb on a roof.
Businesses like plumbing are great choices for self-employment. When a woman has a bathroom with two inches of water on the floor because of a leak, she does not care who comes to fix it. She just wants it fixed. Ex-offenders can do work like this.
There is not much in life I can guarantee, but I can guarantee you this-----If your guy does good work and is reasonable in price, he WILL succeed. People all over are looking for guys to do jobs for them and they are hard to find.
It may be that some of these jobs might require some education. Going to a vo-tech school for 12 months to learn a trade is an excellent idea. I have a friend who took a 13 month welding course in prison and he is now making over $25 welding for a small welding business. Welding is not rocket science. Most anyone can learn to weld with some practice and experience.
Self-employment is always best as getting hired by another company is difficult. They use background checks and often if they know you are a felon, your application goes in the trash. An ex-offender can never expect to be hired by most corporate companies with a central office somewhere, as they all do background checks. But he can find a job in construction, welding, roofing, etc. for a while until he learns the trade himself.
Once he has learned the trade, perhaps with your know how, he can start his own business. A person does not have to be Einstein to be successful in his own business, but he does have to use common sense and be willing to work long hours while getting his hands dirty. Basically, he wants to take in more than his expenses.
But you mentioned a furniture business. You sound like an intelligent woman, so I am sure you can help him with any business decisions.
I don’t mean to imply that self-employment is the only solution to an offender’s employment problem. Sometimes an ex-offender can find a great job in a mom and pop type business or one in which the boss does not care about any criminal record, but self-employment is usually the best way to go. For example, I have some friends who were once in prison---one makes a lot of friends being in prison for eight years---who are truck drivers. They drive trucks cross-country and even locally for a small carrier. Most companies couldn’t care less that one of their drivers is an ex-offender.
I want to give you some links to some messages I have written and some discussions I have had over the years which may give you some more ideas. Some of these links will take you to the sex offender board, so you may have to join the group to access the links-----
http://tinyurl.com/jncwj2c
http://tinyurl.com/j9flh24
http://tinyurl.com/h7du7op
http://tinyurl.com/z9bbb2t
http://tinyurl.com/he6rw8f
http://tinyurl.com/hr4xs92
http://tinyurl.com/ouro2ty
http://tinyurl.com/hwkes53
Being a felon does not mean that a person cannot be a success once released from prison. But it does mean that the ex-offender will have to work hard, work long and odd hours, and be willing to do whatever it takes to find and keep a job.
You have enough here to keep you busy for a while. If you have any questions you can message me. I post on several forums, but I do come over here several times a day to check on my messages and to see if anyone needs some help.
God bless you and your guy,
rewdiazepam
My fiance and I are working on our cleaning/maintenance business so when he gets out he'll have a job. He also passed his CDL pretest as well so I'm very proud of him! I know when the time comes we're going to be ok!
That's wonderful what you're doing for your man with the business! May I also say, and please don't take this the wrong way, maybe after lockdown is over that he finds other ways to spoil you instead of risking time in the hole for the phone. I'd love to have that too, however not if it meant my fiance not continuing on the good path to being released on time. Have him write a sexy letter, get a homemade card done for you, or simply wait for a legit phone call? Mine calls once a month and it's the highlight of that month!
In ending I'll say I hate that there are ALL men of intelligence (mine being white chocolate) in prison for stupid charges, and we need to continue loving/supporting/encouraging them to be better men when they come home to not go back.
I will say this----In my experience, intelligent guys who are ambitious and motivated and willing to work ALWAYS get past their prison experience to come out on their own two feet. Early on, they observe and find out what they have to do to survive in prison and be a success on the street, and they do it. As long as they don’t have a substance abuse problem----drugs or alcohol---are willing to work hard and have decent communication skills, they do fine. And having a woman to be “the bad guy” every once in a while to keep him in line always helps. Ha Ha
@gregsbabv, I have known several guys who did well with a cleaning / custodial / janitorial business. I was in prison with some bikers who started their own custodial business where they waxed and prepped floors for businesses and they did well.
Before I went to prison, there were a few companies in my area that did the custodial and cleaning jobs for the businesses. The hours were a little strange as they usually came in after the store had closed and worked up into the night until they got the job finished. They did things like sweeping and straightening up, shampooing the carpet, some painting, and anything else needed to make the business presentable for the customers.
As they began to do good jobs and the customers were satisfied with their work, word of mouth helped their business grow. BTW, word of mouth is the best advertisement in the world. After the business became established, they had a routine or schedule. My maintenance / cleaning crew came in once a week after I closed. They had a schedule with some of the other businesses in town, so they kept busy.
But it is work, and it can be hard work. But succeeding after prison gives a guy a great deal of satisfaction and improves his self-image. And as I always say, a good self-image is important to being a success in life.
There are thousands of ways to make money, but you just have to harness the resources you have. You also have to ensure that there is a market for the business in your area. For example, you would not want to open a ski resort shop in Florida or sell beach supplies in North Dakota.
@ shellz, if your guy has pride, a willingness to work, motivation, and is halfway intelligent, he will be successful. You might have to push him at times, since we guys get a little lazy, but everything is there for him to be successful.
The last thing I or anyone else wants is for them to go back to prison.
And you ladies can be a positive image for him. Any guy leaving prison would benefit by a good woman. Good women are hard to find. Any woman who stands by a man while he is in prison has that little certain extra that you don’t see every day. They are like gold and diamonds.
Above all---and I don’t want any of you young ladies to EVER forget this----once your guy is released, it might be rough for a while, but the situation is DOABLE. Remember that word---DOABLE.
rewdiazepam
shellz we must be twins because I'm also educated and with my felon. Matter of fact I met him on a pen pal site while doing my homework lol! I feel he's the best man I've ever had and glad I took the nerve to write him. I'd never done that before but he's so worth it!!
You say he's coming home to your country, where do you guys live?
Ok my man is home he had a list of things he wanted to do but we also had parole meetings, and community service to sort out. As it turned out my man got a job pretty much the same day i went back to work.....i took time off to help him and me to readjust to things. My man now cleans cars for a car yard its not great money but its his money so his happy.