Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hi everyone!
I'm seriously in need of words of encouragement or advice. About a week ago my husband was arrested and they're trying to give him life because of his past record. We've been together for 5 years and everything has been perfect! Since he's been away, I can't stop crying nor have I really had an appetite. It's so hard when you're used to spending every day with someone then all of a sudden they aren't there. This is the longest we've ever been apart and I don't know how to deal. My emotions are all over the place and idk what to do. Any kind words or advice from anyone who is currently or has been through this would really be nice. I just hate feeling alone.
I'm seriously in need of words of encouragement or advice. About a week ago my husband was arrested and they're trying to give him life because of his past record. We've been together for 5 years and everything has been perfect! Since he's been away, I can't stop crying nor have I really had an appetite. It's so hard when you're used to spending every day with someone then all of a sudden they aren't there. This is the longest we've ever been apart and I don't know how to deal. My emotions are all over the place and idk what to do. Any kind words or advice from anyone who is currently or has been through this would really be nice. I just hate feeling alone.
I used to write every single day. It made me feel closer to him while I was doing it. BUT now we talk so many times a day, there is nothing to write. I still try to send him at least one a week, or something like pictures of the house I am looking at to move to soon. Something so he gets mail. It is a big deal to them to wait for the mail. It is even a status symbol for those men who get the most mail, or the most often. He feels sorry for the ones who never get any.
I sent for catalogs for him to receive. TONS of them. The mail lady got mad, and told him he couldn't get so much mail. She can't stop it. So I ordered MORE....haha. I love to mess with them.
I ordered catalogs on things he would like to do when out, like fishing equipment, landscaping ideas, building a deck, oh to throw a few hints again, wedding planning ideas. For those of you who don't know me, I have been with him 16 years but we haven't quite made it to the altar yet. Supposedly we are when he gets out. I guess after that many years, why rush?? Maybe because I don't want to marry him and die the next day in a nursing home.
My guy got involved in a craft project. He makes these semi truck piggy banks, with plastic mesh and yarn. He weaves yarn into the mesh with different designs, such as football team logos, etc. He sells them there, in the visiting room, or I take them home and sell them, to pay the bills. It really gives him something to pass the time, and not think of where he is. He is lucky enough to have his own room, so he spends a lot of time in his " tiny apartment" as I call it. Each truck takes many, many hours to complete. They have scenery on it, or the logo of a team, and players numbers, or whatever the people want. He made one for a business. A bakery. So I have to look up the pictures he wants to replicate, and I copy them and send to him. And then he just stitches away the days. It makes him have a purpose to his days. And he sure feels good when we go to the visiting room and a couple people are interested in buying it and bidding on them. The guards pick the highest bidder and even the other day when he sold one for us, the guard came up so excited to tell him he pushed these people to hurry and buy it before others did.
There is a lesson in the fact not all guards are jerks. This guy is a gem. He knows what table we like to sit at, and he had our scrabble game set up for us when we got in there. I like him a lot.
My guy also has a job there. That's how he gets his own room. He cleans the unit off and on all day, deals with collecting their laundry, and getting it ready to be shipped to another prison to be washed. He does garbage, and is a maintenance man. He was in this place before, so they know he works hard. For FOURTEEN CENTS an hour. But it makes him feel good. This is important. To have something productive to do.
He just signed up for a class that will get him help with employment when out, and they pay for things like car repairs, clothes for work, etc. You have to take this class to get this. Then when out they help you find a job, and they pay their wages for the first 6 months, so this is a good incentive for the company to hire them. They also give the company a $10,000 tax credit for hiring a felon.
I don't know where he is, what state. Guess I should look at your profile. But many of the prisons have classes and programs that work with them and a state agency to get jobs when out. Being a felon does not mean you cannot get a job.
There is all I have for the night. Keep smiling like on that picture. Remember, he does not want you sad.
I still cry before I go to sleep.
Here's a little tip we discussed. If I look out at the stars late at night, they are the same stars he is seeing if he looks out there at the same time of night, so we are doing it together. We also read the same books, and sometimes decide what shows we will watch " together". Then we can talk about them later, if we run out of other stuff to talk about on the phone. I just want to hear his voice. RIGHT???
Your guy looks like a nice man. My guy does not want our pictures on here. He is so leery of people looking us up. We did have inmates find us somehow on here years ago, by having friends look here. Then they had them send copies of my journals and posts. So ya gotta be careful how much information you give, as far as your names, etc. Remember also COPS can look at this site. Most people on here are genuinely here for support and help, but once in awhile someone slithers in and pretends to be one of us. Probably the cops. But they just don't sound right, and we catch on fast, we all blast them, turn their username in to the DS complaint place, and if they think the person is not really here for the right reasons, they are banned. We have banded together and really laid it on thick to those kinds of people what we think of them before they get booted off. HAHA we do stick together.
NOW I am done. Good night, try to sleep tonite.
My youngest AD made some bad choices with her life and is facing an extensive prison sentence. No one knows what the courts, states attorney and justice system will decide. Your husband still has rights to a fair trial and compentent lawyer. In my ADs case the courts had to appoint an outside attorney as the public defenders office didnt have a lawyer with enough experience to handle my ADs case.
There is always hope!!! We have to hang on to that hope!!!
Some days will be better than others but keep your chin up and let your hubby know that you two will get through this together.
Sorry for the late response. I've been keeping busy to keep my mind off all of this. But my husband is so grateful that you guys are here for support! It feels good to know I'm not alone in this world. I actually have some good news. Originally, my husband had no bail dur to his record but his lawyer was able to get a motion to set bail for him! It's not the best news but it's a start!! I'm not getting my hopes up but I'm praying he can get bail! I miss him so much and would be devasted if they still don't give him a bail. I'll keep you ladies updated on what happens and all of you are in my prayers!
That's great news he may get bail. Just be cautious on being too optimistic, but if they said he can get bail, then probably you won't be lonesome for long. Those things take time to get worked out.
I am glad he is happy you have us on here to talk to. I hope we can help you get through it.
Smart girl keeping busy. See, you do listen to what we say. It is vital to getting through this. Sitting around crying, thinking of all you are missing about him will only make time go slower. I did it for a long time, then got off my butt and started living SOME. Fixing my life here right now, it will be better for him to come home to than last time a world of problems. He can't take the pressure with his anxiety issues.
Here is an example of how close people do become on here. I " met" a person named Stacyanne1975 on here. We talked non stop day after day. Her brother was put in federal prison for an embezzlement scheme. She was very close to him and devastated. Ended up he is out now, and she moved to FL, started a business with him, they buy condo's, homes, apartments, etc., flip them and make huge profits. She had been sitting home crying too. But she got busy too, and look how far she came.
Hadn't heard from her for awhile, then tonight there she was sending me a message. And she gave me her phone number. Oh boy, gotta charge my phone up. We used to talk on the phone half the night.
We had found out that she lived in the same neighborhood in MN that I had at the same time. We knew the same places, streets, and about that area, so it was cool to talk with her. I had actually been at her apartment complex about the time she lived there. She used to go to the gas station I worked at there. I probably waited on her back then. Small world.
I wanted to tell you about her because she is one of the people that was so scared when she first got on here, and look how far she has come now. It does happen eventually, chacha99.. just gotta learn how to cope until it does.
Have a good night.