Welcome but sorry for the circumstances for you to be here!! Like a lot of us, we never expected to be here!! This is a wonderful group of very supportive, non-judgemental, caring people!! You can get advice, a shoulder to cry on, a way to vent & just understanding from ones that now share a common bond we didn't know existed!!

Personally, I think you did the right thing by NOT putting your house up for collateral!! You can be supportive of your Daughter without risking things like that!! Don't try to figure everything out at once! It literally becomes one day at a time & sometimes even one hour or one minute at a time!! Theses things are so overwhelming & this is NOT your fault!!!
Others here will help, I promise you!!
Hugs!!

How am I supposed to deal with the people that say "if you had raised her better" or "you should have known and stopped it" there are so many haters out there. (her arrest made national news" I know my daughter did wrong but I still love her. I just want to stop crying all the time. I want to feel normal again.

I agree with WhataJoke. I would not put my house up for bail. But that decision is yours.

I too feel betrayed by my son. He lead what appeared to be a very successful normal life. Never gave us a moments worry. Come to find out he is involved in a embezzling scheme that has broken our hearts. The investigation is ongoing so I can't really talk about it but I know how you feel. Confused and betrayed is just the start of how I feel. How could he put his daughter who adores him at risk like this? I just don't understand.

Anyway, you are in the right place and I hope others will come on and give you support too.

Praying for you and wishing you the best today. x

Ohhh Wisconsin...we need you!!! She is our 'go to person' that can calm all of us, even when she is & has been going thru so much herself!! She will be on later & I guarantee she will give you great advice!!

The people that would say that to you have obviously never been in your position but believe all of us...it CAN happen to anyone!!! And it does!! As hard as it is, hold your head high & ignore the people (I know it sounds easy) that make you feel worse!! Of course you love your daughter but that doesn't mean you like or approve of what she did!!

You have to take care of YOU too!! Many will tell you that this is so so important!! Be supportive for your daughters & Gr'kids. Some families have ones that turn away. Others are very supportive.

People love to gossip but remember it's an ongoing case & just say you can't discuss anything & walk away or change subject if possible!!

Hugs!!

I am so sorry you are going through this. Prayers for you and those sweet kids today!

Whatever you do, do NOT put your house up as collateral for her bail. Let her get mad if she wants.

People in the drug scene are far too unstable for a family member to risk their home for collateral for bail.

Let her sit in jail. It won't hurt her.

Wisconsin, my dear friend, will be here shortly and she can give you much more emotional support than I can. I deal with prison problems and support, but I do not have the women's touch. BTW, I am a guy.

But it does sound as if you daughter has some very serious charges. The cocaine and heroin added to the mix will make it very difficult and having a loaded gun on the premises will enhance the charges. And this is not even considering the child neglect.

Relax. Sit down, and take one thing at a time.

rewdiazepam

Thank you everyone.....I was nervous about coming in here but have realized....we are all going through this just in different degrees.

Don't let him fool you cuz Rew is a wonderfully supportive person on here as well!! I forgot to mention him before!! There are many others that will help as well!! They are the ones that have taken all of us newbies under their wings!! ;-)

I agree with everyone else do not put up your house! Even bailing her out isn't really helping her. She needs to go through the process no matter how broken it is. Yes, the tears come daily. Yes, you feel guilty. But these were her decisions not your fault! no matter what guilt trip she tries to put you on, she made these decisions. It's obvious that you do care about her and someday she will see it too. Even if you did know what she was doing, you couldn't have stopped it. My daughter was an addict and a dealer. She blamed me and got mad at me for not doing this or that and that is hard to hear but you didn't make her do those things. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Hey auss2001 one thing you can say to those who question you with the if and crap trun around and ask them if they have kids and if they know what there kids do all the time coz i bet that they don't also you can ask them what would they do if it was there child.
Tell her you can only do so much to support her But you still love her. Hang in there.

I don't know if i was just so exhausted or if opening up and sharing my story on here with people that are going through similar situations......but I finally slept 4 straight hours. I still cried myself to sleep but I feel more clear headed this morning. Does anyone else suffer with sleepless nights?

Oh yeah i did the sleepless nights big time!! Try and get some herbal teas and have some before bed it sometime help.

I am so sorry i understand about drugs and it sucks. But yes good thing u never put anything down for that kind of bail. She wont learn a thing and will just go back to do the same old thing. trafficking is lifetime in prison and in some states without parole. I will be praying for your family, children and daughter. My husband is recovering addict... so i do understand you

Hi, welcome to the board. I'm so sorry you're going through this. There are a lot of parents here with children going through what you're going through. It sounds like you know in your heart what's best- not giving in to your daughter's demand to put up your house as collateral for her bail was the right choice and a wise decision. People who are suffering with the disease of addiction really can't be in charge. They are not capable of making good decisions as long as they are actively using. Don't let her manipulate you, no matter how bad things get. Keep a level head and don't make any quick or rash decisions. You are at the beginning of what will probably be a very, very long journey. Take your time, take care of yourself, and try not to listen to the judgmental talk of others who are selfish and cruel. Those people are everywhere...but so are good, caring, open minded people who will help and support you. I'm glad you found this group, and I hope you feel better soon. I suffered terribly with sleeplessness and it really took a toll on me. Please try to sleep or at least sit down and rest whenever you can. Lack of sleep can seriously affect us, physically but even more so emotionally. My insomnia led to a terrible depression and sense of hopelessness. I take herbal supplements to help me sleep, and like such aside said, a cup of herbal tea can help a lot.
Everything will begin to feel better in a little while. Just take it one day at a time and take care of yourself.

LOL autocorrect...Suchaslife. Not such aside.