Totally can relate! I, too, am always wondering how is he and what is next. I have to pray a lot!

You said,” so Fiancé tells me yesterday that someone stole his tobacco from his locker and that as much as he doesn't want to (because he doesn't wanna go to the SHU) if he finds out who it is he's gonna have to make an example so they don't think it's ok to steal!”

Your fiancé is being stupid and allowing his “prison mentality” to control his life. While an inmate cannot allow someone to steal his property, smart inmates do not get into fights. You will rarely see an older convict or inmate fighting in prison.

One of the problems with men’s’ prisons is that there is too much testosterone floating in the air. Too many inmates feel as if they can never appear weak and so they do foolish things. I know I was never perceived as weak, but I was never challenged either. Respect goes a long way in prison.

People in prison who are smart do not fight unless there is a direct confrontation. These people want to go home ASAP and fighting only places one deeper in prison. These types of people do foolish things, lose their good time, and wind up serving much more of their sentence than necessary.

When I was in prison, I was a tutor and well respected in prison. This was at a medium security prison, btw. One of my students was a young black man named Nathan, who also happened to have a cell right next to mine. Nathan was a gang member, full of energy, and was constantly in trouble for fighting, gambling, or smoking pot. He was a knucklehead, but not an inherently evil person. He was just a kid with too much energy who felt he had to prove he was a real convict.

But Nathan was always in trouble, always getting misconducts, and always losing his good time credits. He used to come over a few times a week to talk to Mr.REW about prison, life, and his family. I liked Nathan.

One day, I said, “Nathan, you only have a five year sentence and you could possibly be out of here and back on the street in a little over two years if you would quit getting into trouble and getting your good time credits taken away. You are allowing the Oklahoma Department of Corrections to rob you of your freedom.

I will never forget Nathan’s answer to me. “Well, Mr. REW, I know they cannot keep me past five years no matter what I do. But I don’t care about getting in trouble, since all my friends are here.”

Nathan was released, killed another man in a drug deal gone wrong, and is now serving LWOP---life without the possibility of parole----in Oklahoma. His foolishness ruined his life for him as he will never see another day outside the prison walls.

If something gets stolen, a smart inmate will try to find out who stole it, but they don’t think they have to PROVE how tough they are to the other inmates. So while they may look for the guy, they finally brush it off as just “being in prison” and don’t make too big a deal about it. Why?? Because playing Mr. Tough guy always comes back to bite them in the butt.

I was a good athlete and can handle myself well, but I was not about to jeopardize my early release to be with my loved ones over a measly two dollar pouch of tobacco. Everyone respected me as I have good communication skills and the other inmates knew I was always on their side. My locker box was robbed of all my canteen once. I checked around, could not find out who did it, so I saved myself a lot of trouble by just forgetting it.

I would think if an inmate was smart and had a fine lady out here waiting for him that he would refrain from any foolishness in prison so he could be released and they could be together. Every extra day he spends in prison is a day that you and he being together will never get back.

You said, “Then he calls today to say how he got into it with some COs, the seargent saw everything and he didn't get in any trouble but now he said the COs may retaliate!”

Whatever happens, he placed himself in this position. Older convicts will not allow anyone to run over them, but at the same time they do not have to prove to the rest of the inmate population that they are some kind of bad ass either. People who are well respected in prison do not have to prove that they are well respected. They just ARE well respected.

Prison also has some unintended circumstances as well. When I was in prison, a friend of mine and I went down to the chow hall to eat. When George and I entered the chow hall, he had his baseball hat on so the CO asked him to take off his hat while inside. George, being hard headed and fearing someone would see him not playing hardball with the CO, refused. He told the CO there were no rules about wearing his hat in the chow hall, and he could not make him take it off. The CO agreed and left.

I told George, “George, take the damn hat off. You are going to get yourself in a wreck by being hard headed and stupid.” George told me that he could not appear weak in front of the COs or the other inmates.

We ate and when we went back to the pod, six COs were tearing the hell out of everyone’s cells doing shakedowns. And while doing these shakedowns, a couple of officers “accidently DROPPED” a few TVs, confiscated several radios, and took a bunch of everyone’s commissary. The “dropped” TVs were smashed and ruined.

While they were doing this, one inmate asked the COs what was going on and why all the shakedowns. The head CO pointed toward George’s cell and said, “You might ask the guy in cell 11 who is proud of wearing his hat everywhere. I am sure he can tell you.”

Now the cat is out of the bag and everyone knows the shakedowns, the destroyed TVs, and people’s property being confiscated was initiated by George’s stubbornness. The tearing up of the cells and the destruction of the TV sets were retaliation by the COs against George. So the inmates then turned on George.

They gathered up those larger mops, took the mops off, leaving only the metal mop wringer; placed locks in socks; and used a homemade shiv to attack George. They beat him to a pulp.

They took George out on a stretcher and I never saw him again.

Unintended circumstances indeed.

Sometimes inmates are their own worst enemies.

You ladies out here, whether you are a fiancé, a GF, a wife or whatever, you might plead with your guy to not get into trouble in there----for whatever reason----so you two can be together ASAP.

I hope your situation turns out well, but an inmate has to learn to serve his time in the most constructive manner possible.

rewdiazepam

My fiance just told me his place has been on lockdown 3 times already for stabbings. Plus the people that did all that know him and come from the same block in the same town and wanted him to ride with them but he told them f**k no he's trying to come home on time, not be with them getting in more trouble when they go home. So he's got to not let them and s**t get to him. Tell him let that s**t roll off his back like a duck so he can come home to you without getting more time added.

You have a very wise and mature guy in prison, Gregsbaby.

Part of my message was cut off somehow.

When I said he was stupid for feeling the need to go after someone who stole his tobacco, I did not want to infer that he is a stupid human being. I wanted to infer that he was acting stupidly.

Everyone who has been in prison for a while will tell you that jeopardizing an early release over a pouch of tobacco is very unwise. Prison does cause people to do some silly things to "fit in" with the prison mentality.

There are instances in which an inmate must fight, such as a direct confrontation or if someone was caught in the act of stealing one’s property, but I don’t think that was the case in this situation.

I have to wonder that with this mentality how successful he will be on the outside world.

These are my observations from someone who has been to prison and served a long sentence.

Just my two cents anyway.

rewdiazepam

My guy just called this morning saying he is being harassed and is being told he is gonna have to get into a fight..:... I'm so scared to think what could happen. Going to tell him what Rew said. Thoughts and prayers for your guy, hopefully everything works out okay

Eyedeekay,

I just sent you a private message answering the one you sent me earlier.

Now for eyedeekay or any mother, GF, wife, or just a friend of an inmate headed to the California prison system, here is some advice.

If you fear that your guy will have some problems in prison because of his charges-----any sex charges or charges against a child----his sexual orientation-----being gay-----or any other problem which may make him vulnerable in the general prison population, California has a remedy.

The remedy is the use of California’s SNY yards. These are Sensitive Needs Yards that consist of inmates who would have problems in the general population. The SNY yards are full of sex offenders, snitches, and gang drop outs. These yards are much safer than a general prison since each inmate there is in the same boat and there for protection.

The SNY yards are just like another prison, but much safer and they are only available in the California state prison system.

You can read about them here-----

http://tinyurl.com/l93u2n7

I have a friend serving a 70 year sentence for sexual assault on one of these yards.

If you have any questions, message me.

rewdiazepam

Thanks everyone. I thought I replied to everyone days ago! He's feeling much better after a lot of talking and reassuring. @rewdiazepam thanks for the input I definitely re-iterated a lot of that to him. This isn't his first rodeo (he's in for violating parole over something that he really couldn't control) but it's my first time dealing so closely besides close family where I just had to do the bare minimum. So a lot of the things he says shocks me more than anything and since I can't express my extreme worry to him but so much I turn here. Thanks again for all the support. Positive vibes to everyone. You guys rock!