Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hi I'm new here. And this is my first post. A little about my situation.
I met my now Fiance' on a chat line almost two years ago. He was different and interesting. We talked ofter and I visited him regularly. He's been in for 9 years and we have recently obtained a lawyer.
We talk, write and email often when their not on lockdown. Last year about 6 months ago he asked me to marry him, I accepted. My mind goes all over the place and has me wondering. How can I tell if this isn't just "jail promises"?
Gb meet her guy while he was doing time.
I told him my story in the 3rd letter, being I suffer from depression and it's like alcoholism in the fact that I can find ways to cope but not be "cured." I just felt a connection to him and I wanted to put it out there. I was prepared for not getting a letter back but he wrote back! Three months into our friendship on my birthday at the end of our phone call and told him I loved him and really to my surprise he said it back.
Fast forward to when he got out March 2011 I was supposed to move in with him but his mom died and he was really close to her, not a mama's boy, just really loved her. He was of course very devastated as was I because she'd sent me a birthday card and a letter saying she was so glad I was good to her son. Fast forward 6 months later his dad died. We were on the phone when he died. I still remember that night like it was yesterday. After all of that happened he turned to drugs to cope with their loss. It wasn't until he wrote me after about 6 months that it happened that I found out he was an addict. I was floored and was mad that I'd told him the truth about my life and he hadn't; so he asked if I'd have fallen in love with G the addict or G the man like I did.
When he wrote I'd met someone else, (I was still very much in love with G) but it wasn't serious for me as it was for the guy because I told him I wasn't looking for anything since I was still in love with G. Well I found out G was going to have a long sentence and I just went ahead and let him go and got married and had a baby. Even during the 3 1/2 years I was with my late husband I never stopped loving G and he with me; he'd still write me at least 4 times a year to see how I was doing.
My late husband passed August 2015 and G's letter came the 1st week of November. I just reread it and cried over and over again. It took me almost 2 months to write back because I was only supposed to be the grieving widow (which I was) so I wasn't supposed to even remotely thinking about moving on with my life. He wrote back and told me he still loved me very much! Then about a week before my birthday (last year) he sent me a card with the picture of him I remember and in the letter there was the second picture I sent him from 2011 and I could tell he always carried it in his wallet by the way the sides were. He told me there was never a day he didn't think of me. I cried like a baby of course, but they were tears of joy!
So here we are today back together and planning our future! It hasn't been easy because like I said I suffer from depression and now I have anxiety on top of it so my mind is always thinking crazy stuff like he doesn't love me, etc. I have come a very very long way because it used to be if I didn't get a letter I'd cry like a baby that he didn't love me. It's also not easy because he's a state away and I don't drive so I can't visit like I want, but we write, well I write more as you can see lol! He calls and I send at least 3 cards a month.
It's funny you talk about marriage as he called me Sunday evening and I was picking with him (in a loving way) about how I'm the one that's always talk about it and he told me he doesn't because he's in jail. I actually proposed to him last year but he told me wait til he gets out so he can do it right. And I respect that! There are people that do get married in prison but we don't want to do it that way, plus I have a baby and it's going to be some years til he gets out.
As SL said you have to talk about it so you know if you're on the same page. Yes there are some bad apples out there who say they love you so they'll have a place to stay when they get out. There are also bad apples who do just say they love you just to have a person writing them. I know G is the real deal because he's told me he could have any female writing but he only wants me, and he doesn't ask me for anything except papers to work on our business. I know a lot of guys are always asking to have money put on their books and whatever else. So ask yourself the tough questions like, "Can I picture my life without him?" "Am I strong enough to wait for him?" "Does he bring joy or pain to my life?" And there's more of course. Also do a pro and con list to see if he really is worth the wait and what you really want. Marriage is huge so definitely talk about it.
Husbands and boyfriends in prison---
http://tinyurl.com/4653fn
When the relationship is over….
http://tinyurl.com/h464he9
Met while incarcerated---
http://tinyurl.com/oezvg58
These links will give you an idea of what to expect.
Whatever you decide, may God bless you.
rewdiazepam
without knowing more details in your situation its really hard to tell. Go with your heart...
but also don't forget where you came from ... How is he treating you? Does he send u money home .. is he helping you out at all , or are you the only one sending him the money. Just look at everything in your situation and his, thats all you can do. I can't give you an advice because I am not in the same situation as you are. Try finding someone on here who might be in a close situation as you are.
I met my husband on the outside .. so its a bit different for us. But he is home now thankfully after going thru a lot of hell and back.