This was the first holiday since my sons incarceration, i cried all day. I hope it gets easier because we have 3 years to go. They will not let us visit on a holiday here either.

Janie I know it sucks! I can only fathom how Christmas will be. I'm thankful to have this group for support!

Yes Amen

Holidays sucks when there not home but please look at this way they would want you to have a good time if you cant do that for yourself then do it for them......take lots of photos aske them what presents you should get people inculed them as much as you can i used to send my love big letters with what happened on those days.....they kinda live through us while they are there. yes its going to suck but doing that makes it a little less sucky.
also keep in mind its one less you will have to do with out them and one closer to they are home.

Suchaslife is right. Mine loves hearing all about it so he can visualize it. He wouldn't really like the chaos anyway. It is a sad time for him, and me too. I wish so much he could be with me. Thanksgiving isn't that big of a deal to him, but I am sure it's why he was crabby thinking about me and everyone else with people they love, and he couldn't be. He was also missing his dead parents, I'm sure, and his son he has only seen one time in 20 years, then the son's half sister turned him in to the cops. Nice, huh??

I am going to be sad on Christmas, and he will be crabby. But I will do it for my family, anyway. That's just what we have to do to get through this, and we have to remember there are others who want us to be with them. It's not just about the one that is missing. But it is a very sad thing to think of them in those places while we are doing the holiday stuff.

I thought about ordering some books and comic books for my son for christmas which he loves, but i am concerned, will he be allowed to take them with him when he transports from county jail to prison?

I made it through Thanksgiving and also took my granddaughter out shopping. We had a good day. She has been at my house since her mom went to jail. She made the comment that she is really mad at mom for doing what she did. She is already so afraid that if she does it again when she gets out that she'll go to jail for years. How sad that an 11 year old has to think of those things. We most likely won't be able to see her mom until Monday or Tuesday next week. I wonder how that will be. I'm with ChaCha about Christmas. I only wish I could close my eyes and Christmas would be over.

He can't take anything with him, but many prisons let you order things from their approved catalogs. And usually you can order books, have them sent right from the company. And magazines he would like too. Mine finally got a cribbage board, plays that and Scrabble with the guys. It breaks up the monotony.
I am going to figure out something in their catalogs that he would like, and send it as a Christmas present. It won't be the same as being here, but at least he knows I thought about him.
In some prisons they even allow us to buy them guitars from the catalog. If he is into that, you could do that too. It might relieve his stress. There should be self teaching books to learn it, or other guys will teach him. Or a harmonica.
You gotta learn to think differently in regards of what you can do for him, but there are ways to get him through this and it makes you feel like you are helping him too. He will be ok.

Holidays do suck, we have all the family over for Thanksgiving dinner and desert so my house is bursting at the seams. My husband tells me what time he is going to call and everyone gets in line so they can say hi. He really enjoys that and it makes me happy too because most of our family don't get to see him so it makes them happy too.
I am going to see him this weekend, I always try to just before Christmas. It is really hard on Christmas, this year will be 10 years he left us on 12/09/05 god I'll never forget that day. He tries to make it special for the grandkids, most inmates get a bag of commissary stuff like cookies, candy and other junk each year and he tries to get enough bags to send home to them. They call it the junk box and look forward to it every year. It's kind of like a special present from their Papa.
The only way I try to stay positive is through my grandchildren. It's so hard on all of us and I think it's even harder on our loved ones who are in prison. I try not to let my husband know how down I get because it will only make it worse for him. I think what ever you can think of to stay positive do it for them, try and be happy even if you fake it!!

Thank you all so much for your input. This is the first year we'll be apart for the holidays and it's the worst feeling ever! He's still in the trial phase so we don't know how much time he's facing yet which makes everything worse. I'm trying to stay strong for him and for myself. But I wish all of you joy and happiness with your loved ones. Happy holidays!

I think you are doing a good job so far, chacha99

I had a few breakdowns this Thanksgiving. I haven't seen my daughter in months. I'm just so sad. I'm trying to keep as busy as I can. Seems to help.

Keeping busy is a good way to divert your attention from your situation. That's what I try to do, too, but sometimes it's really hard. My daughter and our situation just runs through my mind all the time. The shame, the fear, the worry, the kids and their feelings, the finances, just everything consumes me. I need to deal with the things I can control and not worry so much bout the things I can't. Any suggestions?

Thank you ihatewisconsin! I'm trying my hardest to do so. Catmiller sending prayers your way! I don't have any children but I can't imagine losing one to the system. Derricks I know exactly how you feel. Having all those emotions at once just makes things worse. You have to be strong for your children and for yourself! It seems bad now but hopefully it's only temporary and not permanent. I work graveyard and sleep a lot during the day so that helps me lol. This group is an amazing support system that I'm happy to be apart of! I love that no one is here to judge but only supoort and give advice. Whenever you feel down, just come on here and start a convo with any of these strong ladies! It helps a lot :)

Well, the worst thing happened yesterday. I just lost my job and will now have to move out of town. 4 hrs. away from here. Just when you think things are bad, they get even worse. I managed a townhouse community and lived on the property as part of my job for the lat 27 yrs. The property sold and the new management company terminated me and another girl that had been at the property for 15 yrs. They said I had 3 days to get out but they would offer me a lease. I'm sure they're going to gouge me in rent because normal rent is really expensive here but no one has spoken to me about it. We have a place to go thankfully but 3 wks. before Christmas and trying to get all this stuff out of here is going to be horrible. I was blindsided by this because my boss said I wouldn't have anything to worry about As far as my job. He really double crossed me because he took the job with the new company and I would assume he picked his staff. He kept 2 young girls that he originally hired from a temporary agency that do not know crap. I think he was feeding his own ego and likes to have the little girls kissing his butt. They were both in his office all the time falling all over him. Am I bitter today? Oh, yes. I did sign up for unemployment today for the first time in my life. It was so weird. I guess I'll also file for my social security now. I just sure wish it included Medicare. I'm still a few years away from that though. I feel like my brain's going to explode.