Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hello everyone!
I am new to this group, but I am very excited to be here. While I have an amazing support system of friends and family, I don’t think they really know how it is/ feels to be in a relationship with someone doing time in a federal prison AND it be long distance. They can empathize and sympathize all they want, but they don’t understand the loneliness, and the worry you feel on a daily basis....Only people who have gone through it or are going through it truly understand the struggle, and that’s why I’m here :)
A little background—we met online on a religious dating site almost a year ago, when we first started talking I had no idea he was incarcerated, but on the 2nd or 3rd correspondence he revealed to me that he was currently incarcerated in a fed prison and had about 2.5 years left of his sentence. This of course threw me off and turned me off, and I told him exactly that, and told him we could just be friends. But the friendship ultimately turned to something and very quickly. We are celebrating one year together God willing, next month!
To say this experience is trying and difficult is an UNDERSTATEMENT! It is stressful, very time consuming, and sometimes emotionally draining. Not only do you have to work harder to maintain your relationship through only emails, phone calls and restricted rules and travel to see him when you can but you have to deal with the judgement of people who can’t fathom why you’d chose to be with someone who is incarcerated. I don’t tell people that my future husband is in prison, not because I’m ashamed of it but because it’s not my business to tell, but also I don’t want need their negativity and judgements about it. I love him plain and simple.
It’s the hardest relationship I’ve ever been in, but it’s also the best one I’ve ever been in too. So I know it’s worth it. But damn, it’s really really tough.
Anyway, thanks for reading! I look forward to connecting and sharing with you all. Have a great Sunday!
~M
I'm also new to this group and the entire website. My baby is in a Max prison and he's 8hrs away. I get where you are coming from. Ours is still kinda fresh but the connection is so real. I decided to try out a forum to connect with other people in my situation, My friends just wouldn't understand. Hell I don't even understand how this happened but it did. And I'm scared!!! Sometimes I want to vent and talk about how stressful it is but people don't even wanna try and understand. So it makes things even lonelier ya know. Hopefully this group will help ease some of that.
I know exactly how you feel girl.
Going through the very same thing.
My b/f K once said that his own mother wouldn't understand why I would be in a relationship with her son. She would probably think that I'm not mentally stable or weak.
On the contrary ...
I think you have to be even MORE stable and much STRONGER than the average woman to have this kind of relationship. It's very hard emotionally.
I've just passed the one year mark and just got past a few hiccups but all is well.
Keep the communication open and honest and you should be fine :)
Welcome and thanks for the comment! Yeah it’s def all new to me too, but worth it! I live on the south west and he’s in the south so the distance is difficult as well. Yes it’s hard for ppl to understand but you don’t really have a choice. I’m glad you’re here and it will make things less lonely for you! When do you see him next??
I def agree with you, it’s not for everybody, and it’s hard as hell and I feel like it take a lot of courage and strength to be with someone like that.
Congrats on passing your one year mark! That’s huge! Do you get to see him often? Well all relationships have its stuff but thanks for the encouragement and advise!
"K" knows I'm not broken or damaged but just I need the support anyone would want from their significant other and we both expect that support is reciprocated.
I visit once every 3 weeks to a month. We write but not as often anymore and he calls me every second day for about 20-25 min.
To me....it's not enough of course. LOL It's never enough. I may not be saying that if I saw him everyday but right now...I want more.
I'm certainly not use to this way of living and don't ever think I'll be "use to it".
I don't think anyone ever does. But, I love the guy. He's kind and sweet. He helps me and I help him so it's a win - win.
M, at least you have an "getting out" date. It doesn't seem like it but 2 1/2 yrs will fly by. Right now is the best time to get to know him inside out. I hope you get your video visit soon. :)
I completely understand and agree! This relationship is nothing like I’ve ever been in. I was like you too always giving and giving and getting nothing in return but with A, he matches the effort and reciprocates and I never had that before. He is everything I imagined and wanted for love to feel like.
Aww that’s nice you get to visit that often although I know it doesn’t feel like nearly enough. I see A every 4-6 months. And he calls me once a month, which is def NOT enough but I’m happy to get anything. We email each other throughout the day constantly though. Ugh it’s so expensive!
And you’re right not a way of life to ever get used to or want to, but having a release date is something to look forward to. I’m sorry you don’t know his. I know time will fly by for me but not for him necessarily.... which sucks because they go crazy in there sometimes. But we don’t have video chat available so we rely solely on email and letters and the occasional phone call.
I do enjoy getting to know him better though so there that. Thanks for the note! :)
LOL
I'd have a blast with that if I had that option.
Hugs to you. Hang in there...you'll hear something soon.
But....we will get through it! I pray life after will not be as bad as I've heard it can be!