Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Here we finally, finally are, with just a few days left between us. It doesn't seem real; it hasn't sunk in. There were a couple of times when I felt very excited, but they were brief, and it's been a few days since I felt that way. I am happy- much, much happier than I have been in a long time- but I think I don't quite believe that he'll be here soon. Here, in this apartment, walking around, talking, eating, sleeping...just being. It feels like the past six months went by much more quickly than the year before. That year felt five years long.
A lot has happened, most of it pretty terrible. I lost my home, my nice car, my job, temporarily, and many of my "friends". My weight dropped from 150 to 110. My son went to live with my ex-husband. I have been acutely lonely and desperately poor. I worked three jobs at once for almost a year and still barely managed to get a new apartment and my old car back on the road. I read more books than ever, started to meditate, and began following a Buddhist practice. I changed my diet to improve my health and stopped drinking.
I'm not sure if I am better off than I was before this happened, but I am definitely changed. I have more compassion for inmates and their loved ones and far more contempt towards the "justice" system in the United States. I have learned to never trust cops. Never ever. I have also learned how to let go of things that I thought I needed, including some relationships.
This has been a terrible journey. I wish it never happened. But it did, and I'm different now, and soon I'll be learning the ways in which he has also changed. I know we still love one another, and I know we'll be all right. It's just a lot to think about, everything that has happened and how things have changed.
Oh and one more thing, for everyone who is sad, lonely, frightened, discouraged, hopeless- you can do this. You can do this. You can do this.
A lot has happened, most of it pretty terrible. I lost my home, my nice car, my job, temporarily, and many of my "friends". My weight dropped from 150 to 110. My son went to live with my ex-husband. I have been acutely lonely and desperately poor. I worked three jobs at once for almost a year and still barely managed to get a new apartment and my old car back on the road. I read more books than ever, started to meditate, and began following a Buddhist practice. I changed my diet to improve my health and stopped drinking.
I'm not sure if I am better off than I was before this happened, but I am definitely changed. I have more compassion for inmates and their loved ones and far more contempt towards the "justice" system in the United States. I have learned to never trust cops. Never ever. I have also learned how to let go of things that I thought I needed, including some relationships.
This has been a terrible journey. I wish it never happened. But it did, and I'm different now, and soon I'll be learning the ways in which he has also changed. I know we still love one another, and I know we'll be all right. It's just a lot to think about, everything that has happened and how things have changed.
Oh and one more thing, for everyone who is sad, lonely, frightened, discouraged, hopeless- you can do this. You can do this. You can do this.
Enjoy it Its so worth it! And iam proud of you!
Hugs me
You are right to not trust cops or believe in the justice system. No one should.
But now move on to a happier life, put that behind you and just have a great life. That doesn't mean you will instantly have everything completely better. There will be the tough times of just dealing with getting him a job, but what I found out is you CAN live on a lot less, so whatever he makes at a job will help tremendously. And he will be there through everything that is thrown at you. No more lonely nights. No more handling things alone. Time to just smile and say I DID THIS and now it's time for US.
Being an us again is the best part. Just BE HAPPY.
We all certainly are happy for you.
Did you not have any family to support you emotionally during this time? I wonder about that b/c I want to be supportive of my son and his family and I wonder if that would have made a big difference for you while you were waiting for your husband to be released. Did everyone abandon you?
I haven't told anyone in my life about what is going on in my son's life yet. I know they will all judge and look down on us. They already know that one of our sons is a drug addict so to know that another one is in deep trouble and facing prison will really give them something to talk about. On one hand I don't care what they think of me or us but on the other hand I guess deep down I do care.
Anyway, congratulations on his homecoming and surviving what can only be described as hell on earth. you did it!!!
As I mentioned to you when you started off on this long, lonely journey, prison changes every life it touches and yours is no different.
I am very proud of you and Adam and how you have been able to hold it together through all the trials and tribulations you have experienced.
You may not have all the riches you had before, but you will get there again. What you do have now is a Ph.D. in life and you now better understand what really IS and what is NOT important in life to make us happy. You are a much better, more rounded person than you were before all this.
Just remember----the day Adam is released will be the first day of the rest of your life with Adam. Be happy.
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Thank you for the reminder, Rew. I'll be happy to put this behind us.
(Sorry don't mean to hijack your post but I don't know how to send individual msgs yet)
You said many family members have abandoned you both & since we are at the beginning of this horrible journey, I am wondering thoughts on, if at all possible, do you think it's better to not even tell people that might otherwise not even find out? Or to tell people the entire story?? I'm still so lost on all of this?
Thoughts & prayers to all of you!!!
You're not alone, and it's not forever.
Hugs,
Pat
Sometimes the change is good, sometimes not so good, but a man or woman is never the same person when they walk out of the prison as when they went in. The same goes for his wife or GF.
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