Very sad and true facts.

My son went to prison when his second daughter was only 8 months old. I got to be there the weekend before he was to go away for four years. To think of the things he would be missing, watching her grow up was the saddest most painful thing ever. Him, the mom, and her, laid in the bed, sobbing. Baby Emmy didn't know what was going on, thank god. My son, handed her to me in the morning, and said take her now Mom, I have to get ready to go. I am crying just remembering that day.

Baby Emmy got to see him a few times. Then mommy decided not to wait for Daddy. As many women may not. Emmy still loved seeing his picture, which her mommy and other grandma still showed her. She kissed his face so many times on the picture, she wore it off.

Finally my son's dad started taking her to see him whenever he could. But it was a very strict environment. He could hold her, read to her, but couldn't get up and play with her anywhere in that room.

He did get to talk to her on the phone. She learned how to talk while he was gone, and walk, and do so many things that he missed.

But the day he got out, 4 years later, I met him and his Dad, at Dad's house. Emmy was so excited. Her Daddy was back in her life. She jumped off my car ( was sitting on the trunk, it's a convertible) she ran into his arms, hugged him so tight, and smiled forever it seemed.

She knew no other way of her daddy being in her life, while he was in prison, so that was normal to her. I don't think she thinks about it now. They are very, very close, and she spends a lot of time with him. He has a new baby too, and this baby has him so interested in every minute he is with her. He barely worked after she was born. He just didn't want to be away from her. He videos every cute moment, he is adorable with her. And a good daddy to all his kids and step kids. He enjoys this more I think, because he missed out on so much while he was in prison.

Prison should never be the choice, unless it is a proved fact that they did something awful. It ruins families in many cases, ruins their futures. It changes them sometimes, and not always for the better.

There are always ways they react to things that are because of their prison experience. The inhumane treatment they get.

My fiance being in prison several times, has hardened, and changed. It creeps out in him at the oddest times. Other times he is the real him.

We are not married, but we are family. I am all he has. No family, not many friends. None stuck around or supported him while he has been in.

It has ruined us financially. It has made me more independent and self sufficient, which he can't grasp is ok. That gets to be a problem. He likes to ADVICE me, but I take it as he thinks his ideas are better. But when you consider they get no choices in there, they can't make decisions for themselves on simple things. You can see why he may act like that.

They lose all control of normal things they need to do. They can't think for themselves. Every breathing minute in there they are TOLD what to do, told what to act like, or there will be consequences. In reality, it is like being in Hitler's prisons. No choices, no hope, no future dreams to even fathom could become reality.

It takes away their pride and dignity.

So when they get out, they are different. They may revert back to that special person they were, or they may be totally different. Self serving, and not very kind at times. They have been brain washed to not have opinions, or needs, or desires of their own.

They have been put in the most horrible of living situations, with people that may not have ever been a part of the kind of life they wanted out here. They are forced to be around undesirable people, all the time.

How can we expect that they will come out ok, and not get in trouble again, the way they are treated?

The government is bad, worse than they are... to do the things they do to them. Especially when there could be much better ways to " punish" them.

We are not the land of the free. We do not live in a free, great nation. We do not have this so called freedom our government pretends we do.

Family is important. But not to the prison system.

Hi, Thank you for your share. It is very powerful and so true. Our entire country is in a total mess and it is a big facade. Hopefully in time, your fiance may just get back to himself a little bit more and more. To me, it's like they went off to a one way war. I will NEVER understand how an incarcerated man/woman that have committed horrendous crimes, can possibly be placed with in the torturous environment as an addict on drug charges. I bet if our scandal-est politicians went to REAL JAIL for their disgusting corruptions, things in prisons would begin to change real quick. Punishment should not revolve around money, it should revolve solely on accountability to the crime and programs to restore one, (not all are curable, sadly) back to moral and healthy living. You are so right, we are NOT a free country and our government is no better than any other corrupt leaders in countries all over the world. It comes down to the almighty dollar and it makes me sick to my stomach.
I guess your post helped me to vent and that helps me. Thank you so much and keep strong and listen to your gut feelings always :)

jobro,

America's criminal justice system is broken because politics has infused itself into the system.

You said, " I will NEVER understand how an incarcerated man/woman that have committed horrendous crimes, can possibly be placed with in the torturous environment as an addict on drug charges."

Neither the DOCs across the nation in the state system or the BOP with the federal system mixes people with short time non-violent drug charges with murderers, kidnappers, or rapists. The prison system is divided into maximum, medium, or minimum facilities and they keep the violent inmates with long sentences separate from those with short sentences. So there is little reason to worry about his safety unless he does something totally stupid such as snitch or refuses to pay any of his debts on any canteen he may have borrowed.'

With a one year sentence, he may just spend his time in the country jail or, if he goes to prison, he will probably go to some form of a halfway house or work release toward the end of his sentence.

This country can never solve its drug problem until our leaders wise up and treat drug addiction or any substance abuse problem as a medical issue rather than a criminal justice issue. These people----drug addicts, not big time drug dealers---- have broken the law and need their hands slapped, but they need medical treatment, not prison.

I don't know if prison rape has crossed your mind, but if it has, forget about it. In my experience, prison rape is one of those urban myths that everyone talks about but rarely happens.

He will be at a very low security, so he will be safe.

Keep in touch with this board. I am a guy, but the ladies here are much wiser than I will ever be. Probably prettier too. ha ha

rewdiazepam

Thank you so much for this info and clarifying the prison levels. I have a lot to learn to help put my mind at ease a bit more. Rape is something that hides in my mind but I try to block it out, now I can be a bit more at ease in this area also. Each time I talk with him I hear more of my son talking and thinking as his body and brain begins to clear up. I know it will take time and drug education/rehab and determination for him to take back his healthy life.
I will keep in touch for my own support. It's hard to find Mom's going through it alone. I suppose that doesn't make much difference, we each still go through it. Thank you again.

There are far too many inmates who are gay for the inmates to want to rape anyone. They have their own little relationships on the sly in there.

Also many inmates will give it away for protection. We call it being "gay for the stay."

There are other inmates to have sex with. No need to rape anyone.

rewdiaaepam

Thank you, Thank you :) I didn't even think about that. It's Maricopa Cnty and Florence State- AZ.

This a very sad story and sadly it happens every day. Thank you for sharing it rew. I am thankful my children were grown when my husband wet to jail but it really doesn't matter what age they are because mine had a different set of problems. We have made it through almost 11 years of a 15 year mandatory sentence and I would never even think of leaving him, we have been very fortunate to have both are families and countless friends stick by our sides, for that I am truly blessed.