Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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Dreaming

crlucas
crlucas
Hi, My name is Rose, I have been reading all of your posts for a while now but have just decided to join. My ex-husband (the father of our two daughters ages 2 and 8) has been in a county detention center now for about 5 months. He is awaiting trial for a federal case and is likely (although my heart hopes deeply that it's not so) be incarcerated for several years. I can't get past thinking obsessively about him and the situation. I love him and always have we met when I was 18 and he has been the only real love I have ever known. Although not always perfect hindsight is 20/20. Our hearts hurt. we pray incessantly and me and my 8 year old cannot stop dreaming that by some miracle he just shows up walking in the door like he just came home from work and it was all just a bad dream. I don't know what to tell my girls or myself.Lord I wish that it was really just a bad dream. In addition to this he is not a legal citizen of the US and even when he gets out everyone says he will be deported. I hate this situation.
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam
CRLucas,

If your husband goes to prison, the immigration people will file a detainer on him. This means that no prison can release him until the immigration people are allowed to pick him up and take him into custody the day he is released.

I suggest that if he does go to prison, you two make some plans to deal with this detainer so you can still be together after his release from prison.

Because they will put the detainer on him.

rewdiazepam
crlucas
crlucas
Thank you, this at least gives me a lead of information to research to prepare for whatever happens. I appreciate it.
iwaiting
iwaiting
Rose my son has been in jail now 6 days and hasn't been sentenced yet we have to go thur the motions. I don't know how much time he will be facing. I don't think I've experience anything as difficult as this. It is like a very bad dream that I want to wake up from. We have to stay strong that is the key. You especially have to stay strong for your two little girls, they need you. Prayer helps. I pray all day and night for God to give me strength to make it thur this, and he will. It is good you joined a support group as you will not feel so alone. I just joined today and it does help. Remember positive thought bring positive results. Hang in there it's got to get better.
october2014
october2014
Welcome to our little community, Rose. You can learn a lot here from people who have lived through many different situations. Ask anything -- if we don't know the answer, we'll find it for you. ^o^
rewdiazepam
rewdiazepam
Rose,

As I said, you can be sure that the Immigration people will file a detainer on him. They do not want him to go anywhere after his release until they can take him into custody.

He will also be ineligible to go to any prison below medium security. That is how it was when I was in prison, and I doubt it has changed.

When I was in the Oklahoma prison at the medium yard, I had a lot of Hispanics in my reading class who had drug charges and were not United States citizens. Every one of them had a detainer filed on them and on the day of their release, the Immigration people were waiting to pick them up.

I just wanted to tell you now so you and your guy can formulate a plan if you want to be together after all this is over.

rewdiazepam
MistyU
MistyU
Rose, I believe obsessive thinking, crying and praying are all part of starting the process of dealing with this type of situation. It is not an easy journey. It pains me sometimes to see how many of us are on this trail of tears. I think I cried daily for at least two weeks before I could catch my breath and start moving forward. Just be careful how much you share with your 8yr old. She is not emotionally old enough to be able to handle a lot of details. Help her to deal with the problems she faces in her day to day activities, but be careful not to burden her down with too much grown up stuff. You do have your hands full. Those of us here understand your sorrow. In the beginning, you need to take baby steps if that is all you can handle. Keep coming back. It does help.