Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Just need to get this out- I seriously do not understand how some of these guards sleep at night. What do they get out of trying to ruin what little inner peace our guys find on a day-to-day basis?
This guard singled my husband out the other day while he was eating and told him he needs to cut his hair. Now, i know this is not the worst thing someone could tell you to do, and I don't know if CT prisons have any regulations for inmate haircuts, but when so much of your freedom has already been taken away, is it so much to ask to just be able to have your appearance be the way you want it to be? His haircut is normal- maybe half an inch long on the top with a fade down to the bottom/sides. So anyways, my husband told this CO that both the lieutenant and sergeant had looked at him before and hadn't said a word about his hair, and the CO responded by telling him well HE says go to the barber and cut it. My husband told him he wasn't going to, so the CO demanded his ID and marched over to the lieutenant to tell him what happened. He basically got laughed at and told to return my husband's ID. So he was mad that he lost whatever stupid little battle he was fighting in his mind, and decided to screw with us again when I came to visit with our 2 month old. As my husband was walking over to hug me, this dude called him back over to the desk and again started with the haircut thing, trying to get a bad reaction out of my husband so he could have a reason to terminate our visit. My husband knew this was his goal so he brushed it off, but throughout the entire visit the CO stared at us both with so much hate in his eyes, that we couldn't even enjoy our conversation. Later last night when he called me, my husband said this guy strip searched him after our visit and when he got back to his room, the whole cube had been torn apart.
It's one thing for these guards to harass the inmates- it's another thing to make it so blatantly obvious that he wanted to ruin punish me and our newborn baby by taking away our time with my husband because of his own inflated ego. And I am always courteous and polite- I say hello, how are you no matter what and both him and the majority of the other guards there almost always ignore me like I never said anything at all. I'm sorry but I was raised to have manners, and to treat everyone with respect. These men/women will no longer get that from me- I wish I could ask them if they saw me anywhere else beside a prison, and I asked them how they were, would they brush me off like I was a prisoner ? No. Because I'm not, and they should be satisfied with being rude to the inmates they oversee and not feel the need to ruin our day too when we are already going through so much!!
This guard singled my husband out the other day while he was eating and told him he needs to cut his hair. Now, i know this is not the worst thing someone could tell you to do, and I don't know if CT prisons have any regulations for inmate haircuts, but when so much of your freedom has already been taken away, is it so much to ask to just be able to have your appearance be the way you want it to be? His haircut is normal- maybe half an inch long on the top with a fade down to the bottom/sides. So anyways, my husband told this CO that both the lieutenant and sergeant had looked at him before and hadn't said a word about his hair, and the CO responded by telling him well HE says go to the barber and cut it. My husband told him he wasn't going to, so the CO demanded his ID and marched over to the lieutenant to tell him what happened. He basically got laughed at and told to return my husband's ID. So he was mad that he lost whatever stupid little battle he was fighting in his mind, and decided to screw with us again when I came to visit with our 2 month old. As my husband was walking over to hug me, this dude called him back over to the desk and again started with the haircut thing, trying to get a bad reaction out of my husband so he could have a reason to terminate our visit. My husband knew this was his goal so he brushed it off, but throughout the entire visit the CO stared at us both with so much hate in his eyes, that we couldn't even enjoy our conversation. Later last night when he called me, my husband said this guy strip searched him after our visit and when he got back to his room, the whole cube had been torn apart.
It's one thing for these guards to harass the inmates- it's another thing to make it so blatantly obvious that he wanted to ruin punish me and our newborn baby by taking away our time with my husband because of his own inflated ego. And I am always courteous and polite- I say hello, how are you no matter what and both him and the majority of the other guards there almost always ignore me like I never said anything at all. I'm sorry but I was raised to have manners, and to treat everyone with respect. These men/women will no longer get that from me- I wish I could ask them if they saw me anywhere else beside a prison, and I asked them how they were, would they brush me off like I was a prisoner ? No. Because I'm not, and they should be satisfied with being rude to the inmates they oversee and not feel the need to ruin our day too when we are already going through so much!!
I hear the kind of things you have explained from time to time and it is just deplorable. Incarceration is enough of a penalty without piling on with this kind of behavior. Unfortunately, the only response your husband can do is to file a grievance. It will go in this officer's file but may aggravate him even further. If it ends with what you described above, I would let it go and advise your husband to lay low and avoid this man as much as possible. If it continues, he may need to activate the grievance process.
So sorry you are both going through this. It is obvious this officer has a HUGE ego and should not be employed as an officer.
As far as you being nice and getting no courtesy in response, I have been in that position as well. I admire you for continuing to be polite. You show far more strength of character and decency than any of them. Hold your head high and continue to be you!
My love put in a complaint about it he didn't care what they do to him but when they started on me it was a case of look out!
Just remember this when his home those co's screws who gave you guys hell will still be doing time at that place.....its one of the ways we looked at it.
You said, "Later last night when he called me, my husband said this guy strip searched him after our visit and when he got back to his room, the whole cube had been torn apart.."
Having had his area "shook down" and every little piece of contraband seized---no matter how minor---is just standard operating procedure in these situations.
Even if COs do not like each other or a CO is not popular with the other COs, they all usually stick together.
The worst thing your guy could do is file a grievance against this CO. Little things like that have unintended consequences and can backfire very easily to the detriment of the inmate.
A grievance could possibly work out in his favor, but the odds are that it would cause your husband a lot of grief.
Let me tell you a story of an example. A buddy and I went to the chow hall at dinner to eat. My buddy was stubborn and had a tendency at times to buck authority. When we entered the chow hall, he wore his baseball cap. The CO there came over and asked him to take it off while eating.
My friend, being stubborn, got into an argument with the CO. His position was that nowhere in the inmate's rule book or in prison procedure does it say an inmate cannot wear a cap into the chow hall.
Well, my friend and the CO had some very harsh words. The CO then left to ask another officer if he had the authority to prevent an inmate from having his baseball hat on in the chow hall.
As soon as the CO left, I told my friend, "Take the damn hat off! What difference does it make? You are going to make a stink out of nothing."
The CO came back and told him he could leave his hat on. My friend, being much newer to the prison system that I was, was grinning from ear to ear because "he had showed them that they cannot run over him and his rights."
I knew this would cause a problem.
Sure enough, we had not been back to the cell house five minutes when 12 COs came marching in, all with their plastic gloves on. Uh oh.
But they did not shake down just my friend's cell. Oh no, they shook down everyone's cell in the pod-----all 30 of them. While they were at it, they "accidentally" dropped a few TV sets and radios, breaking them.
All the other inmates wondered what had happened. A couple of inmates came to my cell and asked my why the COs were doing a massive shake down. In this shake down, they were also taking everything that an inmate was not supposed to have, like an clipboard or something like that. They never had been that picky about contraband before.
During the shake down, several inmates asked the COs what has going on. They pointed toward my friend's cell and said, "You might ask the guy in cell 13."
So now everyone knows who caused the shakedown, who caused the TV sets to be broken, and who was causing inmates to have their cell torn up with half their property taken.
So the COs left. Was that all of it? Oh, no. Four or five of the inmates took socks and made weapons by putting a pad lock in the socks and swinging the sock around. That is the old "lock in the sock" routine that is seen in prison. Two of the inmates had taken the mops off a large mop and used the wringer portion as a weapon.
They beat my friend half to death. As they left they told him, "If anyone asks, you slipped in the shower. If you tell anyone, we will come back and kill you next time.
My friend "caught out" which means going to the COs and telling them he feels his life is in danger. He was sent to SHU until they could find another prison to send him for his own safety.
I never saw him again.
A medium security prison is not Sunday School.
So the lesson is that in prison values are different. Something a normal person might find acceptable in the outside world has unintended consequences in prison.
rewdiazepam
PS The massive shake down was just a "calling card" to tell the inmates that more is on the way if they continue to do things like my friend did.
He can file a grievance, but he does so at his own peril. It will probably get thrown in the trash anyway, so it is really foolish to file grievances on staff.
When I was in prison, if I could not handle a problem myself, it didn't get fixed. The last thing I wanted to do was involve prison staff.
So every inmate in the system began filing lawsuits against the DOC, claiming they were Native Americans and the paperwork placed such a burden on the system that they just allowed anyone to grown their hair however they wanted.
It is sort of ridiculous to put a man in the penitentiary and tell him how to cut his hair anyway.
rewdiazepam
The CO will have someone new to harass next week and it will all be over. He will move on to someone else---they always do.
rewdiazespam
Every visit she has a comment about something - I usually stay for both AM/PM visits and I have not said a word, even though I want to I simply changed during the break into something else...told my financee I am going to just wear a nuns habit but she would think it was too dark or something most likely.
But in keeping my mouth shut and changing she is figuring out I am not going to play her game. So loose yoga pants and sweaters it is lol because I look at it as a sad way of controlling someone and it is a reflection on her not me and she can stop me from seeing him and that is unaccecptable to me. so keeping my head down keeps my partner off the radar as well as myself.
I dont get why you all put up with that crap if it was hear the screws would of had there bums handed to them by the prisoners....and yea its happened. For example one of the prison hear have a bus that pick people up from the station the screw who drove the bus took to trying his luck with some of the ladys on it there guys heard about it and well it wasn't pretty. ...yeah the guys faced more time for it but when it comes to family they don't take there crap.