Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Hi everyone. I'm new to this group as I've been having a hard time finding support options online but am super happy I came across this website. My boyfriend of almost 3 years was sentenced to 2.5 years in early February, and it's been unbelievably hard as I've never dealt with something like this and used to rely on him alot when having hard time or just to get through my days. It's mostly difficult because my family doesn't really approve of the whole situation (which is understandable), but it's made me feel like I have no one to turn to for advice or support in fear of judgment. He is eligible for Day Parole in about 3 months, so I have been trying really hard to focus on that and keep myself distracted. I wanted to ask if anyone has any tips on how to cope and reduce anxiety while he's in there? Or if there's any online support groups you know of in Canada? He's 21 and says he's been getting along with everyone there and having no issues, but I just worry because I know he has to pretend to be someone he's not and talk a certain way to avoid being viewed as "weak". It's mostly very frustrating because I notice a difference when I speak to him on the phone; he's not as affectionate with the way he speaks and it sometimes sounds like he's speaking to me like the way he would with the guys in there. He gets upset when I bring it up and ask if he's changed as he says he can't talk the same when he's around other inmates, and I know he's worried that I'm gonna leave out of frustration which is not the case. I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this at all when their loved one has called them? Do they speak the same way as they did before they were incarcerated ? Or is the fact that he's talking to me in a tough way just a reflection of the way he needs himself to be viewed in there to get respect and get himself by? When he writes me letters it seems to be completely normal like how we used to talk, but it's just really hard when we talk on the phone because I'm used to a lot of reassurance and affection from him. Any advice or tips? Thanks so much in advance :)
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...
In my own trail of tears through prison family birthrights, I have not found specialized support for the challenges attached, but there is much support to be found under other names and blames. There are quite allot of those options available right here on DS. Myself, I spend most of my Daily Strength time in the PTSD and Anxiety forums. Both those disorders are well represented in the prison legacy.
Yes, prisons are life changing experience, even for the hardest cases, whether they admit it, or knot. There are exceptions to every rule, but I have yet to see the exception to that rule with my own eyes.
Sometimes the change is for the better. Prisons vary widely, even within a single political entity, but most U.S prisons have rehab/mental health programs an inmate can work, should they choose. Should your bf choose to work one or more of those options, it might possible for you to work the post-prison branches of those same options. I have seen that route work to everyone's healing benefit. AA/Alanon are the programs I have witnessed those miracles through most often, but it pays to be open to other programs.
Steadying support while you find your way through. Welcome to DS.
As for advice about what you should do... Write as much as you can as often as you can! It'll help keep you busy and help you still feel connected to him while he's away. Plus, it'll give him something to look forward to! You'll both have good days and bad days, so be patient with each other and communicate! Aside from that, you sound like you're doing the best you can by trying to stay busy. It's not easy, but if you take it a day at a time you'll both get through this.