Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
he's being moved to a level 4/5 security facility for testing. What does that mean? I don't know when he'll be moved. he received information about it. that's all. what kind of tests are they going to do on him? He said he wont be there long but will be moved after that again to another location... He's not a murderer. why does he have to go to such a high security location? Why can't they just move him so I can finally go see him.. he doesn't want me to go to county. he won't even talk to me right now because of how i was the other night. i depress him and bring drama...he doesn't want to deal with that and I shouldn't have made him. anything we need to discuss can wait till he gets home in 4 years... I don't know if I have the ability to do that... I love him so much and can't see myself with anyone else but I don't want him there 4 years.. he didn't do anything that bad.. it was a mere domestic dispute gone wrong... all sorts of charges that they didn't even have him plead guilty of... why such a high security location to test him? what tests? anyone have info about this?
The first prison every inmate goes after he leaves the county jail is called an assessment center. Different states call it different names, but in my state it was called A & R, assessment and reception.
The assessment center is usually a maximum type prison in which the inmates are locked down much of the time in two man cells. The inmate is usually there for around 21 days after which time he will be shipped to his destination prison.
They put the inmate through a series of tests to determine the security level he needs to be and a few other things.
Here is a list of some of the things he will do their at assessment: complete physical exam including several vaccines such as cholera, dental exam, eye exam, psychological evaluation, education tests to determine his level of education, a test to determine what security prison he belongs, the programs he needs to take while in prison and a few other tests.
He will also be tested for tuberculosis, hepatitis C, and HIV.
While there the communication from him will be limited. Most do not allow visits and phone calls are limited. Of course, this varies state to state.
Don't worry about the fact that he has been moved to high security. Usually the entire assessment center is high security. With his crime and his short sentence, he will be moved to a prison of much lower security, most likely a minimum security facility.
Cmorton, I am going to tell you something as a FRIEND who cares about you. I don't want to sound harsh, but you will have to stop the drama and crying about him being gone or you will lose him for sure. He has enough to put up with in prison without you being so emotional. He does not need that and he does not deserve all the emotion.
I tell you this as a former inmate who knows how other inmates think.
You keep asking how you will deal with it. You are worrying about yourself in so many areas. It is me....me...me....me...etc. Don't you think he is also having a hard time in there? Prison is not easy and it is not a cake walk. He probably hates it there.
You are not the first woman who will suffer because their loved one is gone, and you won't be the last. There are other women on this board right here that are suffering just as much as you are.
You would be better served to just relax and let him do his time. Don't make every phone call or letter into some kind of drama episode.
If you continue to do this, he will avoid you.
I am not being mean, but being honest. Sometimes support means telling people what they do not want to hear.
Relax, cmorton. This will not kill you and it will not kill him.
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I realize that this is a very difficult situation for you. I know that.
I have the utmost empathy for all the ladies waiting for their guy in prison. I have written about that before.
I just don't want you to get all wound up and emotional and lose your guy. You said he is already mad at you, so that should tell you something.
Inmates do not like conflicts at home. It makes them nervous. They don't like getting letters full of negativity and drama.
cmorton, be supportive. You will never get the answers to all the "whys" of this world, so don't even try. Things will get better with time---but you have to allow them to get better.
You CAN and you WILL get through this, but it will take the two of you united together to make it easier. HE NEEDS YOU AND YOU NEED HIM.
But he needs someone who is calm, rational, and able to make good decisions. You will be no good to him----or your kids-----if you fall apart.
And your kids should always come first.
cmorton, throughout the history of this country, thousands upon thousands of women have had someone they love go to either prison or war. In 99% of these cases, everything turned out OK in the end. There is absolutely no reason at all that you cannot do the same.
If 99% of them can do this, I know you can.
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You may find when his done with the assessment that's when he will get the credit for the 5 months that his done. Yes assessment prisons are normally high sercity prisons.
Yes this is hard but you do have to be supportive of him while his going though this hearing you upset will add stress on to him and upset him as well..yes he needs to hear what's going on but always try and end on a positive if it's a letter or a phone call it will help.
Iam at the tail end (we hope ) of 4 years so I do know what it's like. Just remember as each day ends it's one he doesn't have to do again and one closer to him coming home. They can't stop time even if it feels like it's stopped.
You are not weak!!
I just got an email from my husband today telling me that where he is 3 guys were beaten up, all older gentlemen one was for his commissary, another because he mad a comment because a jumped in line ahead of him and the other I do not remember. So now I worry about my husband and his safety because of all this.
Normally it is very boring in there according to my husband, but then they have there days that it is not.
We have our issues and we discuss them. I tell him exactly how I feel good and bad. I do not do it to make him feel bad I do it to let him know how I am doing. He tells me things about him good and bad so I know how he is also what he is going through.
No matter how bad I feel and want to yell at him at times I do not because I know how bad it will be on him and the last thing I want right now is for him to feel I am mad or my love is going away for him. Some days it's hard to hold back my feeling but I do.
Please try to not worry so much - I know it is not easy. Just be there for him and let him know you need him and love him - that will mean the world to him right now knowing he has you there for him.
Will pray for you.
Cmorton, Try to stay calm even when you aren't whenever you talk to them. Imagine being upset and not being able to help you and being stuck in there. That would make them feel even more helpless. REW is right....we will get through this, it won't be easy but we have no choice. I try to find things to stay busy when I feel panicky, even if it's cleaning the house. This is hard for us but it is also hard on them. We have to remember that. I try not to even give him any bad news or talk about the rotten things that are going on in the world. They need positive support. Hang in there!
Hubby writes a lot of poor me and apologizes a lot for it. He questions everything, because others tell him that his family won't wait for him. Most of the time, I'm trying to encourage him. I share my day, share devotions and respond to whatever he says in my letters. I understand he deals with a lot, and try to look at things from his viewpoint. Rew is a great friend I know I can turn to if I need help.
Being too needy won't help him. Come here to vent and get support so you can help him.