Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I feel angry and resentful. I am sad and crying. I barely eat though I do try. I am moody a lot. My boyfriend calls from jail and I can't even be the way I should normally be. He has spent more time calling his kids than he does me. I feel like I'm truly alone. I have no one to turn to. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that this whole thing is eating up what little of me is left... My emotions are all over the place from anger to sadness to resentfulness.. My mind is racing in all the things that I can't even talk to him about yet since I believe some of it is stuff that could get him in more trouble. My heart hurts... in ways I can't even express... I don't know where I fit in anymore...if at all. He says he loves me and I still love him. I'm waiting for him. I think this situation is eating up more of me than it is of him... He is dealing with it much better than I am. I am angry and dark a lot. I don't know how to go on without him here. That's the truth. He wants me to slow down my writing since he needs to catch up... he only calls me every couple days..and those calls always end up with him getting off the phone worried about how I am doing.. I don't like being angry and sad all the time but I don't know what to do about it and I hate hiding anything from him... I don't mean to do the poor me again... I don't know what to do or why I'm feeling like this... suggestions?
The thing with depression and anxiety is that it takes a few weeks for the melds to settle in and make a difference. I had to take my doc's word for it that I'd get a handle on this. I believed her and stayed on course, and the meds kicked in. I've had to try a couple of different meds at different doses until finding the right one.
Find someone you can talk to, someone who has good credentials, and partner up for good treatment. A lot of good stuff doesn't happen overnight, so give this some time too. My counselor is a clinical social worker who knows about prison life and has a couple of ex-offenders as clients. I really feel like I can talk to her and get good teaching and advice.
As for him wanting you to slow down on your writing to him try finding some cards that say how you feel and send them to him that way his still hearing from you and know that your ok.
I think part of this is that your mad at his ex for putting you guys in thispposition? Give yourself a bit of time the others might be finding this just as hard but are putting on the happy face to the outside world.
Just wanting to be different won't make it happen. You can't wish for it, or. It it in a gift shop. It isn't in a store or on a website catalog either. You have to work for it, and the best way to do that is to let someone who knows what you're going through walk alongside you and show you the way. I don't know what you think counselors do or don't do, but you may be surprised at how helpful they are. I've had good counselor sand rotten counselors, and the good ones are worth their weight in gold!
C, you can't solve your problems by yourself -- you've already tried that. Please get some professional help and give treatment a chance.
Bambosnipes, October2014, and Suchaslife have all given you some excellent advice regarding your emotional problems.
I was in the medical profession for almost 25 years. Heed their advice.
It is obvious to me that you cannot "work your way out" or conquer all your fears, resentment, bitterness, etc., by yourself. YOU NEED HELP. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to a professional, as we all need help sometimes.
You, like most people with depression, likely have a chemical imbalance within the brain tissue itself and you can do nothing about that but get on some meds to correct the problem.
The longer you allow this to continue, the better chance the depression will "crystalize" and become more and more of a problem.
Not only was I in the medical profession, but my son who lives with me is now in Nurse Practitioner Psychiatric school. He agrees.
Find a professional that can prescribe you some light meds. I remember you did that once before and the doctor said you did not need them??? I can assure you that if you tell him or her what you are telling us, he will do something. If he does not, he is not much of a doctor and you need to find another one.
Keep looking for someone that will help---that's what they are trained to do.
Get some help.
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Do you have any family close? What physician do they use? Do they like him and think he is competent?
How about friends? Can they tell you who might be a decent physician to see?
Surely someone you know and trust can recommend a physician that can help.
Any medical doctor or internist can get you on the right track. No, they are not specialists, but all the decent physicians I knew were competent enough to prescribe anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety meds. At least that will get you started and if you need more help, you can go from there.
If you need to see a counselor or psychologist, the physician can recommend on. But you have to get your foot in the door, so to speak. You have to take that first step toward finding help.
It is risky to just go down the Yellow Pages and look for a doctor. Most good doctors are well known and word of mouth is usually a good indicator of a physician's ability to handle situations.
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I checked with the Wal Mart $4 prescription plan, and they have a few antidepressants which you can buy a 30 days supply for four dollars.
Citalopram is one. It is the generic name for Celexa and my son has used it a lot. I know it is good.
So the drugs are very reasonable in price. If you need any other meds, check to see if they are on that plan.
Just trying to save you money and help.
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Iam glad that the gym helped a bit.
Hang in there and keep talking to us.
Surely one of the nurses that you trust can recommend a physician. It only has to be a GP, not a specialist Nurses or hospital personnel are usually pretty honest about something like that.
Also if you know your pharmacist really well, ask him. He is not necessarily supposed to make recommendations, but if you know him and trust him, he will usually give you a hint who will be good--with a wink! wink!---to let you know it is off the record.
Pharmacists know these things because they see all the prescriptions doctors write. We know the quacks and the bad doctors because they usually prescribe either bad medicine or weird doses. So that is another possible avenue. If you do not know the pharmacist well, he will not make a recommendation.
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Hell, just tell them you have personal problems that are getting you down and you need to find a physician that can possibly help. Of course, you will need to tell the doctor your entire story---but trust me, they have heard them all.
Put your trust in a professional.
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