Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
It hasn't even been a week yet... and I stay up late every night crying. I can work long hours and not really want to leave. I actually want a 2nd job to stay busy. I haven't been able to laugh or smile in days. I am barely eating. I have no appetite. Just feel nautious with fear and worry. My boyfriend was sentenced tuesday. He almost got in worse trouble because he was 2 and a half hours late to court. he's always fashionably late to whatever event it is. He got 4 years. he has 2 kids that are sad he's gone. He had asked me to text them and tell them he loves them. I did but their mother said if I text or call again she will file for harassment.. she sent me some nasty emails... back and forth we went for a while.. she said lies about how my boyfriend still loves her and some other things to get under my skin. i just feel so alone. I have no desire to do anything.. my classes will start in about two weeks and I have no interest at all. Just wish the 4 years would hurry up..I want him in my arms again. to see him smile and laugh. to love him like I want to without all the stress we have had ... nights I cry the most.. days a little but not like night time... I realize how alone i am.. we always are together... how can I be ripped from his side again... 4 years he got for having an argument with his kid's mothr that got out of hand.. she lied and made things up in her statement.. the same biatch that contacted me to try and get me to leave him... notghing will make me leave him.. i love him and always will. why can't she just leave him alone and let him be happy with me... I can't imagine going 4 years without the man I love.. it may seem like a short time to some of you and all of us want our man by our side... I'm no one special with that... we are all hurting.. it just sucks. I miss him so much. I look at his pictures and smile but end up crying excessively moments later.. he's asked if I'm eating well but I've told him the truth. I told him I cant eat and barly sleeping... i always have nightmares of losing him and trying to get to him but just too far away.. what do these mean? I am depressed but I don't want medicine. I believe I csn do this. i can wait for him...even if it makes me miserable.... I feel like I'm in prison too... I don't want to be in this world without him to share it with me.. I want his love and his warm arms around me.. I want him to feel loved and accepted.... not embarrassed about being in fchains and rags.. there's nothing I can do to make this alll better. the lawyer I got him suckd... now he has to be locked away for years... how am i ever going to gt through this? I don't even know if he will get credit for his 5 months he served before I bailed him out... the sentencing was so fast... 4 years... that's all I can think of... I don't want him to be away from me in that dreadful place that long... he doesn't deserve this... I feel alone and afraid for him... I love him wth all my heart... he has my heart...
Sometimes we have to deal with reality and the reality is that your guy was sentenced to four years and will be away from you for a while.
When I first went to prison, I was sure that someone would come forth and set the record straight and I could be released. I thought my innocence would be proven, that somehow, someone or something, would come forward and clear this entire mess up.
When I got to prison, I was issued a plastic mattress about a half inch thick and two sheets. I was so sure this mistake would be fixed that I never even put my sheets on my bed---I would be going home soon. So for two months, I slept on that plastic mattress.
I had a very young kid as a cellmate who had been through the juvenile system and now was in prison at a medium security prison. He told me one day, "You might as well put your sheets on the bed because you will be here for at least eight years."
This is called a reality check.
And so it is with you. I hate the fact that your guy was sent to prison and I hate that you are sad, BUT you will have to hold things together emotionally. You have at least a couple of years to wait and if you are this depressed and nervous day in and day out for that two years, you will never make it.
I am not trying to be harsh. I am trying to make you see reality here.
There are other ladies on this board who have a loved one doing 10, 20, or 30 years and they would love to be in your shoes with a boyfriend or husband with only a four year sentence.
You have to persevere and make up your mind that you REFUSE to let this defeat you. After all, you will not be worth anything to your boyfriend if you become a mental cripple.
Take one day at a time-----and relax.
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I'm sorry you're feeling so overwhelmed. Try to breathe and stay as calm as you can. Every day that passes, every hour, is one day, one hour closer to him coming home to you.
BUT I lived through it.. one day at a time. I had to find a way to occupy my time, and NOT be so depressed to live and make sure i could get money to go see him and talk to him on the phone and to get through it for myself. This is tough yes, I hated every single minute of the day that he was in there, but there is no choice, so you do what you have to do to get through it.
And the more you keep busy, the faster it will go. And he will be more content too, knowing you are ok, and not falling apart. He doesn't need that to think about too.
Just take today, and learn one day at a time... each day I will do something to distract me for awhile.. go for a walk, go see a friend, go walk around a park, even go to a zoo, and look at animals. If you can... GET A DOG or cat. When I had my dog, she really helped me get through it That dog would see me cry and come stand on her hind legs, put her front legs around my shoulders and lay her head on me. She hugged me.
Go do some volunteering.. with kids, or elderly. It will help you.
No matter how long they get, it is always the '"end of the world" for us. It seems like it. But as the months progress, and he gets more content with the inevitable that he is staying awhile, he will get in a routine too. So for now, pretend he is at war.. doing what is demanded of him. But at least you get to see him. Wives and gf's of those don't get to see them, can't picture what they are going through, don't know if they will EVER come home or not.
Make plans for your future.. and work to get those plans obtained.
This time I didn't succeed, but usually I had saved enough for us to go on a vacation when he got out. Or got him something nice.
People say we shouldn't take them on a vacation after they get out of prison, that they were in there to be punished.. OH WELL, they did their time, and the vacation really helps get them back into the world without having everything slam them in the face right away, and WE need the vacation. WE have worked hard to keep everything together while they were gone, and WE have went through emotional hell. So WE deserve that vacation too. And it really helps get the two of you back in sync.
So work towards that vacation.. even if it's just to a resort a few miles away from home. Anything. Just to introduce him back into your world slowly and lovingly.
We didn't get to do that this time, and the re entering into the world got pretty tough on him. He started work a few days after he got out. It was too much.
There's something to plan for. Work hard, save for a vacation. Anywhere.
Strength comes easier as time passes. Trust me when I say that going through this will make you stronger and make him stronger as well. It is times like these that helps both people to realize not to take things for granted. Write him letters and talk about the things you want to do together when he is able to come home; it gives them something to look forward to.
In regards to the 5 months that he served in county I am sure that they will adjust his time and take off that time he has already served. I find it helpful myself to check the DOC website to make sure that his days are coming off as well. (That's just me) You are not alone and you will make it through this because there is no other choice but to make it through for the both of you. You can do this.
Hopefully this has helped you a little bit.
Get the 2 job if you think it will help you just be careful not to brun yourself out with it. Yes he will be worried about you and how your handling this.
Keep writing to him you will both need those letters to keep you going.
Hang in there and keep talking to us.