Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
Apparently I am using my mother if I do anything good for my guy. I needed her to watch my kids so I could go meet with the lawyer and sign the retainer document. It was only for an hour. She felt that I was using her and therefore broke her trust. WTH!!!! I want to scream. No one gets what I am going through. I miss him so much tonight.. I am back to my tears. They haven't really stopped but they are bad tonight. I am listening to songs he and I would like together. I went to the jail they have him at and I couldn't visit him. I was dropping off clothes he'd need for court. They wouldn't let him have his boxers or socks or shoes. They tried giving me his clothes he went in there with! Why would they do that? So my mom is against me... and anything I do to help him is a horrible thing... My kids miss him... I miss him... I wish he had called me today. I wanted to talk to him so badly... I just want to hug him and kiss his face.. anything... He won't let me visit... He says he doesn't want to be seen in there... I've asked him so many times... I don't know what else to do... He knows I want to see him... The only good thng is that he now has a lawyer... I paid for the retainer... His dad helped me pay for it to start everything... lawyers are not cheap... As I was sitting at the jail he is being held I thought of allt he things he has to endure in there... I'm out here waiting but he has all the mental games going on in his head... he has the real burden of all of this.. while I have to come up with money for his life to be saved and our life to be together again... I have the easier part of this... My kids keep asking questions and they write him but I haven't sent the letters. He says that he misses his own kids and hasn't heard from them that he doesn't feel right getting things from my kids...so I have held onto them for when he is ok with it... This is purely the hardest thing I've ever had to do... everyone around me tells me to let him go... I can't. I won't.. I am his.. there are those that wait for their men through the good and the bad... I'm loyal and I can't just turn my back on the man I love... I just feel like everything is going bad and I am powerless to stop it... I am back to not having an appetite.. none of my clothes that used to fit, fit.. all too baggy... I am moody all the time... I just can't stand waiting and not knowing what I can do to help him... Nothing I supposed... This is all up to the lawyers now... But it just sucks that my own family can't be there for me.. the mere mention of him is like a swear or a sinful act... what the heck! Its hard enough that he is in there I have to deal with their perfect ways too! ugh! If I didn't need them to help with childcare I don't know that I could be around them.. .they are also helping with a legal issue I am dealing with which I am thankful but again... i don't know how much longer I can be around them when they hate the man that I have loved since I was 16... yes, he and I made bad choices and we've learned from them... he made a bad choice and he is now paying for it... he gets what he did and what is happening because of things... he feels bad for all of this... but he is a good man and he is loving and caring and strong... I need him... it just sucks that we're being torn apart again...
another thing is idk how old his kids are or if the mother is his ex that he got into a fight with if she even allowing his kids to write to him she might be throwing out all their letters ect...
I honestly don't understand why he won't let you visit him I think you need this more than anything right now because I think honestly once you see him and stuff you will be a little at ease you will still worry and have some sleepless nights but I think right now all you need is to see him...I would keep asking to see him become annoying he might get mad but don't back down and you might have to play the I'm done card because Honestly if my guy wouldn't let me see him I would be done because would say I'm good enough to talk to on phone,give money to but not see him would make me feel like he was using me...
If your mother feels used, then see if you can find someone else to help you out (maybe his parents). I would also sit down and let them know that your not leaving. That if they try to make you choose, it will be him everytime. Maybe after hearing this, they will back off and be more supportive. Mine became less vocal when I stopped speaking to them for several months- it was then, that they realized I was serious. I though no longer ask for their help when it comes to time with hub.
My family hates him. They think he is evil and thought that since I started with him ... there's nothing I can do to change their minds. they are against him and always have been...
You are right.. they don't know what I'm going through but they could go a little easy on me.. they feel that I use them if I need someone to watch my kids and I'm going to do stuff that could help him... wth? that bull...
I do need to see him.. and talk to him. I need letters... its just so hard to deal with this when I feel like I'm failing
As for your family that is a hard one as I get no support from my family or his family when it comes to my husband, it's like he is gone totally. No one totally understands the feelings you have for him unless they are in your shoes. Luckily I have friends that support me and let me talk about my husband to them, this helps alot. Just because he has done something wrong does not mean you have to walk away from him. He needs your support mentally more than anything right now.
Hope things get better for you as things progess.
You are young enough to be my daughter, but I would handle the situation much differently.
Your guy might be a dreadful person, but it is you who, in the end, will pay the price if he turns out to be a dud.
Or he may be a remarkable person, and then you will be able to reap the benefits of his love.
But it is only fair to give him the chance to prove that he is the man you want and need in your life. He, as all inmates, deserve a chance at redemption, and your guy is no different.
But over the years I have seen many situations such as this. Instead of alienating you, as they are slowly doing, your parents should be taking you in their arms and giving you all the help and support you need. I know that is what I would do.
At a time when their daughter needs them the most, they are pushing you away.
Sure, he may not be someone they care for, but they should respect your judgement. Does your judgement not count for anything?
They should do everything they can to help you and to make this relationship between you and your guy work. I know I would.
Why would I do that? Because I love my daughter and I want her to be happy. Right now he IS your happiness.
My daughter's wants and needs come before mine.
I would protect my daughter from enduring a failed relationship by giving her the support she needs. Nobody wins in a broken relationship. There is a lot of emotional pain involved and I love my daughter enough that I would do anything I could to protect her from that pain.
Too many times, parents think they know what is best for their children, even when those children grow into adults. Sometimes the parents are right, but sometimes they are wrong. Your desires and needs are different than your parents' and you see positive things in your guy that they do not.
In all relationships we take a chance. Some work, many do not.
Sometimes love is PROTECTING our children, but sometimes love is letting go and ALLOWING them to make their own choices.
Hang in there.
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