Families of Prisoners Support Group
This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.
This is more than my body and mind can handle. I am so depressed, I just cant do this. I feel so worn out from trying to gather information about rules in the jail (of course they are ever changing) and trying to find out when he will be transferred,? where will he go? is he in danger?How much longer can i stay afloat financially with the cost of a phone calls being so expensive?(i just added 11 phone calls, it was $80) a damn pack of noodles costs .70, plus that processing fee of 10 percent of everything you purchase for them. It is amazing how our government allows the families to be extorted by the jails and prisons this way. I feel like i am in a third world country.
Wow your calls are expensive. Ours aren't great, but they still are only 21 cents a minute. I guess that's good. I spend about 100 dollars a month on calls, which isn't killing me anymore, but when I had no money, I sure gave up other things, like FOOD to talk to him.
Mine in awhile goes to a new real minimum security place. They call it a transition facility, before release. He will be able to be taken to a company in that town to work. They make a regular good wage, NOT the stupid 18 cents an hour, and can send some home, or used it to buy themselves things from the canteen list, BUT the prison takes 66%!!! What a rip off.
Yes, the whole thing is draining, depressing and totally not what we should be treated like.
Prisons are awful to visitors. I read that it is vital for them to have visitors and calls, so they will go back home and not re offend, but prisons don't really want them to NOT go back in.
Some things you just have to face the fact you won't be able to find out about. They don't know when they are going to be transferred. Mine was woke up in the middle of the night, weeks before he thought he was going. No warning, so he could tell me.
For the most part, they aren't in danger unless he is in some notoriously terrible prison. My guy said they are just in danger of being bored to the point of going insane. Mine took on craft projects and signed up for a job. They make barely nothing, but it helps with canteen. And their sanity. Gave him a purpose to his day. He took pride in how good he did his job.
I got spoiled and he calls me several times a day. Even when I didn't work, somehow I kept money on that account. I live far from family and friends, don't know anyone here, so those calls are my lifeline. I could of went with one call a day and had more money. It was my choice. He tried to cut them down, and I whined.
Hey it's still cheaper than what he spent on beer. LOL!
Mine has been gone 17 months, I think, and I am still very depressed, but I get busy, go somewhere, clean a closet, or whatever and fool my head into not thinking about it.
Wait til you have car problems, or problems with your house, or big stuff to us that they could figure out in a heartbeat. That's been going on with me lately. I get frustrated, I cry, and I did send him a bitchy letter. Ooops! Oh well, he gets nasty to me when he is having a rough week.
He is in treatment classes now, and they are making him think about his actions, how he treats others, why he drank, and who knows what else, so he has been pretty awful off and on for months.
We have to deal with them TOO!
We are led to believe all our lives that our country is the best in the world. HAHA don't believe it. I think maybe Australia, or Sweden, or some other places are better. We have the most people in the whole world in prison. Suchaslife has had issues living in Australia too. But we are definitely getting ripped off by our good ol USA
I was on my way to bed-----I keep strange hours ha ha-----but I saw your message and wanted to help you.
Janie, you CAN do this and you WILL get through this BUT you are going to have to take one thing at a time. You may have to compartmentalize things to stay sane.
You are worrying about information about the jail, the rules there, when he will be transferred, where he will go, if he is in danger, and your finances. No wonder you are stressed; if I was worrying about ALL those things at once, I would be a nervous wreck. You will have to just tackle one problem at a time. It is like eating----if you put too much in your mouth and try to chew it and swallow, you will choke.
Janie, you are "choking" because you are putting too much on your plate at one time.
Slow down a little.
The rules of the jail are not that difficult and your son should know most of them. The only thing you really need to know is the mailing procedure, the phone procedure, and the visiting rules. You may not know all of them right now, but you will in time.
You will not know when he will be transferred, as they never tell the inmate until just before he is shipped. They say it is for security reasons. So there is no need to worry about when he will transfer because you won't know.
You will also not know where he is going until he gets there. So, again, no need to worry.
Try to relax; all this will take care of itself and fall into place soon.
If your son keeps a low profile, minds his own business, does not snitch on anyone, or does not get into debt he will be fine. Ninety nine percent of those who go to prison serve their sentence, are released, and then can get on with their lives. Yes, he is probably scared, but guess what? There will be a lot of other inmates in there just like him----scared, not knowing what to do or how to act. It is not like they will put him in there with nothing but convicted murderers.
If you have questions about his safety or anything, you can message me anytime. I was in prison for a very long time at one of the roughest prison in Oklahoma and I know how inmates think. I can help you and your son if there are problems.
Sure, you are worn out now because putting everything on your mind all at once is causing you a LOT of stress. Stress causes fatigue.
If you absolutely feel as if this is consuming you and you cannot function, go to your doctor and get a mild antidepressant for your depression and/or a mild relaxant so you can sleep at night. I don't want to make you a pill head, but you have had so much piled on you that you may need some help.
Don't be afraid to reach out to others and don't isolate yourself.
I have been in, around, or in prison reform for 25 years now. You can do this, but you will have to take it easy or you will get ill for sure. If you get down, you cannot help your son.
Janie, I have seen and talked to probably a couple of thousand of people who went to prison----and their families----over the years. Ninety nine percent of them do fine. I am sure your son is of reasonable intelligence and he has a good support system, so there is no reason at all that he cannot do the same.
The other ladies will be by shortly and give you their ideas. The women are probably better with emotions than I am, but stick around this board. If you need help, send one of the members here a private message. Don't suffer in silence.
I believe in you and I believe in your son. You will be in my thoughts and if there is anything I can ever do for you, do not hesitate to message me.
rewdiazepam
I feel that I was treated so unfairly at work and there is nothing I can do about it. I never did anything but a great job for this property. I survived 4 management changes and I was lead to believe that I would still have my job after this one. I was blindsided when I needed the job the most. Only one of my work mates knew of my daughter situation and they didn't keep her either. We both had been there the longest. I just want to shout to the world "How could you do this to me right now?"
I am also so angry with my daughter. How could she do this to us again? I started cleaning some drawers out (I want to throw everything away) and I came across 2 letters that my daughter wrote to me 4 yrs. ago while in the same jail, both professing that we will never have to worry about this happening again. She is sooo sorry. So sorry that she did the same thing again. She has hurt so many people and I want her to know it, but I feel like she has enough of her own guilt to deal with. She lied to me about the circumstances of this arrest and that's another thing I am just furious about. She had the nerve to steal from a department store that her son had worked at. He left the store on excellent terms when he went off to school. Can you just imagine how he feels? I am so tired of being embarrassed by her. We are good people and never deserved to have her chip away at us as I feel she has. I have helped her out for 20 years and now I realize it was to a fault.
I also need to take the advice of tackling one problem at a time. There are so many people worse off that but when I put it altogether, it's too much for my brain to handle. I ask God to help me be patient and that I can overcome this. I want to focus on the fact that we are healthy (a little too old for all of this) and are not completely broke yet. Then all the bad thoughts keep sneaking back in my head. I want to scream "Please make it stop". Maybe some day I'll look back and say this whole situation helped me in some way.
Thanks to all of you for being here for me to vent to.
I'm sorry I cant be of more help. Just want to give you my support.
Ok sit down do a budget as to how much you can afford for calls and canteen and let him know that so he can work out when and how often he can call you......for us it was one to two calls mind week and 4 on the weekends i know not much but it got us though it......oh and its normal to spin out when they dont call at the normal time!
Rew is totally right the number one things you need to know is about visiting and what you can and can't send in to them yes the rules do and can change at little notice but i did find rolling with it kinda helped sure i got mad at the system but at the end of the day there wasn't much we could do. As for knowing when there going to move him well he probably won't know until it happens so try not to panic when you dont hear from him for a day or two.
the other thing that helped me was setting a set amount as to how much money i could put on for him......hear it was $140 per month so i worked out my budget around that.
tell him to stay out of prison debt and away from any gangs he should be ok oh and dont drop anyone in it that doesn't go down well.
hang in there and talk to us this can ware anyone out.......i think iam still trying to catch up on sleep!