I lecture him about how his treatment to me is wrong and how he makes me feel. I also turn it around on him so that way he understands where I'm coming from. If he gets too heated, I stay calm and tell him I'm hanging up unless he starts being reasonable. If he continues to bean ass I hang up and iignore him for a day so he can sit and think. I don't go longer than that because then he'll think I'm hiding something.

Jealousy is a bitch and it's totally unfair that they take it out on us when we're the only ones really supporting them. I always try and be the rational one whenever we get into that area.

Ya I try too not get to mad and recently he is calm but he sits on the phone with me for 20 minutes and I can just tell he is mad and getting all worked up so I'm trying to talk for twenty mom and get 1 word answers so I kinda quit talking to then we start fighting about how it feels like our relationship is failing. Ugh so frustrating

I think it's their way of feeling more in control of their lives on the outside. My son's father is the same way. They want to still feel connected. I would say just tell him that you see his jealousy as negative and that's the last thing you need right now.

My advice- don't mention other guys, period.

Yeah I guess that's what I'm gonna have to do but it bugs that he talks about girls (famous or not) and I'm fine with that but I try to point out that if when I mention a guy u freak but you expect me to sit here and talk about these girls... Ugh it's just frustrating

Well that's totally unfair- tell him no double standards allowed! He can't talk about other women either. Don't we have enough to worry about without adding stuff ourselves? Ask him to stop & explain why.

I know I try to not let it bother me because I want him to see that I don't get mad so maybe he will lighten up too but oh we'll I have dealt with it for 11 years. Thank you all for the feedback it is much appreciated

My two cents on this one is that there are guys who tell our loved ones that we are cheating on them while there in there so that could be in the back of his mind.
Yes he has a double standard and I would ask him why it's ok for him to talk about chicks and you can't talk about guys.

I do ask him most time he laughs and he apologizes but still does it again he says it's not a big deal but I try to tell him the same thing oh well I just wondered how you all dealt with it or if your guys were jealous

It's tough because we want to be open and honest with our guys, but on the other hand some things are better left unsaid.

Truthfully, you tell them what they have to know, you shush on things that will cause problems, and you just do it knowing that it makes life simpler.

They certainly hold a lot in what they are thinking and what is happening there. Who says we have to tell them everything? Omission is not lying. It is saving the problem that they may cause, for no good reason.

They get bent out of shape for things we don't even know will cause problems. So just keep them in the loop of everything else, that they won't, and spare them and yourselves the anguish of their stupidity on this kind of thing. Been there, done that.

Sometimes the best advice is to say nothing at all. If you know jealousy is a hot topic for him then don't give him conversations that will inflame his imagination

To understand this jealously issue, you have to understand the mind set of the typical inmate.

Inmates try to be strong, but many are really fearful of being rejected again. They were rejected by society when they were sentenced and they don't want that to happen again. Many have been cast out by their family and have been rejected all their life.

Their ladies who love them are the only thing many of them have left in this world. Many inmates hold you ladies so close to their heart that the fear of losing you is something they cannot address.

Why are most inmates insecure? If you were housed in a 5' x 7' cell with a cellie you probably did not like, fed food that is just one notch above dog food, slept on a plastic mattress less that one inch thick, were watched as you showered, and generally told you were a piece of trash, you might not feel too good about yourselves either.

Some inmates hear all the derogatory comments about prisons and people in prison that I think they begin to believe it themselves.

So in many instances, this jealousy is fueled by their experiences in prison.

You ladies should be upset when your guy is so jealous that it begins to affect your relationship, but there is a reason for much of this jealousy----the conditions that a man is made to feel in prison.

rewdaizepam

There's something else I just thought of our guys can't do much for us while they are in there let alone protecte us so yes there going to have a bit of the green eye monster when they hear that a guy is helping us.
I do fully agree with what Rew has said please listen to what he has said.

They just miss us, and miss what they can't have. They hate that we have to live like we do, but don't want anyone else in our life helping. They fear that we will find out that life could be better without them. They will usually try to give us an out if we want it. But I never did, and never will.

Sometimes now that he is home, I don't understand why he acts like he does. Then I start thinking what his life was just six months ago, and how its changed. Maybe the changes came on too fast, maybe he pushed himself back into this world too fast, and expected too much. We can't understand because we have never lived through anything like they have or are.
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Mine wanted to do it all, buy it all, and show the world what a success he had become. He is an alcoholic. The pressure he put on himself was too much. So he went back to drinking.. he vanished for 5 days, couldn't stand being around ME, because that felt like prison to him. He just needed space, needed to act out and do things that I would not approve of, and he was right. I hated it. Ended up, he sobered up and hated what he had done too. He had demolished all the good things he had accomplished, or so he thought.

What I am trying to point out is that prison does a lot to their self esteem, while in and even after. Life after prison is difficult too. So imagine, and we can ONLY IMAGINE what their brains are going through while in there.

I look at mine while he is sleeping now, and cry. He didn't mean to do what he did a week ago. He was out of control because of his alcoholism, but also because what he endured while in prison.

So ladies, go gentle with them. WE ARE THE STRONGER OF THE TWO in the relationship. We have to be. Women are natural nurturers. We are always the one that has to carry the load at home, even when they just work, and don't go to prison. We take care of our homes, our kids and still work. And many times men just work, and do the yard work and simple repairs, but on their own schedule. WE have to fit everything in.

So,while jealousy is not fair, and they aren't right. In their mind, there is many things going on to cause it.