Families of Prisoners Support Group

This community is dedicated to families that have been disrupted by prison. Having a loved one incarcerated or having been incarcerated comes with its own unique challenges that require support and understanding. Join the group to find others who know what you're going through, and to seek advice or share your experience.

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2/3 sons in jail

overcomingsadness
overcomingsadness

I am 67 and have 3 autistic adult sons. Eldest, 45, is living quite a distance away but is doing ok and has turned his life around after involvement in drugs and drug dealing. Two are currently in jail. Both have been/are meth addicts and have been/are involved in petty crime since they were teenagers. Youngest one is 38 and middle son is 43. Youngest son's 3 year old daughter is now in care as her mother is also a meth addict. I am a single parent and have dealt with absolute chaos and they have all been abusive towards me. Youngest 2 still blame me for everything! I get to see my granddaughter via Child Protection/Zoom meetings once a week and have met her twice in 3 years. Most recent was 6 weeks ago. My other 3 grandchildren to my middle son are now growing up (15/18 & 21) and are also estranged as daughter-in-law would not have anything to do with me because of my son's behaviour. Although these 2 sons have been estranged from me due to their lifestyle choices, I am still finding it difficult to accept these outcomes and feel a total failure as a parent. I can't help but compare myself to other friends and aquaintences who have families and celebrate special occasions together. My 3 sons hate each other and won't be in the same room. I feel shame, powerless and hopeless. I try hard to let things go but then I get news of their latest predicament. Most recently, my youngest son's photo and his crime was in the main state newspaper. Its like I am showered in manure all over again. I can cry, clean myself off and get on with my life but it gets harder and harder as they get older and continue to sabotage their lives. Any advice would be helpful.

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Gentle hug Overcoming.... I am so sorry that you're dealing with so much... This would be hard

If your son's choose to this could be a good time for them to become clean and sober and make a plan with some goals for the future

Al anon or Nar anon might really help you with regards to being a loved one of an addict who needs support ...... It's free and they're wonderful support groups.... They're all over the place... Just Google them in your area..... I believe NA is in most prisons and available to inmates again if they're willing to work on their sobriety....

This must be painful.... Things can turn around.... Addicts aren't having a good time.... I hope that perhaps this will be hitting bottom for them..... You can always write letters of love and support even if they say that they're angry with you right now.... Perhaps receiving a loving letter would be a good thing for your sons to receive

Another hug....xo
brknhrt
brknhrt
I wish I had advice. But I am feeling a lot of the same things as you, from a combination of my brother and my son, both with a comibination of estrangement, imprisonment, addiction, and possibly autism or at least close to it. I can relate to feeling like a failure as a parent and person, feeling the shame sprayed all over you like manure, feeling hopeless and so alone, envying others who have normal lives and normal families and kids that actually talk to them and spend time with them, kids you can brag about to your friends...Sun Cloud had a good idea with Al-Anon. I "visited" there a couple times on Zoom and the group I visited seemed like a promising place to meet people who were living with the same types and intensity of things in my life, and to get some real support, but I wasn't ready to put in the time commitment needed to get what I needed to out of it yet. Still keeping it in my back pocket though. It might be worth it for you to check out. One book/author that has helped me a bit is https://www.drjoshuacoleman.com/ He does regular webinars and a weekly free Q&A session, all in support of parents whose children are estranged, for whatever reason. I was recently recommended this book too https://www.amazon.com/Reconnecting-Your-Estranged-Adult-Child/dp/1608686582 I just got it but haven't read it yet.
msmuffintop
msmuffintop
I realize this is an old post and didn't stay active but I am new to this group and struggling with the same feelings. Son is incarcerated I feel like I failed as a parent. When he first got out he was pretty mean to me but he wasn't out for long before he was right back in and I fear it could be awhile this time. I'm scared. I hope someone does respond to this thread. Tell me how you are doing now.
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