Welcome to the board.

I am a guy and I spent almost a decade in prison for the rape of a minor and I was not guilty.

Innocent people do get caught up in our criminal justice system---lots of innocent people are in prison. Thousand upon thousands of them, in fact.

I know you are overwhelmed. There are so many negative emotions bombarding your brain and soul, that your body cannot process all of them fast enough. You are hurt, mad, sad, angry, depressed, fearful of the future, etc. and this manifests itself in depression, anxiety, an inability to sleep, and tears---plenty of tears.

Add to the confusion the complex nature of prison and I am sure you are really dumbfounded with it all.

That is OK. It is normal and you came to the right place. These women are intelligent, compassionate, and a great means of support. They have all either gone through this or are going through this, so they can tell you by experience what it is like.

Nobody is ever prepared for this. It hits us all hard, sort of like a bucket of ice water on a cold, winter day.

There is a good chance that your friend is indeed innocent. The system failed me and it has failed many people in the past. Any time you have a system run by humans greedy for power---DAs, prosecutors, and judges---------there will always be injustices. That is just a reality.

My advice, and I was in the medical field but I am not psychologist, is to give yourself time to grieve. Validate your feelings. You will never understand this madness, but you can grieve. Then learn to "take one day at a time." I know that is an old worn out cliche, but it is so true in these situations. Looking too far in the future and stewing about things that may never happen is like borrowing trouble.

And come here often. If there is something you don't feel comfortable putting on the public board, you can always send someone a private message.
Above everything else, keep the communication open. Don't bottle your feelings up. If you do, at some point this will start to CONSUME you and it will make things much worse.

I am glad you found us.

God Bless you,

rewdiazepam

Hello new friend. I know how upsetting this is. You have no answers to what will happen, you worry about them, you can't have them in your life. It is sad to say the least. I have been on here for over 8 years. Son was in a couple times, fiance in toooo many times. Is again. Probation violation.

Whether he is guilty or innocent, you love or care for this person. It doesn't have anything to do with what happened. We don't stop caring for a person when they get in trouble.

I have strong opinions on what a joke the justice system is. That is for another time. People do get convicted when they aren't guilty. Even guilty people get way more time than is needed. Prison does nothing to rehabilitate. It makes them tougher, more apt to want to go wild when they get let go. Why wouldn't they when they are deprived of every normal thing. They sit in those prisons doing nothing. They are in with people much worse than they could ever be. They are scared, but can't show it. They are sad, and can't show it. Then they lash out at us, with smart remarks, or hang up on us. It isn't us they are mad at. They are mad at themselves, the court, the cops, you name it.

They are made to live with people they may of never associated otherwise, people not like them. They have to learn to survive by living the prisoner's code. You don't snitch if someone is doing something bad, you don't react, you don't look at people a certain way. There are endless rules from guards and silent rules from prisoners.

We as the person left behind grieve their loss in our life. We struggle to stay sane. But we must. They feel worse if we are showing that we are miserable. It is important not to show all your frustrations and worries.

It does end eventually. You do get somewhat used to how to live without them. It's an empty world, but we make do by making our new life without them just comfortable enough to get through it til they come home.

I can't do anything about what he did, although he barely did anything this time. But I can support him and love him no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

Being in prison you don't automatically turn into a bad person. People that cared about you before, if they judge you, then tell them to stay out of your life.

The key to getting through this and it's hard. You must stay busy. It will help you, and him. He will enjoy your phone conversations if you have done things you can tell him. They live vicariously through what we tell them about. They imagine being here. They like to help us by advising us on things they can. Like how to fix something in the house, what auto mechanic to go to, etc.

I take pictures of things I do to the house. I take pictures of our granddaughter so he can see her smile, which lights his day up.

Just keep him involved in what is going on.

And stay on here. You will see other people feeling the same as you and it is amazing how first they sound just like you, so scared, so sad and going through so much. Gradually you will read how things are better for them even for a little while.

People like me lose jobs, we have extra burdens put on us because they aren't here to help. But we get stronger probably than we would of otherwise.

You can do this and we will answer your questions, console you and help you get through this. There are so many awesome people on here. Many people that turn out to be longtime friends. We stay on here even after our people get out.