Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So this person I know likes to drink. He enjoys it. I enjoy an odd drink too. He will go a month without touching a drink. But then he will get pass out drunk for three days in a row. In the last month he has started sneaking out to buy beer, or going to the pub when he says he is working late, and lying to his spouse. Occasionally he will have one beer and stop at that. But generally it's him drinking until he passes out. There are certain people that when he get's around them he drinks heavily.
I love both him and his fiancee. His fiancee is my best friend. I think he has a serious problem and that he is an alcoholic. But she insists he is only borderline. And while she knows what is happening is an issue she won't out and out admit that it's a huge problem. She grew up with an alcoholic father so I don't understand why she can't see the pattern. I grew up with a binge alcoholic. Luckily she got help when I was young and addiction wasn't active in my life from about age 8 til age 14 when my older sister slipped in to the world of drugs.
I've always been the one with the addict, not the one helping someone else with the addict. I'm trying to be patient, and listen much more then talk. I'm keeping advice to a minimum....but it's really hard to watch her hurt so much!
I love both him and his fiancee. His fiancee is my best friend. I think he has a serious problem and that he is an alcoholic. But she insists he is only borderline. And while she knows what is happening is an issue she won't out and out admit that it's a huge problem. She grew up with an alcoholic father so I don't understand why she can't see the pattern. I grew up with a binge alcoholic. Luckily she got help when I was young and addiction wasn't active in my life from about age 8 til age 14 when my older sister slipped in to the world of drugs.
I've always been the one with the addict, not the one helping someone else with the addict. I'm trying to be patient, and listen much more then talk. I'm keeping advice to a minimum....but it's really hard to watch her hurt so much!
Blackouts for three days in a row isn't normal or healthy. I think you know the answer to your question.
eventually the weekends got to be 3 days, then 4...
Yes, anyone who loses control of drinking, that must finish the bottle if it is open, or lies about it, obsessively thinks about it...has a problem. there are online quizzes about it...
I also decided to quit drinking because I saw I had the tendency to want to finish the bottle, or I filled my glass and had some in the kitchen to hide that I had more than my much larger husband....
anyway, he won't change if he doesn't want to, and she sounds like she is boating down the river of denial.
show her the quizzes and then leave it. if she wants to be an enabler, or put up with this behavior, than there is nothing you can do about that either. welcome to the insanity of addiction.
I went to my first alanon meeting to find out how to make the drunk quit drinking. LOL...But you may find some good info in some of their books or meetings...for you. to remind yourself to look after yourself and that whole detachment thing.
obviously both of you have the family dynamic....some decide to not stay on that path, but some don't...they stick with the familiar.
I wish you well...and your friend. And the fiancee...I hope he gets help.
Alcohol use is a continuum. It starts as purely social and moves to abuse and eventually full-blown alcoholism. Somewhere along the line a person becomes a problem drinker, whether they have earned the alcoholic label or not. Clearly he is at least a problem drinker and should address the problems. If he doesn't, he is headed toward alcoholism if he isn't there already. The answer is the same whether he has earned the label or not. He needs to stop drinking and get help if he can't do it on his own. If he does not, his drinking problems will get worse and she will come along for the ride.
Like All addictions the person has to want help. I did an intervention and still there were moments of relapse but if I had dealt with it earlier it would have saved both money and a moment we can never get back.