I was married for 17 years to a man like your husband. It never got any better and it took me going to a therapist to finally see I was letting my children grow up in a environment they would repeat. Your husbands drinking and verbal abuse is what your children are seeing, they do not know any better and have a higher chance of being addicts themselves plus calling their kids terrible names.
Eventually you will keep complaining and no one will listen, because they know you will not make healthy changes for yourself. You will keep hoping your ah will see the light of day.
As for 12 times relapse, this sounds like it could be his pattern. Some addicts are binge type, they can go long periods not using and then the pressure builds and they drink or drug. They haven't learned any new behaviors so they don't keep relapsing.
If you stand strong, and show him you will not longer let your children be placed in danger nor put up with his drinking he may get real help and the chance of him quitting and making healthy changes is slim to none.
I spent way too many years living day by day hoping today would be the day he stopped drinking. He died last month from his drinking and never stopped drinking. Some people never stop.

Yesterday my H called and asked if I still wanted him to pack and leave and I told him I just dont want him to act that way and so that's why he came home and ended up going to the game with the older kids. Today I tried to talk to my son about the dangers of gasoline and that kid was getting so upset with me saying he was tired of this conversation and being sarcastic with me like I know Mom...I like the poof he says...

I finally was able to have a decent conversation about the gasoline fires with both my older children. And my son is much calmer now. He learned never to pour gas on a fire and about the vapors and what to do if he ever started on fire because I guess water spreads gasoline fires so roll on the ground and never put his face in the fire and blow on it to get it started

whatever you decide we are here :) thinking of you

Katrinka thank you for sharing your story with me. I just re read your reply and thinking 17 years! Wow! I still don't know what to do right now my kids love their father and he loves them...

Their really is no easy answer. When emotions are involved it is so much harder to see things as they really are. I will not tell you to leave and I will not tell you to stay. You have to do what is right for you. Not everyone on here agrees with each others advice all the time . The only thing i know is that MOST of the people i have had the pleasure of meeting on here have One common goal to help each other. We all come from different backgrounds financial situations and geography but we have ALL been affected by an addict that we love. My addict is my 18 year old son . His dad and i just celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary on sunday and my son grew up with two loving parents that do not drink or do drugs and we have always put our kids first. I don't know why my son has chosen to go down this path but it breaks my heart every day I'm sure in some ways ( probably mostly financial ) it is harder to leave a relationship with an addicted spouse however you CAN leave that spouse if you so choose and go on and remarry and have a wonderful life. I have no way to escape my addict he is my child no matter what I will never turn my back on him it is not easy but I have to take things one day at a time ( as we all do) just be careful what your children see and hear because it really does affect . I wish you luck! Dee