don't mean to sound judgemental here, but is there ANY reason it would be okay for your husband to call your son a "fatass"??

Absolutely no reason this is ok...I'm very sad and I sent H a message that hecan pack his bag and go tomorrow. He will get it when he wakes up for work..

I know this is so hard... I did this for years and I guess I to some degree will be dealing with this the rest of my life seeing as how we have children together.

you do what you need to do. I let my ex husband treat me however he wanted for a long time, but when he started hurting my kids I felt I had to protect them, that was when i filed for divorce.
how old is your son? old enough for alateen?

I send you hugs tonight, hon.

Hosea77,,,,

I'v been watching and reading quite a few of your different post ,, I have a question for you?,,, when are you going to stand up, and stop being a door Matt,, and become welcome Matt ., I don't mean to offend you in any way , but when is enough,,, enough,, reading this last post,,, your children are in so serious danger,, blowing on a fire the has gasoline in it,, he could be dead!,,, it's not ok for a child to be called names like that,,, sorry mother of five children, we raise our kids to be set up for success,

Re-read all of your post, put you big girl pants on do something about your situation , if not for yourself,, at least for your kids,,, the home is where the heart is,, and a safe heaven for our kids

Again apologize,,, but unless you want to live like this,,, you need to take control of your life ,and don't waste air on empty threats,,,

I pray for you,, for Courage,,,and protection for your kids

Peace girl!

you and your children deserve a happier, more secure, safer life. your husband is allowed to choose whatever he wants for himself .BUT HAS NO RIGHT TO CHOOSE FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. i would say move on with your life if possible, the fire thing could have been a disaster, the wood chopping.... ( my husband cut off three fingers and broke two others while drunkenly using a table saw and the WHOLE FAMILY suffered for it). my husband wasn't a name caller to our children and they are adults now, doing well, but i can see the damage the addiction caused emotionally for them and my heart breaks every day. stay strong you have my love and support.

i can only imagine how hard this is for you...please do the right thing ...you will be okay one day at a time. we are here and we care :)

well, you seem to have gotten an awful lot of people on here quite worried about your children.
That should tell you something.
You are an abused woman. you have been with someone long enough who beat you down, that you don't feel you deserve any better.
We all seem to think you do.
and if you can't think about that, then you need to think about the fact that there is a very good chance your kids could grow up to be exactly like their daddy OR be with somene exactly like him....Both sound awful for yet another generation...and your grandkids to suffer the way that your kids are.

if you aren't going to leave, you are going to have to not let your kids alone with drunk daddy. you are going to have to get them help with a councelor, and you are going to have to educate them on how to stay safe.

I know that it is easy for all of us out in internet land to say leave....just as it is easier to tell the parents of addicts to throw them out....but some of us here have a ton more experience in this stuff.

is there a DS group on here for battered, abused women? maybe that would help you.

meanwhile, I am praying for your kids. You choose to stay, they are hostages in a bad situation.

If he ever touches you or your kids, call the cops. Something has got to give with this situation...I can't imagine your son as a teenager...whew.

Please take care of yourself and your family.

I too am becoming increasingly concerned for the safety of your children. As I responded in one of your other post reread your post and ask yourself what advice would I give to someone else writing this. You have to stop making excuses for your husband and you need to be honest to yourself, I'm sorry for being so forthcoming, but you are allowing him to demean and degrade your children.
There is a big difference between giving up and having enough. You have become a victim of your husbands addiction, but your children are now becoming victims and only you can save them. You don't deserve this, but as long as you enable him he will continue. I hope that you can seek the guidance and assistance you need to gain control of your life. You deserve better and so do your children. I will keep you in my prayers.

if he won't leave please go somewhere and be safe! we care!

Thank you all for your concern and prayers. For a long time Ive been trying to work on this marriage and now I'm feeling like I have all the info and advice that seems to point to me getting some sort of help in this situation. Its not a good place for my kids to be. Especially if he wont stop drinking. Today my boy who is 9 still believes it was safe to blow on the fire because it wasn't lighting up and enough air got to it so it wasn't going to blow in his face. I told him it sure could have! Made him promise me never to do it again. He didn't pack and leave today like I messaged him to....and he was still drinking. I dropped him and my 2 older kids off at a baseball game tonight thinking that would keep him out of trouble tonight and spend quality time and I stayed home with the baby. We got free tickets today from my friend and it was the last weekend. I know I should have went with but I figured they were in public and ok...they called for a ride home and apparantly my H said it would take me 3 hours. And he came home and after a time just went to bed...I patted him.and he said thanks for the pat...aamd we don't even discuss what happened last night....and these r the days of our lives...

did you want him to leave? REALLY? bcause he doesn't believe you. I can't tell you what to do, none of us can. you don't know until you are in a situation liek she is and like I was, what it is like... to know that you "could" leave but you still don't. you feel so powerless... you just keep hoping that this person you love will finaly ACT like they love you too. his behavior has nothing to do with not loving her, it has to do with his untreated problems with addiction... and she and her child have been caught in the blast zone.

she has options. a) keep living how she is b) leave c) get HERSELF help, which involves counseling and/or Alanon for HERSELF.

notice that none of those options said ANYTHING about what her husband was going to do or how HE was going to change.

Hosea... try Alanon again... if you don't liek the meeting you went to last time try another one.. if you don't liek that one try another one... keep trying.. try 7 different meetings before you decide it's not for you.

when I fist went I stopped going because they didn't tell me how to make my hsuband stop using and also because they all seemeed so happy and what the fuck did they have to be so happy about? they OBVIOUSLY had no idea what I was going through or they wouldn't be talking abotu TV shows and getting together to go see a movie and laughinga bout some stupid joke. It also seemed liek teh only answer was to leave my husband or to just stop caring if their loved one died from using.

it was none of thos ehtings. and it was so miserable i thought I would just go insane that I decided to figure out what it was that made all of these people okay.

it is totally up to you when you are done feeling like this. I for one and here for the whole damn horrible journey.

Well thank you for that NW...I just barely know what to say right now. I just can't believe how stupid he is to tell our son to blow on the fire when there was gas in it. Maybe I'll try another Alanon meeting in the future but right now I spend every moment with my kids and babysitting drunk H....

that is your choice, your husband is going to drink whethe you are there or not, he's going to do thinks like chop wood while drunk whether youa re there or not.. take your kids to ababysitter or with you to the meeting.

You not being able to stop him is not because you haven't tried hard enough, it's because you CAN'T stop him. it is impossible... I actually used to spend time planning out how I wish I could tie my husband up and locking him in a room with a gag... just to keep him safe and out of trouble so I didn't have ot feel so scared all fo the time.

I'm here for you. talk to me any time.

Thanks you are right again...hes going to drink whether I'm here or not. I don't have a job and we are broke always so hard to get a babysitter...family is almost no help...

please , friend, go to a shelter and get help. they will help you and your children with the next steps . GET OUT! please. i say this as i would to a good friend and her children