why do you have to give her money? Offer to help her find a job by providing transportation, possible interview clothes, and transport her to the nearest welfare office. If you do provide her with money it will only further her dependence on everyone but herself, and if she relapses she will certainly use it for drugs. Encourage her to be self sufficient.

Alanon would be a good place to start. You'll get lots of information and support. Money?... I wouldn't give her a dime except to pay directly for a room at a sober-living home. The best chance for recovery for her is detox.. 5-7 days; rehab 30 to 90 days and sober-living home 6 to 12 months. She will have chores, curfews, drug testing and a requirement to either be in school or looking for a job and be required to work the AA program and have a sponsor. Her sponsor will also tell her she should not be in a relationship until she has at least 12 months clean. her only focus should be on recovery and therapy to determine why she uses drugs. Drugs are only a symptom, they aren't the problem. After about 60 days she can have an over night pass.
http://soberliving.interventionamerica.org/searchdirectory.cfm?State=NC Go there to find a home for her.
Good Luck.

If she were commited to her recovery she wouldnt move in with a drug addict.
Watch out.

I agree with Joe on this one. It would be her biggest mistake to move in with the old drug addicted boyfriend. As far as money issue, don't give it to her. If she needs food, clothing, etc. go with her and buy it but never hand a drug addict money. Good luck.

I know what you are going through! The last thing that you should do is hand your daughter money. We both (you and me) know this. We want to take care of our kids...it's what we do...we are the MOM. But there are so many other ways to help them and sometimes not helping them is best. We can't make them better! They have to choose that for themselves. This boyfriend is poison and if she is choosing to live with him then she is only in rehab to please the people that wanted her to go there in the first place. All the begging and pleading and the tears aren't going to help. She must want this for herself. I am not a fan of "rock bottom" but if it's the only way for you to take care of you then it really is the only way. You have to take care of you!

I know that she will say that I'm trying to manipulate her by refusing to give her the same support that I did before she went into recovery. I hear what you're all saying. I'm not comfortable giving her money straight out either. I could specifically allocate money as it is needed. It is truly breaking my heart that she is presenting me as the enemy here. Even though everytime she's needed anything I've been there. This boy that she says she loves "more than anything in the world" is one who sat on a couch and refused to come out and help when Hanna's 65 year old grandfather (my dad) was trying to get her car up on a flatbed truck so that he could take it and get it fixed. He's the one who taught her how to shoot poison into her veins. The counselors from the "rehab center" are actually having family counseling sessions over the phone with him instead of me. How do I stop feeling so betrayed? This is all I think about. I teach school and I'm barely there everyday. I started attending Naranon last week and it helped, I'm definitely going back Tuesday night. I"m just so amazed that the rehab center she is in is allowing her to leave and return right to what she left. She will be essentially homeless.

This is that fine line between parenting and support, and enabling an addict. If she falls she will have to do so on her own. You can not control her choices. Living with the addicted boyfriend, having no active plan for employment or supporting herself other than hoping mom will pay for everything is just not a constructive recovery. The only one that is manipulating the situation is her. Hoping to tug on those heart strings to gain your sympathy, money, and whatever she can. This is the defining choice in your daughters recovery. You may have to let her fall. Easy? Absolutely not. But necessary. Good luck to you.

"you are amazed the Rehab center is allowing her to return to what she left." ... They have no more control than you do. And remember, first and foremost they are there to make money. I'm not saying they aren't providing good care and guidance but your daughter is an adult and she is actually directing the show. They are simply doing what she asks. I am so sorry for you. Perhaps, just perhaps -- Let go and Let God is the right choice here.
God Bless.

Hi Hannah
You can still help your daughter but make sure when you pay for something you pay it directly. I have had this problem with my son and the money goes on drugs. It is very difficult to refuse to help your own children and I cant say "no". I know people will call me an enabler but it is very hard to stop being the one who protects and loves and supports.
Best of luck
Deb

Oh, debracc. It's not protecting. It's delaying the inevitable. Why does not helping the addict leave us with such a guilt trip? Or is it that were more afraid of being labeled "bad mothers, sisters, wives, husbands," because we don't help their addiction? I'll play the role of bad wife over martyred wife any day. It isn't helping them to enable them and it is only making our lives more difficult, complicated, and heart wrenching. And their lives more out of their control.

Hi autumn
Yes the guilt is a terrible thing. As a mother if you dont help you feel guilty and if you do help you feel guilty because people say you enable them. Its like being in a no win situation. I hate it. I should be used to it as my son has been an addict for so long but it just seems to get harder. Maybe I am finding it harder now as my Mum and Dad have died and I feel alone with the problem. Not that I shared very much with them as I didnt want them to worry all the time but they were there and now they have gone.
regards
deb

I can tell you that I have spoken to a man in recovery who told me that he wished his parents had not helped him as much as they had, because he felt like he would have gotten better faster if they hadn't helped him so much. He didn't give specifics.

I think once you have been through it over and over, you won't feel any guilt. I don't. Sometimes I feel bad, but when I think about everything that has happened over the last 2 years, and everything I have tried, I don't feel guilty.

Everytime I start to feel guilty I think of all the crap the kid put me thru.
My guilt fades.

Everytime I start to feel guilty I think of all the crap the kid put me thru.
My guilt fades.