I thought I could be strong, but am hanging on by a thread. He called and told his dad this morning that something awful happened last night. He was crying. I want to save him. So I did nothing. I don't know what to do for him, myself, my husband, his siblings.

You have to let him go through it. He'll kill himself faster using the drug than he will without it and right now he's without it thank God.

Cab, I get your fear, but remember too that our addicts can be SO manipulative. Remember one thing, HE made his decisions, HE is an adult with an addiction, he will do anything, say anything, go to EXTREME points to get his way to get back to that drug. Do NOT fall for it! HE has to work this out himself. The SOONER he knows he can not manipulate you or your family, the sooner you will get some sort of peace.

There is NOTHING you can do to make him 'better'. Only HE can do that.

BE STRONG! You have to stop enabling him. No matter WHAT he says, do NOT listen.

It's almost like being at battle with the Devil himself. The devil will disguise himself as something beautiful, tell you lies, manipulate, make you cry, tell you the saddest most horrifying stories until he gets what he wants. The Devil is the drug, the cravings they leave behind....and you can only start saying NO! Put that battle with the Devil in the hands of God and let go.

Hugs and prayers to you. You CAN do this.....

Still managing to hold on and be strong. Making a gratitude list every day; that helps. Grateful he is alive. Thank you all, your posts have been life-saving.

cab6, just HANG IN THERE, and HANG TOUGH. As a wise woman on here would say: Put on your big girl pants! ;) You CAN do this and you will continue to make those boundaries and not cross them and you will do something nice for you everyday and you will make it through this! No matter WHAT happens to him, you still love the person, but refuse to enable that addict trying to take him over! STAY STRONG! (I know it's hard, been there, it wasn't easy, but the more I said NO, the easier it got and the better I felt! I had my moments of Motherly weakness, but I pulled on my big girl pants and moved forward.) HUGS to you!

I know it's a difficult choice to make, but your son is an adult. It will NOT help him in anyway for you to bail him out of jail - again. You have done everything possible in the past. Bailing him out of jail tells him that you will always be there to fix his mistakes. It's time for him to stand on his own two legs and take responsibility for his actions.

His best chance of recovery is remaining in jail. Our addict-son went to jail last summer and it was the wake-up call he needed to get clean.

Get in touch with the prison chaplain and ask him to make contact with your son. Prison Ministries are very active and effective. Tell your son about Teen Challenge {http://teenchallengeusa.com/} and ask him to consider entering upon his release from jail. Teen Challenge is a residential, long-term rehab for men & women of all ages. It has the highest rate of success than any other program in the world and is very affordable.

I know from personal experience that the toughest thing we as parents must do is COMPLETELY turn our prodigal child/children over to God's care...this means letting go of them, refusing to "help" {enable} them financially, legally, etc., and allowing God to work in their lives in His own way and in His own time. As long as you are there to bail your son out of trouble, you are interfering with God's ultimate plan and preventing your son from a personal encounter with Him. We made the mistake of "helping" our son for over 10 years. Only when we stopped enabling him by coming to his rescue was God able to rescue him for the long term.

I pray that you will have strength & resolve to do what is essential. It will hurt - worse than any pain you could ever feel - but the result could be a clean child, free of addictions, and a life restored. PLEASE gather around yourselves those closest to you who will pray for and with you, support you, and encourage you. Press into God's Word for direction.

Remember the story of the Prodigal Son? The father did NOT go after his son and bail him out of trouble. He allowed his son to come to the end of himself so that he would be broken enough to know how much he needed his father...and his Heavenly Father. The Prodigal's father waited for the son to admit his problems, realize how badly he'd wrecked his life, repent, and return to right-living. This is a prime example we must follow. If the Prodigal's father had gone after his son and "helped" him along, how many times would he have to repeat that "help"? No...he fully recognized that the only way his son had a chance of complete repentance, the only chance he had of turning his life around, was to allow God full control, NO MATTER WHAT.

I know this is the hardest thing for a Mom to face. Entrust your son to God's capable care. Focus on you & your husband. Be kind to yourselves. It's okay to grieve, just remain strong and don't give in.

*prayers & hugs*

Momofastranger: Amen....your answer to cab6 is even reaching me. ...... As long as you are there to bail your son out of trouble, you are interfering with God's ultimate plan and preventing your son from a personal encounter with Him. .................... is really thought provoking.

He's still in jail & I talked to him this morning. He says that he did this on purpose, to be caught. It was a bad connection but he said he only asked for a couple of hundred dollars. This rings true with what the arresting officer said. Now son is basically asking for help with a lawyer. He's hoping for drug court or at best sentence to some time in jail drug rehab program. Without legal help he could get 3+ years in state penitentiary. I'm praying and trying to know what to do.

you are doing everything right now. you are praying for him and listening to him. That means the world.

cab...the statement that he did this on purpose...would give me the strength....to stay strong.

Up until you said he said that...I was thinking...I woulda caved already...I woulda posted bail to save his job. Or to get him out of that hell hole.

But the fact he said he did it on PURPOSE? Would help me to be stronger and then when he called me again...I would ask him why he didn't think about a lawyer before he did this on purpose? They offer public lawyers for free to him...he will not go un represented...so do not spend your money to do that either.

Oh God Bless you and your strength..I wouldn't have made it this far. But hearing on purpose...really is unfair of what I would think he was doing to ME because he did this on purpose.

Hi Cab6,
If he is asking you to pay for a lawyer, putting myself in your shoes, I would not help him with that either. I know that you are concerned about his job, but HE should've been concerned to begin with. It is hard for us to cut the 'mommy strings' but he has to know the consequences to his actions, he is certainly old enough for that. I would let him figure this out on his own. I KNOW how hard this is to watch your child spiral downward, but you HAVE to know HE did this, not you!

I wish you much strength and hugs and prayers to you! STAY STRONG!

I was the worst enabler of them all. I've spent so much money on my 23 year old daughter's emergencies - needing a place to stay, food, clothes, etc. I was always there to bail her out. Even when I knew she was a heroin addict I always believed her stories of woe. She could be so convincing that she was no longer using. It took me counseling and self help books to finally get me going in the right direction. It was and still is hard especially because I was blaming myself for her drug problems. The enabling has to stop. Robbing a bank is going way too far. He needs to learn a lesson. You have to stop throwing your money to the wind. I know because I have major financial problems now. It is so very difficult to do but it must be done. My heart goes out to you. I wish you the very best.

Be tough, be strong! He will get assigned a public defender. It's their job to represent their clients.
You have to think of yourself. It's ok! I started taking extra work to make extra money to help my son. I finally said enough is enough! And although it was tough and it hurt deeply to tell him NO - it was the best thing for him. And for me!
Its so very hard I know!

Big hugs