So, here I am AGAIN! Yup, it's been a while, but our 23 year old seemed to be doing fine....it's been a long summer, he went 'back to school' AGAIN, for HVAC and Electrical to finish off what he got in the Navy.....he held a job, here and there, not much, not paying rent, his room became unruly again, the signs started. We went away, hubby and myself, for a weeks vaca with the family and put our new boat in the water up north for the week, it was hard to relax, we didn't tell him we where going, we just up and left lol....but the house was in tact when we got back....then I noticed the drinking....and for two weeks straight, he was drinking....okay, so our birthdays came and went, without alot of 'acknowledment' from the kid....hmmm.....last week, on a Sunday, it was a great day, hubby and I working on cleaning up the new boat, it was just a great day, I sat at the computer to relax for a bit, kid comes up 'I can't feel my leg, I have shortness of breath, Ma, I gotta get to the hospital...." OKAY, so I grab my keys and off we went. Turns out some info came about, he had been drinking and shooting coke....REALLY? He tells me this in a full ER waiting room. I kept my cool, verified the info from his hospital sheets, they gave him some anti biotics and something else, don't know what, he is an adult, so they tell me nothing.....we get in the car and HE KNOWS whats coming. I told him to pack his stuff and GET OUT! He said, okay in a couple weeks...couple weeks NOTHING...NOW...I gave him the night, in the morning, he got ready for school packed his stuff and he TRIED to argue the point, and when the voice started raising the hubby came in, he lowered his voice and out he went, he called every day for the first 4 days, everythings good, he's staying with a friend and he got a job part time....it's all good mom.....haven't heard a word in two days....

Now I KNOW I did the right thing....it's time, I'm cooked, done, stick a fork in me and I've resolved this will go one of two ways: He will either get his life together, or I will get that phone call. BUT I can tell you this, I refuse to feel guilty or sorry for him. He had EVERY chance under the sun to get help. I offered AGAIN to get him to a rehab, nope....okay then....there is the door, leave me the key and it's not a place to do your laundry etc....get a place to live and get your other stuff later.

And to boot his stupid butt birth father posts on FB "live closer to us'...REALLY? no child support the whole life of this kid, you use his ssn for your OWN dealings and you can't even pitch in?

On the flip side of things, we might be moving for work to another state. And there is NO WAY that kid is welcome to come with us!

I think the worst feeling we can have is that moment when you ask yourself: So THIS is what I worked my tail off all those years, buying used clothing for myself, skipping meals so HE can eat, sleepless nights wondering if I can pay all the bills on time......THIS is what he got out of all my teachings? And I KNOW it isn't me....it is HIS choice.

Drugs suck.....and our GOV doesn't acknowledge that this is now in epidemic proportions! The stories I've heard over the past few months of HOW MANY PEOPLE I KNOW are dealing with drug addicted adults or kids is staggering! It makes me sick to my stomach....

But I'm back in the throws of the feelings I KNOW I have to deal with and manage....

It's the 3rd time now and as he was leaving I told him this: This revolving door is now closed. I warned you over and over again. I tried to help you, WE tried to help you. And you've given your final answer. We love you, we wish you the best and we hope that you get your life together, but we will NO LONGER enable this behavior in our own home. " I kissed him on the cheek and took his key and closed the door.

God love my hubby, that afternoon, he did some errands, came back with two lobster rolls for me.....I hadn't cried, I was fine. But he was so afraid that I was falling apart. I'm not. I'm mad, I'm sad but I REFUSE to let him take us down with him. EVERYONE has a choice in this world of how they live their life. If that is HIS choice, so be it, but it will NOT be under our roof, on OUR dime. We work long hard days and never skip a beat. Don't know WHERE he got the lesson that he can sit on his ass and do nothing but reap the benefits.

So, now to get my rollercoaster of emotions in check, it takes some work to shut off the voices in my head, but I will not shut off the ones from my mom or my dad saying 'KUDOS kiddo, it ain't easy, but stick to your guns on this one!"....

K