Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So it's been a month now since the son 'lost his job' yet again. With a brand new car & insurance to pay for, he has signed up for school, but that is 7am-1pm, he needs a freaking part time job....he says he's been looking, but I don't see anything happening....yeah he's got unemployment, big 86.00 a week....not gonna pay his bills....
And as a mother, you know the 'pull', 'oh, I don't want him to lose....'blah blah, blah.....so I'm at that 'tough love' again, not paying for anything, too bad so sad....you should've put your HEART AND SOUL into that job.....instead of running after the GF all the time and making HER your priority. And where is SHE now? They broke up! He was broken at 1st, cried alot, but he is back to himself again. Not sure WHY they broke up but I'm sure she had a dang good reason why.
I don't see the signs of 'using' though, which is a good thing and I'm seeing more 'focus' than I ever have. His moods have been good, which I'm thankful for, but the whole work thing.....it comes down to this: RE-ENLIST back into the service. He was happy there! It was when he got OUT the problems really started. But the 'grass is greener' so he thought.
On the flip side, the hubby got a brand new truck (which he deserves, he works his BUTT off and his old one was just a heap)and he is sooo happy, and THAT puts me in a better position to not even have the question posed to us about helping him. Although he says 'i wasn't asking', you KNOW there is still that manipulative part of the kid that tries to do it without you know he is doing it....
And we've both told him that we have a plan in place for ourselves. That within the next year to two we are going to sell the house, we are going to downsize and we don't know if we are staying in this state or 'retiring' somewhere else and he needs to start thinking about his own future and where HE wants to be.
We've taken a play out of HIS playbook, planting the seed, then sowing it...and let's see what grows.....
It's just soooooo exhausting though, having to worry about him losing his car and he worked so hard to get it.....arg.....I know, I know (oops, just got the kick in the can from Cardinal! Thank YOU! LOL)
On the happy note side of things, he is understanding himself better, he KNOWS he has the biggest tendency to be on the 'lazy' side and not put his all into anything. But at least he has taken the 1st step into admitting it....
on the OLD GF, the addict GF side, you know she got hired at my place of work, I had a melt down yada yada....WELL, let the true colors fly.....she has been a no show for 4 shifts in a row....bye bye....when they pull that, they are automatically 'dismissed' and can NOT collect unemployment as it is a 'self termination'......I DID try to give her the benefit of the doubt. And yet she just showed what a manipulative, little dirt digging wench she REALLY is.....but at least I handled it with grace, well AFTER I had my massive meltdown lol....
Work is busy, I'm busy, we're busy with our friends, boats going in the water etc....so please say a prayer that this kid finds work, keeps the car he worked so hard to get and was soooo proud to have.....and that he keeps on this clean path even when I know he's fighting those damn demons.....
Prayers to you all out there.....hoping that one day drugs will find their own death and get out of our society...and our families.
And as a mother, you know the 'pull', 'oh, I don't want him to lose....'blah blah, blah.....so I'm at that 'tough love' again, not paying for anything, too bad so sad....you should've put your HEART AND SOUL into that job.....instead of running after the GF all the time and making HER your priority. And where is SHE now? They broke up! He was broken at 1st, cried alot, but he is back to himself again. Not sure WHY they broke up but I'm sure she had a dang good reason why.
I don't see the signs of 'using' though, which is a good thing and I'm seeing more 'focus' than I ever have. His moods have been good, which I'm thankful for, but the whole work thing.....it comes down to this: RE-ENLIST back into the service. He was happy there! It was when he got OUT the problems really started. But the 'grass is greener' so he thought.
On the flip side, the hubby got a brand new truck (which he deserves, he works his BUTT off and his old one was just a heap)and he is sooo happy, and THAT puts me in a better position to not even have the question posed to us about helping him. Although he says 'i wasn't asking', you KNOW there is still that manipulative part of the kid that tries to do it without you know he is doing it....
And we've both told him that we have a plan in place for ourselves. That within the next year to two we are going to sell the house, we are going to downsize and we don't know if we are staying in this state or 'retiring' somewhere else and he needs to start thinking about his own future and where HE wants to be.
We've taken a play out of HIS playbook, planting the seed, then sowing it...and let's see what grows.....
It's just soooooo exhausting though, having to worry about him losing his car and he worked so hard to get it.....arg.....I know, I know (oops, just got the kick in the can from Cardinal! Thank YOU! LOL)
On the happy note side of things, he is understanding himself better, he KNOWS he has the biggest tendency to be on the 'lazy' side and not put his all into anything. But at least he has taken the 1st step into admitting it....
on the OLD GF, the addict GF side, you know she got hired at my place of work, I had a melt down yada yada....WELL, let the true colors fly.....she has been a no show for 4 shifts in a row....bye bye....when they pull that, they are automatically 'dismissed' and can NOT collect unemployment as it is a 'self termination'......I DID try to give her the benefit of the doubt. And yet she just showed what a manipulative, little dirt digging wench she REALLY is.....but at least I handled it with grace, well AFTER I had my massive meltdown lol....
Work is busy, I'm busy, we're busy with our friends, boats going in the water etc....so please say a prayer that this kid finds work, keeps the car he worked so hard to get and was soooo proud to have.....and that he keeps on this clean path even when I know he's fighting those damn demons.....
Prayers to you all out there.....hoping that one day drugs will find their own death and get out of our society...and our families.
It's so hard to sit back and watch, but what can we do? I try to be positive. I'm encouraging my son to do volunteer work to keep busy, meet new people and at least get some new experiences, and it always looks good on a resume.
That's good news that your son is going to school too. How old is he? It doesn't appear that they're even thinking about the future when they're using, so that's a good sign that he has some future goals and is working towards them. I know what you mean about the worrying, though. When does that end? Is there any time you can relax and never have to worry again?