I dont even know what the hell is going on anymore. My bf has been fine for a few weeks., He's been feeling good, going to work and just been being great all around. Friday night was nice, we went to the mall then jusst came home and hung out together. Then Saturday we were supposed to go up the avenue to get a few things then food shopping. He says lets stop in the bar to say hi to his sister even though i dont want to. He has 2 beers and 2 shots and i think here we go already. I can already see how the night is going to turn out. We go to lunch and he gets 2 more beers. We go home and he goes to get a six pack. I go food shopping. Hes not allowed in key food b/c he got caught shoplifting in there a few years ago. He says he will have the house clean by the time i get back. I come back and lo and behold hes not there. Hes in the bar. I go to get him. He comes home and tells me hes not going back. Then says be right back babe im going to get cigarettes. Doesnt come back for a few hours. I go get him again and he comes home. Then he goes back out again. By now I really dont even care.

He comes in around 11:30 or midnite with a black bag full of stuff. He had broken into a car with his "friends". Mind you he spent 36hrs in central booking back in Dec for the very same thing. He is disgustingly and embarassingly drunk falling all over the place. Im not sure if he did any coke nor do i even care. In a way i think he did b/c he has been in bed ever since this night but in a way i think he didnt b/c for some odd reason if he does coke it like straightens out the drunkness. He makes a huge mess going on an eating rampage, he ate just about everything in site including a pound and a half of sour cream. Then he wants to have sex to which i say no. He finally passes out around 3 am.

So he didnt go to work sunday night like he was supposed to, he didnt go to work last night. His mom usually watches the baby while I work but she said he had to watch her this morning since he hadnt worked. I get up this morning and he doesnt wanna watch her. That makes me feel like absolute shit. he doesnt wanna even get up and watch his own daughter now he just will lay there the next few days and feel sorry for himself. Im so so tired. I dont even feel the same love for him anymore. I dont want any of it, I just want to be left the hell alone. I feel like i am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.