Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My sister has been clean for awhile. She went to federal prison, rehab, an outpatient program and finally parole for a year. She attended NA and meetings with her AADAC worker. She even held a job for a short while!
There are a couple things that have been bothering me now and I don't know what to do about it all.
First off, her boyfriend is also a recovering addict of the same drug. He works on the rigs as of recentley. The first few paychecks they caught up on his bills (they both live in my mothers basement) and payed my mum a bit.
Last week she asked to borrow $20 for smokes. Now, I don't agree with smoking and generally I would of said no....but it is the lesser of the evils so I agreed. I had to go to a bank machine and it was 11pm at night so they picked me up and took me there. The ATM was at a convenience store that sells smokes, but they wanted to go elsewhere that was cheaper. Fine. But they insisted they drop me off after I gave them the money because they were going somewhere else after. To his parents house. Fine. I didn't think anything of it at that moment.
But after they dropped me off my brain started reeling. I have been hearing ALOT of rumors that they are both using again. Lots. Some from sources I wouldn't think twice about, some from sources I don't completley trust but it may be true. None from people I can 100% trust. And I'm stressed out that I just gave them money for drugs.
When the day to pay me back came due they never got ahold of me. So I text her th next day and she said that his account had been frozen by the government due to something that happened years ago and they just caught him. My mother says they were gone the whole day and night he got paid.
They could of stayed with a friend....or a 'friend'.
She stressed that she really wanted to pay me back and was trying to figure out a way.
Another thing. My sister has a stealing problem. I'm pretty sure she's a kleptomaniac but she has never been diagnosed as she refuses to admit it to anyone who could help. She steals EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. She will steal mens underwear, canned beans (she HATES them and will not eat them), clothes, makeup, food, money, knick knacks, photos, cat food (she doesnt have a cat). Pretty much anything.
She is currently up on three or four theft charges. That has not stopped her at all. She had court yesterday and she phones our other sister and asks if she can claim she watches her son, as it will maybe keep her out of jail. Our other sister says no and our older sister gets mad. She shouts she's going to anyways.
Now, I watch our younger sisters kid. And the government pays me for it. If our older sister claims she does in court and gets caught (hopefully she does) is that going to cause a shit storm for me? Obviously I'll come out of it fine as I haven't lied about anything. But I run my own bussiness, and I have no idea if this could end in an audit. And lets just say I bust my ass but Im not a very good record keeper......I know, that's bad, but I'm getting better.
So after she shouted she would anyways our younger sister said that may screw me. And our older sister said 'I don't care, I'm not going back to jail'.
That hurt. She would attempt to sacrafice me to not have to pay for her law breaking?
I want to confront her about all of it. But I know EXACTLY what is going to happen. Deny. Deny. Deny.
I'm hurt, I'm upset and most of all Im so flipping angry!
There are a couple things that have been bothering me now and I don't know what to do about it all.
First off, her boyfriend is also a recovering addict of the same drug. He works on the rigs as of recentley. The first few paychecks they caught up on his bills (they both live in my mothers basement) and payed my mum a bit.
Last week she asked to borrow $20 for smokes. Now, I don't agree with smoking and generally I would of said no....but it is the lesser of the evils so I agreed. I had to go to a bank machine and it was 11pm at night so they picked me up and took me there. The ATM was at a convenience store that sells smokes, but they wanted to go elsewhere that was cheaper. Fine. But they insisted they drop me off after I gave them the money because they were going somewhere else after. To his parents house. Fine. I didn't think anything of it at that moment.
But after they dropped me off my brain started reeling. I have been hearing ALOT of rumors that they are both using again. Lots. Some from sources I wouldn't think twice about, some from sources I don't completley trust but it may be true. None from people I can 100% trust. And I'm stressed out that I just gave them money for drugs.
When the day to pay me back came due they never got ahold of me. So I text her th next day and she said that his account had been frozen by the government due to something that happened years ago and they just caught him. My mother says they were gone the whole day and night he got paid.
They could of stayed with a friend....or a 'friend'.
She stressed that she really wanted to pay me back and was trying to figure out a way.
Another thing. My sister has a stealing problem. I'm pretty sure she's a kleptomaniac but she has never been diagnosed as she refuses to admit it to anyone who could help. She steals EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. She will steal mens underwear, canned beans (she HATES them and will not eat them), clothes, makeup, food, money, knick knacks, photos, cat food (she doesnt have a cat). Pretty much anything.
She is currently up on three or four theft charges. That has not stopped her at all. She had court yesterday and she phones our other sister and asks if she can claim she watches her son, as it will maybe keep her out of jail. Our other sister says no and our older sister gets mad. She shouts she's going to anyways.
Now, I watch our younger sisters kid. And the government pays me for it. If our older sister claims she does in court and gets caught (hopefully she does) is that going to cause a shit storm for me? Obviously I'll come out of it fine as I haven't lied about anything. But I run my own bussiness, and I have no idea if this could end in an audit. And lets just say I bust my ass but Im not a very good record keeper......I know, that's bad, but I'm getting better.
So after she shouted she would anyways our younger sister said that may screw me. And our older sister said 'I don't care, I'm not going back to jail'.
That hurt. She would attempt to sacrafice me to not have to pay for her law breaking?
I want to confront her about all of it. But I know EXACTLY what is going to happen. Deny. Deny. Deny.
I'm hurt, I'm upset and most of all Im so flipping angry!
I am so sorry she thinks so selfishly of herself that her "saving" herself from jail would hurt you. It probably won't tho. They would ask her for proof, and she won't have any...like wouldn't she get paid for it? or know all about the kid? (age, doctor, etc). the judges and lawyers are pretty savvy with this stuff. I don't think anything will happen to you, but you are right, you should do a good job on your paperwork.
She has a multitude of problems. If she is still not using, and her behavior is crazy...you are right to be alarmed. she has a history.
you stay calm. whatever happens, you can handle it, because you did nothing wrong. And you and your healthy sister need to comfort each other and not get tangled up in her journey.
someone facing jail, when they don't feel accountable in life, is like a drowning person. If you swim out to save them, they may actually drown you, because they try to climb on top of you to save themselves....they can't help it, it is panic. So in lifesaving, they teach you to spin them around and grab them from behind--- to get a grab on them. so? you must get a grasp of how sick she is, and not lose control of the situation. Feel the feelings, and let them go.
If you suspect she's using and find it to be true you may want to consider putting a plan in place to remove all this chaos from your life. Remember, this is her journey, these are her choices and if she's not listening there's absolutely nothing you can do to change her.
If she gets caught again then it's a bed she made for herself and frankly being locked up might be a good safe place for her - it will probably do you a world of good as well.
Hang in there!!!
I honestly WANT her in jail. She's not going to change, I'm exhausted after spending fifteen minutes with her! I'll never forget the fight when she asked to move in with me when she was on parole and I said no way no how and shit hit the fan. That happens everytime I say no to her, and I say no ALOT.
I guess I just have to take a step back to make myself even farther away. But my daughter, despite all my sisters faults, loves her aunt to bits. And its going to be hard on her. She's three, she won't understand why suddenly Auntie is gone again and why suddenly she's not allowed to see her.
There are cycles in addiction, however chaotic. If she's indeed going downhill, you know there's little you can do. I suppose she knows she's thought of and that people care about her. [I wish that alone would help, but it takes much more than that]