Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
When the pain of staying in a relationship becomes greater than the pain of leaving a relationship, it's time to get the hell out of that relationship.
Right now, for me it's about 50/50. An even split. I really don't know what to do. He's been out of rehab for 2 weeks. And I have seen definite improvement. Including him staying clean and wanting to stay clean. But at the same time it seems like nothing much has changed. I do more parenting of him than a spouse should do. I'm tired all the time. I'm stressed all the time. He still does not seem to see the financial burden. He says he knows that we are financially screwed right now, but other than that, it doesn't bother him. He just keeps floating through life. Not a care in the world. Although I have seen improvement he is still incredibly selfish and self-centered. And has a lack of regard for the rules (he was smoking in my car less than 5 minutes after we had the discussion about smoking in my car). He's a fucking child! And everytime I try talking to him he pulls the whole pity party thing.
Yes, the man is a child.
I really don't know how this is going to end for us. I'm tired.
Right now, for me it's about 50/50. An even split. I really don't know what to do. He's been out of rehab for 2 weeks. And I have seen definite improvement. Including him staying clean and wanting to stay clean. But at the same time it seems like nothing much has changed. I do more parenting of him than a spouse should do. I'm tired all the time. I'm stressed all the time. He still does not seem to see the financial burden. He says he knows that we are financially screwed right now, but other than that, it doesn't bother him. He just keeps floating through life. Not a care in the world. Although I have seen improvement he is still incredibly selfish and self-centered. And has a lack of regard for the rules (he was smoking in my car less than 5 minutes after we had the discussion about smoking in my car). He's a fucking child! And everytime I try talking to him he pulls the whole pity party thing.
Yes, the man is a child.
I really don't know how this is going to end for us. I'm tired.
Cardinal is right. She told me all the same things and again, it wasn't easy for me. I wanted change now. Well it's a gradual process and it doesn't happen overnight. My husband almost had to find himself again and I was so focused on him, I never stopped to take a look at myself. It was hard to stop being the wife that checks his phone all the time. The wife that wants to know where he is and what he's doing. Where his money was going. I had to make changes to that obviously I wasn't ready to make. Sure, it takes time to build trust again, lots of time, but overall, I felt like there were no changes at all because I felt the same old same old except he was sober.
And the last line cardinal says is dead on. "I can't seem to make her happy not using, so I might as well effin use". Dead on!
Let Mack change him. You try to work on you. For me, I went on this site, I went to a therapist 3 times, I read self-help books. It's all I could do. It helped, but the real thing that needed fixing was deep inside me. It takes time. He's 4 months clean from pills and I still struggle. I just got yelled at for checking his phone tonight. I'm not there yet.
As far as knowing if this is something you can handle, only you know that answer. You'll know when enough is enough. You'll hear it loud and clear.
Thinking of you! WIshing you strength!
'
Its only been a few weeks, the pink cloud has wore off and it is normal for issues that were there before will still be there. Yes he acts like a child, but I bet that fun side is what attracted you to him.
I agree let him know no smoking in your car or he can't use it. That is a matter of respect for you, nothing stinks more then cigarette smoke when you don't smoke.
Hope it gets better.