Well he's still gone and I still sit in this suite grieving him, not accomplishing nothing. Hating everyday, starting to hate him even though I miss him like crazy. We still talk but I don't know if thats good or bad? My heart and soul are lost and I feel he made me as sick as him if not sicker and then when told to go can easily just walk away and leave me to try and fix my mess. My emotions are a rollercoaster and when I try to reach out to him he's distant. He acts like Im the one who as the emotional problems and I drag him down into his, which is not good for either of us. To some extent this is probably true? i just want to stert climbing out of my deep dark hole he has left me in and after 3 weeks I would have expected me to be alot farther, but no still in my emotional no motivation rut I was in then. Every day I waste sitting around moapping and almost I guess feeling sorry for myself. I have been aff work and I know that probably plays apart of my ups and down, but have been told that I could possibly be back to work for saturday? Don't know if this is good or bad cause in all this time off I haven't even set up life in my suite. Living out of boxes, well not even living just getting bye. When and how do I get off this ride and find a new one? I know as much as I want him here it doesn't help either, I tried cause with him its another ride all together, fear and worry constantly. Alone its sadness and lack of motivation to eat or even take care of myself? Scared, lost, alone, sick from no food, tired from rough sleeps? I know people say it takes time but I'm still hurting so much and just want it to stop!!!
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