Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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thanks for the light amongst the lies

openfacedsandwich
openfacedsandwich
Hi again -- I'm feeling strengthened by the posts here, by the courage and the sense of community. Thanks for the examples of maintaining truth in the midst of campaigns to confuse and manipulate. You're helping me to be ready to respond "I simply can't believe you" when and if there's a next crazy-making episode from one or both of the siblings.
Meanwhile so much is clicking together -- seems more and more obvious that several addictions have played a part in this whole thing.
And if because of projected rage they keep their distance from me, even though they have called it punitive -- well, it's really a blessing.
deehigs
deehigs
I'm glad you're gaining strength to stand up for yourself and not get sucked into the vortex that addiction creates. It's so counter-intuitive to what we think should be the way to help those we care about. Normally when those we love have a problem we try to do anything we can to help lighten the load on the person but as crazy as it sounds the more we go against the " norm" in regards to addiction the better it seems for the addict and ourselves. It took me awhile to really understand that because as a mom that would do anything in my power to help any of my kids I had to step aside to let my son feel the repercussions of his bad choices. A good friend of mine on here calls it failing forward and it really is true that through their failures they learn and move forward sadly not always but hopefully that is the goal. Keep hanging in there ! Dee
openfacedsandwich
openfacedsandwich
Dee -- thank you especially for the words vortex, counterintuitive and falling forward.
A different dynamic certainly with a parent than dealing with adult siblings -- but what's crucial in that is for me to remember their independent choices being made. I can't be my Brother's Keeper in the midst of lies and projection and resentment -- I sort of hope he bottoms out so he might ask for my help.
The boundaries I can keep too, one of which is ramping down the remaining visceral sense of a vortex.