And....thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who reached out to me. Your words of kindness and encouragement were not just needed they were also greatly appreciated.

I'm glad that the therapist was able to help you shine some light on this. Are you going to wait?? The weekend is the prime 'trouble' time I found with my sister. She got high and dealt during the week, but the weekend was the busiest, and the easiest to sell and smoke.

Remeber when you confront him that it may be healthy to show him your emotions, but don't let him see you scared. He will take that as a crack in your armour.

I had a pow wow with my neice, who was starting to get into drugs, and I went online and printed off tons of reports on what the drug(I was lucky to know what drug she was dabbling in) did to your body. I made her read them all, and write me a report! She was only 13, and there was still some of the little kid in her, so it may of been easier then it would be to do with your son. But all her privileges were revoked until I had that report in my hands. She's almost 15, and from my knowledge she hasn't touched that particular drug since, though I know she is playing with others.

I wish you lots of luck! And hopefully the smart part of his brain fights past the hormonal, irrational, teenage angst part of his brain to latch onto the life line your tossing him.

My therapist used these word on me...
"On your part, this will be short term pain for long term gain"
on his part, it will be Short Term pleasure for long term pain."
He must stop using. The worst mistake we make as parents (and enablers even if we don't want to admit it) is walking on eggshells around them. Trying to say the wrong thing, thinking if we make them angry they will leave or relapse or go on a binge. But, we must have the courage to confront. Good Luck. Hugs!!

Sounds like a good plan, your being tough letting him know you will not except this kind of behavior and if he cannot do right then rehab. I agree if he leaves rehab then he can't come home. But I also see by your being tough now it is showing him you mean business so if it comes to rehab he may think twice about leaving a place where its warm and food to eat.
For me I would do it now but you may feel better waiting until after the therapy appointment. But I am the type no need putting off what needs to be done, best to show I mean business ASAP.
Goodluck.

Good luck to you and your son. You are in my thoughts. Maybe if I would have been tough right from the beginning my son might not still be using at age 30.

Thanks. Still trying to decide when to confront him. It's either going to be tomorrow or Monday. And it need to be done when he's straight, we all (therapist, me, my husband) agreed on that one. This will be harder than childbirth in many respects.

You are doing the right thing. And I applaud you for moving on things so quickly. After having gone through this with my sister, I wish we had known sooner what was happening. Best wishes.

Confronting my children was the easist thing I ever did. After living with two addicts, I was ready if my kids messed up. When I realized my daughter was drinking and using at 17, she was immediately taken to rehab. My son who is 22 seems to have started developing some addiction problems along with gambling. It was NOT hard to confront him. He stole some jewelry from my mom last week (while I was in the hospital). I told her have his butt arrested!!! I don't play!!! I see too clearly what happened with the two men in my life who were "enabled" for years. When I got out of the hospital, I realized my son had stolen some pills of mine. I now have them in a lockbox, his key has been taken back and I flat out told him that what he did was STEALING!!! I will NOT allow this to continue to destroy my life. And we as parents, need to realize that yes, we might have made some mistakes along the way, but we are not responsible for the bad choices our children make once they are almost adults and as adults. At some point, we as people, need to realize we did the best we could and now we need to take our lives back. My kids are 22 and 27 and I have backed out of their lives. It's about ME now!! Might sound harsh, but you need to confront your son and make clear your boundaries. My therapist told me yesterday to let go of my son (who is living with my mom) and let them lie and steal and do whatever to each other....and to back off. Of course with your son only being 17, you still have some say.

You are doing the right thing. You are also so clever. It never occurred to me to forward my son's text messages to myself!

There are a couple of things you'll need to do to prepare yourself for this confrontation.

First, you should not be alone in the house with him. My son never showed any sign of violence before our confrontation. The day that I finally made him take a drug test he got so angry that he picked up a scissors and put a hole in the wall. On the day that I told him he had to go to rehab or leave the house he got so angry that he threw my I-phone on the floor and smashed it. He has shown a violent temper other times when I was standing between him and drugs. Be prepared. I never would have expected this from him. He was always sweet and even-tempered.

Second, you have the legal issues related to him being 17. Do not assume that you can force him to go to rehab. I found out that I could not. The laws are different in every state. Also, our insurance company would not send him to inpatient unless he got an assessment and referral from their AODA counselor. That counselor made him go to outpatient therapy first. Then, when that didn't work, she wouldn't sign the referral to in patient until he signed a consent form. Do your homework on your insurance and
what it takes to get someone in to treatment with or without your consent. It does no good to tell him you'll force him into treatment when you can't do it, and it does no good to convince him to go if you have to go through major hurdles first before he can go.

Third, do not assume that you can legally kick him out of the house. I did use this threat and eventually it was what got him into rehab. But, when he got out and relapsed, he figured out that I legally could not kick him out. Oddly enough, this happened because one night I refused to give him a ride home from his dealer's house after the dealer's mother kicked him out at 3:00 in the morning. She lives a couple of blocks away from a police station, so he went and asked them if he could stay there. The police gave him a ride home and lectured me about legally having to let my son come in the house until he's 18! That took away all my leverage.

I'm not the only mother in this group that got caught in the kind of legal hell that happens when they are 17. They are old enough to make some of their own decisions and to have privacy laws protect them, but they are treated as adults in criminal cases and you, as a parent, are obligated to take care of them and liable for what they do.

Wow, the legal situation in some US states is so unhelpful! Parents dealing with minors who are addicts would be wise to include a lawyer in the group of professionals that they must work with. In Australia, a parent would be able to get a court order protecting themselves from a teenager who was at risk of violence or other crime against them. You wouldn't have to let them in the house.

A lawyer can also advise you on any rights his father might have in this situation.

What excellent advice about having someone else in the house, I hadn't thought of suggesting that to you. I had a friend in the house when I was worried about a family situation getting out of control one day a while back. Fortunately it wasn't needed in the end but it helped calm my nerves and was a good backstop.

Good luck, you and your family are in my prayers. Maxi