Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hi -- haven't posted in a while.
For a fast recap, Mom passed away early in 2014 and since then my brother and sister have essentially triangulated against me, shirking all responsibilities and projecting a boatload of blame.
Several years ago Brother suffered the death of his stepson to tainted heroin and a few months later, Brother's wife (stepson's mother) drank herself to death. Brother is involved now in another enabling situation with current girlfriend and her family.
Sister has a long history of drug abuse and is plainly a sociopath. She estranged herself from the family a few years before Mom's death and never showed up for Mom. But there with a smile when the estate lawyer called her.
Putting the puzzle together, it's likely there's been an ongoing drug connection between Brother, stepson's drug buddies and Sister.
Beyond that, I don't know what board to post on except for some familiar names of fellow posters here. The issues run deeper than addiction.
Where I'm at now is the estate is nearly resolved and the nasty, passive aggressive acting out continues, by Brother who appears to be Sister's puppet. He's conveniently taken on her anger and used that as a way to be ultimately lazy, just trying (unsuccessfully, via the estate lawyer) to poke holes in what I've been doing to get everything resolved after Mom's passing. His most recent attack is to demand an accounting of the estate proceeds -- uh, he'd be a whole lot more aware had he helped out with the house. He's questioning a year-old withdrawal from the estate account -- which was a disbursement delivered by the attorney, in equal thirds to us three siblings.
And berating me in general.
Really painful. Really petty. Really desperate and childish.
I have to set the boundary of no contact with the Siblings. No immediate family connection left at all (Dad died 10 years ago), so I'm slowly adjusting to that and appreciating a Family of Choice.
Anyone else in this group been thru something similar?
So hurt and angry, and feeling a big hole where my sense of family (of origin) used to be, at least with Brother.
For a fast recap, Mom passed away early in 2014 and since then my brother and sister have essentially triangulated against me, shirking all responsibilities and projecting a boatload of blame.
Several years ago Brother suffered the death of his stepson to tainted heroin and a few months later, Brother's wife (stepson's mother) drank herself to death. Brother is involved now in another enabling situation with current girlfriend and her family.
Sister has a long history of drug abuse and is plainly a sociopath. She estranged herself from the family a few years before Mom's death and never showed up for Mom. But there with a smile when the estate lawyer called her.
Putting the puzzle together, it's likely there's been an ongoing drug connection between Brother, stepson's drug buddies and Sister.
Beyond that, I don't know what board to post on except for some familiar names of fellow posters here. The issues run deeper than addiction.
Where I'm at now is the estate is nearly resolved and the nasty, passive aggressive acting out continues, by Brother who appears to be Sister's puppet. He's conveniently taken on her anger and used that as a way to be ultimately lazy, just trying (unsuccessfully, via the estate lawyer) to poke holes in what I've been doing to get everything resolved after Mom's passing. His most recent attack is to demand an accounting of the estate proceeds -- uh, he'd be a whole lot more aware had he helped out with the house. He's questioning a year-old withdrawal from the estate account -- which was a disbursement delivered by the attorney, in equal thirds to us three siblings.
And berating me in general.
Really painful. Really petty. Really desperate and childish.
I have to set the boundary of no contact with the Siblings. No immediate family connection left at all (Dad died 10 years ago), so I'm slowly adjusting to that and appreciating a Family of Choice.
Anyone else in this group been thru something similar?
So hurt and angry, and feeling a big hole where my sense of family (of origin) used to be, at least with Brother.
anyway, my mom tried to make them forgive and forget, but it is too late.
And to make it even more sick, they all are rich. but the parents were not. They buy their kids their first houses...yeah. I don't get it.
anyway, everyone we are close to is family of choice..even if they are related. We just love some more.
It seems very sad, but probably much healthier for you to not have all this negativity and nasty behavior to deal with.
It is what it is.
When my step father died, I expected exactly this kind of behavior, and we did not have it. But, I doubt any of his many children are in touch with the others very often.very sad. they have no one left alive except my mom, and they (or their spouses more often) call her once in a great while. I feel sorry for them for what they are missing.
I resolve to be different.
I think it's a good thing you set boundaries and distanced yourself especially if you know this can't be resolved. I say go on with your life and enjoy your Family of Choice.
If you find that you can't get over this I would try and find a good therapist who might be able to help you. Good luck
Hug's
Pat
BlueViolet, getting resentful because real estate values went up sounds exactly like how my siblings would react. And spot on about the double standard, no thought of making things fair had the real estate value gone down.
What is it that infects people so? Some long-standing issue of sibling rivalry and jealousy? Do they regress into a LORD OF THE FLIES states of mind once authority figures are gone?
Patnard, glad I've found a good therapist thru all this, she's helped a lot. You're right, the boundaries are essential and I'm concentrating on a family of choice