Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
It's raining, fittingly! I'm so done with it all! I'm waving the white flag! I surrender to the fact that I can't do this anymore, that I have done EVERYTHING but put him in shackles and drag his happy butt to a doctor to get himself checked out and figure out WHY he is the way he is!
I'm sick of the crocodile tears that he sheds to tug at my heart strings. He is manipulative, lies and just plain doesn't care. He thinks he is smarter than the average bear and that the world owes him something.
I am tired of the tension between him and my hubby. My hubby is the NICEST person in the world. He would give you the shirt off his back, but my son treats him like crap. He doesn't get WHY my hubby acts the way he does to him. Because he doesn't LISTEN, doesn't CARE and just is defiant towards him constantly, unless he needs something.
I am tired of being the 'rose between the thorns'.
So this is it. He has one month, 2 days to get a place to live, to figure it out, he has already blown two months doing NOTHING but stringing everyone along. He didn't pass his drivers test and relies on everyone else to get him places (I do NOT change my schedule for him at ALL. If I CAN do it, I will if it is job related). He can't be honest enough with himself or anyone else around him. He lives in a fantasy world.
He is Bi-Polar and he will NOT fix it. It is FRUSTRATING to know WHAT is the issue and that there IS a fix and he just refuses to try to help himself.
So with all that being said. I'm just done. Completely tapped out of emotions. I have NOTHING left.
I'm venting and I appreciate you all being there. But you can't help someone that doesn't want the help or thinks they don't need it.
I want him out of my house and out of my life until he finally gets the help he needs.
I am thankful that he hasn't stolen from us, that he hasn't been aggressive towards us. But I will NOT live like this anymore. I want my hubby and I to have the life we deserve. We are hard workers, we take care of what we have and to spend over 1500 to redo the downstairs and watch this kid just NOT taking care of anything now, it is just pissing me off. He KNOWS he's out of here June 24th and I can see the pattern, it keeps up, that date will MOVE UP! I'm at my ropes end. And by that I mean, he has played me, and here's a news flash 'MY GIVE A DAMNS BUSTED"!
Thanks for letting me get this out there.
I'm sick of the crocodile tears that he sheds to tug at my heart strings. He is manipulative, lies and just plain doesn't care. He thinks he is smarter than the average bear and that the world owes him something.
I am tired of the tension between him and my hubby. My hubby is the NICEST person in the world. He would give you the shirt off his back, but my son treats him like crap. He doesn't get WHY my hubby acts the way he does to him. Because he doesn't LISTEN, doesn't CARE and just is defiant towards him constantly, unless he needs something.
I am tired of being the 'rose between the thorns'.
So this is it. He has one month, 2 days to get a place to live, to figure it out, he has already blown two months doing NOTHING but stringing everyone along. He didn't pass his drivers test and relies on everyone else to get him places (I do NOT change my schedule for him at ALL. If I CAN do it, I will if it is job related). He can't be honest enough with himself or anyone else around him. He lives in a fantasy world.
He is Bi-Polar and he will NOT fix it. It is FRUSTRATING to know WHAT is the issue and that there IS a fix and he just refuses to try to help himself.
So with all that being said. I'm just done. Completely tapped out of emotions. I have NOTHING left.
I'm venting and I appreciate you all being there. But you can't help someone that doesn't want the help or thinks they don't need it.
I want him out of my house and out of my life until he finally gets the help he needs.
I am thankful that he hasn't stolen from us, that he hasn't been aggressive towards us. But I will NOT live like this anymore. I want my hubby and I to have the life we deserve. We are hard workers, we take care of what we have and to spend over 1500 to redo the downstairs and watch this kid just NOT taking care of anything now, it is just pissing me off. He KNOWS he's out of here June 24th and I can see the pattern, it keeps up, that date will MOVE UP! I'm at my ropes end. And by that I mean, he has played me, and here's a news flash 'MY GIVE A DAMNS BUSTED"!
Thanks for letting me get this out there.
As for driving him here and there I would tell him the cab service is over. Unless it is to go get his drivers license or something that is mandatory then he is on his own. Hope he didn't spend all the money he recently received.
Be prepared in one month two days because at this rate he will be pulling out all the stops not to leave. Didn't when he came to stay you told him he had to seek help and remain getting help? What changed let him know he needs to seek help now go on his meds for bipolar or he can leave now. During this time he was suppose to be working at his life and making positive changes. It seems he did nothing but give lip service and have a bed to sleep.
I would do some searching for a halfway house for him now so when 32 days come you have a back up plan.
Consistency is important.
I'm just so tired and I just want peace in my house again. It's a fine line, I'm afraid of being the 'catalyst' to him rebounding back to the hard crap, but not for nothing, he is an adult and needs to take responsibility for his life. You can lead the horse to water but.....
at 18 she gave him a key and told him it was to a room at a rooming house and threw him out.
today, he is still a jerk..but about 7 years ago starting working at a computer gaming company, so now he is a rich jerk.
Thanks all, he finally called yesterday from his gf's house and said he got a job at the golf club in the resturant, but made a comment he still has to 'retest' for the other job? REALLY? hmmm...whatever....but he starts there today....
He also is awaiting a check in the mail, that DID come yesterday but I'm hesitant on giving it to him as I KNOW he will blow through it like he always does and I want him to use it to GET A PLACE of his OWN......he had 1200 before and it is now gone....tired of him pissing through money and nothing to show for it.....so should I 'hold it' for now until I KNOW he found a place or give it to him and hope for the best?
Arg....
Sad when someone is young age 13 and obviously needed some mental help long before that age. But people fall through the cracks all the time. I still believe you are what your environment growing up is and what genetic's you are born with.
It comes down to the basics of life - food, medicine, roof over one's head, access to transport for necessities etc. Most addicts who are this deep in denial need to experience not having these things, before they can start turning things around.
I'm pleased you decided to resist providing an actual bed, (presumably after he wrecked the first one) but isn't it just infuriating to know he'll settle for sleeping in an easy chair every night instead. I wonder what he'd do if he returned to your home to find whatever belongings he still has, sitting outside, with the locks changed (or whatever is necessary to stop him getting in). There are members of this group who can share their stories like that.
It's hard work, really hard, to enforce boundaries, when they are vague like "you can live here for 3 months as long as you look for work and behave respectfully to us and our property". You're morally entitled to tighten your boundaries at any time, and then enforce them - it's just like parenting a little child, you gotta be consistent or they will find your weakness and use it against you.
I don't know much about your situation - mainly just from reading this thread today. But it's good to see you getting stronger in your resolve. It's going to be tough for however long he remains in your house, whether that is 2 more days or 32.
His environment was a VERY good one, hard working & loving parents, I was always home for him after school, in a fabulous suburban neighborhood, I guess I am taking offense to that and probably taking out of context, as my hubby and I are by no means into drugs, nor drinking so I guess I don't feel that 'our environment' had anything to do with all this, nor did he fall through the 'cracks' regarding mental issues, he wasn't showing any signs of problems until he was 15-16 and it appeared to be typical teenage issues, the mood issues started when he got OUT of the Navy years later. If I had known about the bi-polar in his father, which I didn't know about until two months PRIOR to my son getting out of the navy as I didn't speak to that side of the family all these years, if they had contacted me prior, I CERTAINLY would've taken him then. It's the fact that the birth father was NEVER in the picture nor was his family, nor did they bother to contact me after finding out at the age of 48, that the man was bi-polar...so again, maybe I'm taking the comments out of context?
It wasn't a check after all....I did give it to him.
we all know your son had a great envirement!
Anyway just wanted to say i too initially thought katrinka was referring to your son, which seemed a bit out of line, but then i re-read the posts and realised it was the other boy. It wasn't totally clear so i don't blame you for getting mixed up. No harm done in the end.
Hugs