Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My older sister is an addict. When I started to notice the signs I was 19 years old, and in denial. I'm ashamed to say it, but I looked the other way. I didn't ask her if she needed help. I didn't offer to spend time with her so that she would be away from the drug scene. I didn't even ask her if there was anything I could do. We didn't have the greatest relationship, and it just got worse. I cry sometimes over how little I did to try and stop my sister.
Now it's happening again. But not with my sister, with one of my close friends. She lives in a city three hours away, and we only get together about twice a year. We usually talk on facebook, and through texts because neither of us have long distance calling.
This last time I went and saw her everything was wrong. She has lost 70lbs in eight months. That's almost 10lbs a month, and she was only 190lbs to start with. She will start talking then just trail off in disjointed mumbling that makes no sense. Or she will get this glazed look in her eyes and zone out. She has started smoking cigarettes, something we were both avidly against in the past, and she is in a relationship with a man who hits her. She has taken up drinking, alot, at least three or four days a week she gets blottoed.
So I took a deep breath and I talked to her.
And she freaked out. She told me that she is not doing anything wrong. That she is happy she is losing weight. That she loves this man, even though he hits her, he has promised to stop(ya...right). That her drinking isn't out of control, she just likes to have some fun. That she isn't addicted to smokes, she can quit if she wants, she just does it because its something her beau and her can do together. That she isn't smoking, snorting, or injecting anything hard.
I should mention something. My friend has FASD. Her mother drank heavily while she was pregnant and some of the things we think my friend can't comprehend.
I'm just freaking out. I don't know what else to do. I offered for her to come stay with us for a month. She is living with her parents and unemployed right now so she would not be leaving anything behind. But she refuses to be away from her other half that long.
I'm just panicking...it's happening all over again, and even though this time I'm trying I'm still failing!
Now it's happening again. But not with my sister, with one of my close friends. She lives in a city three hours away, and we only get together about twice a year. We usually talk on facebook, and through texts because neither of us have long distance calling.
This last time I went and saw her everything was wrong. She has lost 70lbs in eight months. That's almost 10lbs a month, and she was only 190lbs to start with. She will start talking then just trail off in disjointed mumbling that makes no sense. Or she will get this glazed look in her eyes and zone out. She has started smoking cigarettes, something we were both avidly against in the past, and she is in a relationship with a man who hits her. She has taken up drinking, alot, at least three or four days a week she gets blottoed.
So I took a deep breath and I talked to her.
And she freaked out. She told me that she is not doing anything wrong. That she is happy she is losing weight. That she loves this man, even though he hits her, he has promised to stop(ya...right). That her drinking isn't out of control, she just likes to have some fun. That she isn't addicted to smokes, she can quit if she wants, she just does it because its something her beau and her can do together. That she isn't smoking, snorting, or injecting anything hard.
I should mention something. My friend has FASD. Her mother drank heavily while she was pregnant and some of the things we think my friend can't comprehend.
I'm just freaking out. I don't know what else to do. I offered for her to come stay with us for a month. She is living with her parents and unemployed right now so she would not be leaving anything behind. But she refuses to be away from her other half that long.
I'm just panicking...it's happening all over again, and even though this time I'm trying I'm still failing!
deleted_user
Oh, no, what do you think you are failing at? Please understand, you are not failing at anything or failing your friend. You have offered, and that is all you can do. Make sure that door is open, if she asks. But you cannot be, you are not, responsible for any of the addictions that make ou so sad.
deleted_user
Don't blame yourself for your friend, or for your sister for that matter. They aren't your responsibility. It's not easy to watch people ruin their lives. But so long as they are in denial, there is nothing you can do. The more you push it, the more they'll push back.
deleted_user
There is nothing you can do but offer help and support. The addict has to want to recover and get help it cannot be forced no matter how much you want to. My father was a heavy drinker and he would turn into a monster when he was drunk. I know you love your friend and your sister, but addiction is much bigger then us and there is only so much we can do. Its hard but thats the facts
deleted_user
I hate to hear that about your friend, but remember that you are not failing her. You are there for her, you have talked to her and made your feelings known to her, but she is a big girl and you cannot make her see things your way unfortuantely. People will not make the changes until they are ready and we cannot make them. We can only be there for them. My daughter is an addict and as much as I want her to make the changes now, I cannot make her until she is ready. She is the only one that can make those changes. IT is frustrating beyond belief! It is so hard to see those we love hurting themselves, but you are not responsible for the decisions she is making.
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