Susan I am so so sorry you had to go through this. I completely understand what you're feeling because I had the same exact thing happen to my then 19 year old son ( it was just three years ago May 5th that this happened to my son ) I know how scared hurt worried disappointed and shattered you are . Thank God you're husband heard that God awful noise and yes I still remember the sound of it too. I will be honest with you you will never forget this I know I haven't but in time you will think about it less and less. The important thing to remember is he is still here. He has another day to change. Is he willing to go to rehab? Does he want to change ? Please let him know how much you love him but can not and will not allow him to use drugs in your home. How old is he ? At the time this happened to us I told my son in order to live here he must attend rehab and have random drug testing at home as well as at rehab . He did comply because he really didn't have a choice. I'm not gonna lie to you it was not the end of my sons struggles with drugs . He just switched to a different drug one not easily picked up by most 12 panel drug tests . I did so much research I could probably write a book on drugs and their symptoms of use. The thing is I vowed to do any and everything I could to stop him from using and he did just figure out a way around things . Finally my son was arrested in January of 2014 and it was the one thing that finally seemed to wake him up . Has your son ever been to jail? Mine hated it so just something to think about if you should continue to feel he isn't doing the right thing. I literally drove myself crazy checking on him numerous times a night to make sure he was breathing. I will just say I hope your son wakes up and realizes for some reason he was given a second chance . I pray for all those affected by this horrendous disease. I'm truly sorry Susan if I can offer you any kind of help in anyway please let me know . No mom should ever have to have this memory I am sorry you had to experience this . Hugs hang in there !! Dee

Thanks for your reply and support. He got out of a 30 day rehab program mid April this year. I really was blown away to find him on the bathroom floor, barely breathing last night. I really thought he was moving forward, but obviously he is a great manipulator and I thought I knew him best. Last night in the ER, he was almost a different person. He didn't care if he lived or died. He was defiant and almost self entitled. He has never been argumentative or aggressive. He wanted his meds and his money after we got home and threatened to leave. I didn't even see his text and he was sleeping soundly when I got up this morning, so I guess he didn't leave! The picture in my mind of the EMT's working on him in his bedroom (he wasn't breathing) will never leave me.

Was he using heroin or any type of opiates ? They are very very difficult to overcome. You said he was treated with Narcan so actually I just answered my own question they only work on opiates to reverse it . My son was/ is sounding a lot like yours. Always respectful never argumentative until he started using those evil drugs. I was beyond shocked when they finally let me in the E.R. Bay to see him strapped down with a face guard on because he was spitting at the staff and hit a nurse. This is really quite a common reaction to the Narcan because it rips them out of the high so fast. I apologized profusely to the staff how could my son do such a thing to people who were saving his life? I was utterly ashamed of him not for the drug use although I certainly was not proud of that either but for how violent and evil he acted to these poor doctors and nurses. I will tell you it is not him acting that way but the drugs however they still have to be held accountable for their actions. What about suboxene or vivatrol? Methadone ? Have you all considered this? I know you've heard it before but it is true sadly relapse is very common and not to be unexpected. My son would do good for a few months and than bam right back into it this happened numerous times. He did finally get on a suboxene program and it did really seem to help him. Some people don't believe in it they feel it is not being totally in recovery but I disagree I think if there is a supportive medicine that can help them stay clean and along with rehab counseling than I personally don't have a problem with it. I know it's hard when they treat us so badly because we are the enemy of the drugs and the drugs know this. The manipulation and lies are all such a big part of the puzzle. I have often used the analogy of being the priest during an exorcisim because that's the closest comparison I can think of . Please know that your beloved son is still in there deep down inside and he does love you but right now that monster has a grip on him and we have to try and break its hold I believe the most important thing is to make sure you let him know he is loved but his drug use is not .

As a mother...I can understand the panic...I remember the day my son was overdosed....and I called work and said I had to stay with him cause he was gurgling...I didn't even think of calling ER (imagine)..he could have died!

I just wanted to be there....I kept reviving him...:(....I don't know why I didn't think of calling ER....but once they stop and start up again....its a progression :(.

You really can't do anything (just like I can't) and it sux....and we can only pray this scared HIM...not just YOU and your HUBBY. That is the only thing that will work :(

Yes, deehigs, he has been on Suboxone. He did great on it for a few years. Then for whatever reason, the wheels fell off and he went over the edge. He had a great job, going to college, good car and great credit rating. About a year ago it all fell apart and without insurance, suboxone is too expensive. He got out of a 30 day rehab program mid April. At first he did great, but without aftercare, 12 step programs, he has slid downhill. Right now I am so angry with him and at the same time so scared because, deep down inside, I truly believe that he doesn't care if he lives or dies.

I cried reading your post. I am so sorry for you and your family.

Prayers are with you.

My prayers are with you.

I am so sorry. and you must be crushed. Can you get some narcan for your household? I pray you never need it again, but I am about at the point I think we should all have it.
We can only hope they keep trying. And we must do what we have to do to take care of ourselves as well.

I am so sorry to hear about your son. My son overdosed two years ago in his bedroom as well. He was 24 at the time and my husband found him when he went to check on him (he never, ever checked on him before). He was on a binge that day and behaving so reckless on opiates and antidepressents. I had called 911 on him that morning because he was so high he was hallucinating and when they let him go, he was in a rage and took more pills just to "spite me"! I don't know when this will all end. So many of his friends passed due to drugs. He is working but now is a full blown alcoholic on anti depressants. Not much of an improvement except for the the job, but he spends the rest of his time drunk or high! I hope this turns experience turns your son around and he decides to get help. My son was angry and defiant in the hospital as well. I pray al of our addicted children get the help they need and live the lives they should be. He just turned 26 on Sunday and spent the day alone and drinking in the basement. He was such a popular boy in H.S., Captain of the football team, so many friends, girlfriends and a great sense of humor. Now he is overweight, discheveled and pathetic. I understand where your're at. Good luck.

I so thank everyone for your words of support. I am really having a hard time doing day to day things. Every time I close my eyes I see him on his bathroom floor, unresponsive and struggling to breathe. I get up at night to make sure he is still alive. This is craziness! He overdosed after having a great evening visiting, doing crossword puzzles, etc. totally "normal" (whatever that is for him!). Within 20 minutes he was overdosed and would have been dead if not for my husband. The ED nurse was wonderful and gave him a double dose of narcan at my request (doctor agreed). My son told her he didn't want any more narcan & she told him "That's too bad" as she put it into his IV. I have a call into the rehab he was at and I am ready to tell him it's back to rehab or out. I really never thought as a mother I could do that, but I cannot watch the self destruction continue. Again, thank you all.

As blueviolet mentioned...you CAN get Narcan for your house. Just ask your Dr....any Dr. will either give it to you or give you a script for it.

I went to a program for myself and drinking last March and there was a big push to get Narcan in the hands of the general public. During my "class" they made us watch a video on it....and then gave us all a couple of containers of Narcan.

I gave mine to my son because he has been around people who overdosed..and he himself has issues....so he put one in his car (in case a friend was in need) and one in his house for his girl to use on him if necessary.

Its sad it has come to this...but I was grateful they were handing the stuff out to try and save lives. :(

I'm thinking of you and your son. And praying for you both.

Big hugs

I am really having a hard time with my feelings since his overdose. I am really VERY angry with him and almost feel like something in me died when I found him overdosed on the bathroom floor. I have had several family things/work stuff going on and cannot concentrate on him and his issues. I am particularly angry because he told me that he basically knew when he was doing the heroin that he overdosed on, he knew my husband was in the next room and would hear him. I really feel like he is going to die and there is absolutely nothing I can do or say to change this course of action. I have almost accepted it and that he is gone. I cannot believe that I feel like this. I am so sad that I feel like this and wonder if whatever "died" in me will ever live again?

I understand and feel like the addicts in family are slowly slipping away and nothing I can say or do makes any difference...
Their hearts and souls seem lost with somewhat functioning bodies.
It is great that you have a supportive husband by your side through this pain.
A family filled with denial is so much harder.

Hi Susan. I understand your anger. I felt the same way when this happened with my son. It was like a complete slap in the face after all our efforts to help him and be supportive and for no apparent reason he comes home and does this . I think it's pretty normal response you're having in regards to this however maybe it would help if you had someone to talk to about it in a professional setting like a therapist? I did seek help from a psychiatrist but it,was only because I made the appointment for my son who then refused to go to it so I took the appointment .i spilled my guys to him in regard to the situation and he pretty much validated what I was feeling was completely normal but not necessarily healthy for me to keep feeling so angry. Life with an addict is so difficult. Filled with so many ups and downs ( mostly downs) I know they are all different people and for whatever reason each has there own bottom or triggers that may start the ball rolling again after however long of abstinence. One of my greatest supporters from this group had to really remind me that my son was not bad but was very sick . I think her reminding me of that was what I needed to hear to help with some of the resentment I was feeling. I hope you can move forward with more peace and joy in your life . I pray that your son decides to seek help and find recovery again . Hugs Dee