Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
There are so many terrible stereotypes as well as negative things people do in our society. Being a 'druggie' and doing drugs happens to be two of the worst things. Is there a second chance out there for addicts?
My sister tells me that she feels so terrible for the things she has done to herself and my family, and although she hears the words "move forward" she doesn't believe she will ever be able to forgive herself.
Firstly, when she says this I don't know what to think or believe. However, as I try to hold onto the hope I have left, I kind of see what she means. The power of heroin (and a concoction of many other drugs) has F'd with her mind and created some sort of devil. She has done terrible, terrible, terrible things while on these drugs. Luckily she is no longer a zombie (knock on wood) and can 'feel' again. This is truly great, but right now she is realizing the rath of her own decisions.
When the tears start rolling, I almost want to feel bad for her? Then I smarten up. She caused this damage. No one caused it but her. I tried to cure her, and that was a major FAIL. We all tried to control her by feeding her our 'ways of life and words of wisdom', but she dismissed it faster than we got it all out (at least 20 times).
Although i'm feeling cold towards my sister, I must admit that our society is a tough place for me to live, and i'm working a decent full time job. The constant rotation of eat, work, sleep, and the odd outting is overwhelming sometimes.
Imagine this... you're an addict at a young age, let's say 16 to 23, forced in and out of rehabs, so when you're 23, fresh out of a bubble, you are released into society. You have low self-esteem, owe people BIG money and have half the druggies hating on you, plus you earned yourself a record that will cause you a bit of trouble when you try to get a job. Oh yeah, and you're trying to do all of this with the brain of a 16 year old ( no offence to the youngens, just going from my own experience)... man, that's tough...
I don't like my sister. If she wasn't my sister we would NOT be friends. Because she is my sister, and I love her, i'll keep the hope going strong. She's on my mind less and less these days, which I believe is a step forward for me. I hope that she can make it in HER tough world.
As for society, I know they have already labelled her as 'a druggie' and someone not to trust, I know I have. I pray that she finds a second REAL chance at life (or I suppose it would be her 4th chance). I pray she can get past this one day, that she can find the beauty in herself and make the most of her life in which ever way she chooses. I pray she can find the help our community has to offer and utilize it. I'd post the question which programs are most effective? But my sister wouldn't take the advice i'd put forward, so this one goes up to my higher power and i'll leave it with him.
Peace to all x
My sister tells me that she feels so terrible for the things she has done to herself and my family, and although she hears the words "move forward" she doesn't believe she will ever be able to forgive herself.
Firstly, when she says this I don't know what to think or believe. However, as I try to hold onto the hope I have left, I kind of see what she means. The power of heroin (and a concoction of many other drugs) has F'd with her mind and created some sort of devil. She has done terrible, terrible, terrible things while on these drugs. Luckily she is no longer a zombie (knock on wood) and can 'feel' again. This is truly great, but right now she is realizing the rath of her own decisions.
When the tears start rolling, I almost want to feel bad for her? Then I smarten up. She caused this damage. No one caused it but her. I tried to cure her, and that was a major FAIL. We all tried to control her by feeding her our 'ways of life and words of wisdom', but she dismissed it faster than we got it all out (at least 20 times).
Although i'm feeling cold towards my sister, I must admit that our society is a tough place for me to live, and i'm working a decent full time job. The constant rotation of eat, work, sleep, and the odd outting is overwhelming sometimes.
Imagine this... you're an addict at a young age, let's say 16 to 23, forced in and out of rehabs, so when you're 23, fresh out of a bubble, you are released into society. You have low self-esteem, owe people BIG money and have half the druggies hating on you, plus you earned yourself a record that will cause you a bit of trouble when you try to get a job. Oh yeah, and you're trying to do all of this with the brain of a 16 year old ( no offence to the youngens, just going from my own experience)... man, that's tough...
I don't like my sister. If she wasn't my sister we would NOT be friends. Because she is my sister, and I love her, i'll keep the hope going strong. She's on my mind less and less these days, which I believe is a step forward for me. I hope that she can make it in HER tough world.
As for society, I know they have already labelled her as 'a druggie' and someone not to trust, I know I have. I pray that she finds a second REAL chance at life (or I suppose it would be her 4th chance). I pray she can get past this one day, that she can find the beauty in herself and make the most of her life in which ever way she chooses. I pray she can find the help our community has to offer and utilize it. I'd post the question which programs are most effective? But my sister wouldn't take the advice i'd put forward, so this one goes up to my higher power and i'll leave it with him.
Peace to all x
That's why ut's so important to detach from the addict ,, love the person ,, it's hard ,,,, work in it every day,,,
Your right we can't control them,,, there is not cure for addiction can only arrest it ,,, it's up to them,
I believe where there is life ,, there is always hope ,
If they put the same effort into their recovery they do into using, and I believe that working the steps and "making amends" - or as my son would say, cleaning their side of the street..they can go forward. Damaged? yea, but not destroyed.
dreams can be delayed, but they can still make things happen. And helping others is another way they can really pay back society.
No one is perfect, there are many supposidly sober powerful people in high place who I think are much worst then a person who is stuck in their drug abuse. Madoff for one, who sucked all the money from people and left them broke. Our society has a larger gap growing where wealthier get wealthier, and poorer get poorer. There are many wealthy people who use drugs, would you call, Demi Moore a druggie? People came to her support and offered help she had been abusing Adderall for years in order to say thin.
Drug abuse is genetic and the environment you were raise plus chemical and mental imbalances. I do not think anyone grows up thinking I wanna be a drug addict when I grow up, it is a slow progressive disease.
This is the problem if we detach, for some we say I love you, but honestly they are just words with little meaning. We should not judge them and instead think they may be living their own personal hell. We need to love them, support them and learn how to set boundaries that help the addict and help us. If being near that person is so hard where really we cannot help them then it is best we step back and have as little as possible to do with the addict.
What you said is true, but it is still sad to me.
My family thought my husband was a total loser and didn't even want him at my kids' birthday parties, holidays, etc.
He had to prove himself, and he did. They trust him as much as any other one of us and treat him no differently. He doesn't hide and doesn't pretent he wasn't where he was.
He lost his job and had to start at the bottom at a new one. It's all about sticking it out and working through it. It isn't easy, but hey, in my opinion, you asked for it, you have to fight your way back.
If people still see a "druggie" they are going to treat a "druggie" just the same. If people see a changed person, that stigma will go away. Just look at the media. Media LOVES a come back story... David Arquette, that recovering drug addict on the Voice, sorry don't know his name, Robert Downey Jr., the list can go on and on and on.
And, as far as criminal records, a relative of mine hired a person with extensive former drug charges. It was 10 years prior and the applicant didn't hide it. He said he was young and dumb and made a change for the better. My relative gave him a second chance. It might be hard until the convict gets a couple years under their belt where they can talk about a "come back", but it is most certainly possible. And of course there are some companies and government positions that will make no exceptions. People with criminal backgrounds have to accept that and take what they can get. You have to pay for your mistakes. Start out small, even if it's flipping burgers, pay your debt, which takes longer to do to society than it does to the State. Pay people back, even if it's $5-$10 per month. They'll appreciate the effort against none.
If people want a second chance, they have to fight for it.
Me on the other hand started bagging groceries when I was 14 because I knew my family struggled. If I wanted new clothes, sneakers etc., I needed to work. At 16 I was cashiering, by 18 I was the assistant manager full time, where I stayed for the next 5 years while I was a full time college student. Yeah i had 5 very stressful, sleepless years.
All the while she is a teenager, causing all kinds of trouble, drinking, smoking, driving my parents crazy. Not to mention the heroin habit she picked up along the way. Now at 21, 3 weeks sober and trying to find a job, its hitting her that she screwed herself over. She has to start from a place that most people start from when they are teenagers. And I'm the bad guy because " I have a great life". " I'm the perfect one". " I dont know about problems or what it's like to be an addict".
No I educated myself and worked damn hard getting to where I am today. I dont feel bad for addicts that need to start over. I know that may sound terrible and unkind, but I made choices to better my life and sacrificed a lot. Society wasn't easy on me either. Trust me. Going to college coming from a poor family is no easy task. It's no secret that if you mess up, get in trouble, end up with a record, it will be harder to get a job. It should be. It's only fair.
If I sound harsh, I'm sorry. I dont mean to offend anybody. I'm in the beginning stages of trying to heal and overcome the obstacles with my sister and i'm just now finding a voice to share all of the emotions I have felt over her addiction of the past few years. I know negative stigma is hard thing to deal with, but if you make the wrong choices be prepared to deal with the consequences.
My life was not easy, I am a hard worker, but I still don't feel I am better then anyone. I have made better choices them my siblings and even then my choices were not that great. I never drank or used drugs but did marry two addicts. I am now in college full time plus run my own business full time.
Everyone has to walk in their own shoes and we do not need to pass judgement on them and not think we are better because we didn't do drugs or drink.
Life is short, spend it being and thinking positive not negative.
Detaching is very hard at first but it gets easier and you slowly start to feel a little like yourself again...
We'll see, one day at a time, but you're right, once they do the jail time, it is hard for them to 're-enter' without the past always kicking them backwards.