welcome. glad that you found us, and sorry that you had to.
Yes, we try to protect our addicts.
we get addicted to our addicts.
we all feel angry, sad, scared, alone, and whatever else you can think of. My addict is my son (now sober) and he was a drunk. he did jail time, dui's and even got on court tv in our tiny town every tues and thurs on reruns for a whole month. we all came thru it stronger and better....for one, I am far less judgmental!

I wouldn't even try working with the doctor doing all the heavy duty prescribing...do you have a GP? I would try working with them.
and rehab won't do her any good unless she wants it....she may be afraid of her pain...but they can treat it more efficiently if she isn't wasted. is she driving? Are you allowed to have imput with the pain management dr? does he/she know about her trip to the ER?
Never lie to authorities about anything the addict does...their mess, their results. Fail forward to success.

A GP or a therapist may be better able to direct you. And an institution is a place where she will be safe and sober..(I rested once I knew my son was safe in jail...how crazy is that?) .and watched carefully for self destructive tendencies and withdrawals....now all this is only my opinion, and it is worth what you pay for it! SO, we can give you ideas here, but only you can know all that is really going on.
there are books listed in the site somewhere, about detaching from the addict and setting boundaries...there are meetings on line or in person for narc anon or al anon...which is all about taking care of you and not enabling.
codependent no more is mentioned alot.
there are millions of posts on here, so read a bunch and see you are not alone. Addiction is progressive until they choose to get help...so learning what your boundaries are now can only help in future situations. Keep coming back.

Thanks so much for your reply, I'm glad your son is sober good for him and you.
I can't and won't talk to the pain MGMT dr, those doctors are just legal drug dealers. This guy acts like he cares but just wants his $ for every 3 month visit. My wife says that she wants t get off the pills but I'm afraid to tell her that I think that she's addicted. Mainly because I'm afraid she'll get mad (since she so unpredictable) and flush her pills down the toilet if I say anything and then she'll go through withdrawal. I've talked to others and read allot online about addiction to pain killers and read that the symtoms include things like anger, changes to personal hygiene, relationship issues etc... Personally now days my wife hates everyone and everything, doesn't drive (because she thinks she has a medical issue), never leaves the house, gets dressed or even showers.Maybe she'll take a shower once every 2 weeks. Since she gets in fights with everyone she doesn't talk to her family and they don't talk to her. I kind of don't blame them but now I'm basically dealing with it all myself and I'm too nice of a person to just walk away. (like everyone tells me) Especially since I've know her for 22 years since I was just a 17 year old kid. The night she tried to kill herself was one of the worst days of my life. I can't explain how if feels to beg someone you'e known and loved most of your life not to take their own life. I've listened to the most evil, hurtful, disgusting things come out of her mouth and I forgive it all because I know it's the pills talking not her, but I can't forget. The night she put a bottle of Oxy in her mouth and threatened to swallow them, I called 911. The ambulance and police came. I had to watch her yell at the police, kick, punch and even try to bite them before they sedated her and handcuffed her to a bed. When I got to the hospital the Drs convinced me that she was addicted and that her pain MGMT doctor was a drug dealer. That was the first time I started researching symptoms of prescription drug abuse. A few hours later I was allowed to see her and she was in a room, handcuffed to a bed with someone full time watching her. She woke up and didn't even acknowledge what she did. Was just mad at me and her sisters for calling 911. Still to this day she takes no responsibility for that night. When talking to the Dr's in they psych ward, I told them the she has a surgery coming up soon that hopefully would fix everything, I was asked "what if that surgery doesn't work". This surgery was with a celebrity surgeon who has performed this surgery on hundreds of professional athletes so I was very hopeful. This surgeon didn't take insurance so I had to pay a large amount of cash for a surgery to hopefully get both of our lives back. That's were I'm at now. The surgery didn't do anything and she's still on pills and just as angry as ever. Everyone in my life keeps telling me to leave but I refuse because I've known her since I was a kid and she is my life, even though the person I once knew is long gone. Every one I talk to can't relate. I get some good advise but until you see someone you love try to take their own life because of these pills and beg them not to they'll never understand. Just at the point now where I don't know what to do and kind of feeling like I'm having a breakdown. I go to work everyday (she doesn't work) just to get away and that's my relief. That's really sad too but my life. Thanks for listening and hope people and relate. Everyone keeps telling me talk to a therapist but not sure what that will do.

It sounds like your wife also has mental health and addiction issues (sometimes addictions bring on mental health issues). I feel for you, but you don't deserve to live a life of hell, and sometimes all of the protecting we do, doesn't help but actually harms. Therapy may be a good way for you to sort through this and figure out alternatives. It's not easy. Hugs

Thanks again everyone. She definitely has depression as well. I've been her care giver for the past 7+ years and my life has come second to try to get her better and my life has basically just come to a halt. My life is just taking care of her. I don't go anywhere or see anyone because she won't leave the house. I do all the grocery shopping, laundry, getting prescriptions, making dr appointment, driving around with a handicap pass on my car(even though she can walk and run fine) etc.... Since it's been going on for so long, it's not a way to live your early 30s by being a caregiver. People ask me to go out and have to make up excuses to both family and friends. Going to work is my only outing and I look forward to it every day. On my birthday I went out for a happy hour after work for my birthday and someone I've worked with for 3 years last day. I knew my wife would be mad but I needed to do something for myself so I went (first time in prob 8 years). I came home and my marriage license was torn to pieces at the front door. Everytime she's not talking to me and has herself locked in our bedroom I have to wonder if she's alive or not or just not talking to me.If her family talked to her I could have her stay with her family for a little bit as it may do her good but I'm all she has and I'm too nice of a person to leave her alone. These pills are evil things and really mess with peoples heads and lives. You walk into any pain dr and say your back hurts and you leave with a script for painkillers. Medically there's nothing more that can be done, she's had multiple surgeries and has seen many specialists who all say that they don't know why she has pain. I've know her for 22 years and once she started taking these pills she's become a completely different person. She'll say everyone in her life (me, her family, etc...) have all changed but the reality is that she is the common denominator, I just can't say anything.

Thanks again for listening

I was addicted to Percocet for about 4 years. I only took 5 a day lowest mg available, but I still saw myself as an addict. I quit cold turkey when I realized they were making my depression worse. Your wife's doctor should be ashamed of himself. Most doctors are responsible enough to regulate their patients pain meds. Not out of concern, but because they need to cover their asses in case of a lawsuit. Sorry you have to deal with that!

Thanks. That's great that you realized you had a problem and quit on your own. Good for you! My wife think she has a medical issue and thinks she "needs" them but says she doesn't want to be on them. The last time she saw her Dr he said that she has "Constant Pain Syndrome" which is just a BS excuse to keep prescribing these devil pills.

Also other doctors tell me that this pain mgmt doctor is over prescribing. She's prescribed 120 Percocet, 90 Oxycontin and 120 Valium per month (x 7 years) I think that's excessive. What does everything else think

That is definitely over-prescribing! I've never heard of Constant Pain Syndrome. I've heard of Chronic Pain though, which I have. I now take Lyrica, which is MUCH less habit forming & is non-narcotic. Ask your wife if she would be willing to take a non-narcotic pain killer. If she says "no", then she has a problem. If she takes that much every day, she is addicted. This sounds clich, but in order to get better, she needs to admit & recognize her problem. Her doctor needs a good boot up the butt. She is addicted, because she likes the feeling she gets from them (who doesn't?) but sooner or later, she will have to quit. If she lets it go too far, she will need rehab. Good luck to you both.

many here have addicts who had either developed or worsened mental health issues. My son's anxiety and depression are both hardly a problem for him, now that he is off everything.

She may be ill enough that they only way for her to get well is to be institutionalized. Constant care, intensive therapy and medical intervention.
I hope next time she ends up in the hospital you have her kept there. Unfortunately they don't keep them as long as we think they should. my son's friend (who ended up living with us) had his dad taken away due to holding a gun to his head, and they let him out in 3 days.
you and her sisters need to get on the same page, and figure out what to do. you cannot continue on this way.

Thanks everyone. She's def over prescribed but I would think that the first step would be acknowledge that you have a problem. My wife won't, everything is someone else's fault and she'll say that she want's to get off these pills but says she "needs them". Her pain MGMT dr says that he know's that she's not addicted because he knows how to detect and addict. Either he's a liar just to get paid or is bad at his job. The wording he may have used is "Cronic Pain" I don't remember the exact working. One of her surgeons wanted her to try Lyrica but she wouldn't because she read that one of the said affects is heavy weight gain (prob just an excuse). She honestly scars the hell out of me with her anger and mood swings. Everyone in my family tells me that they're afraid she's going to kill me one day if I stay around but again I can't leave her alone in life (even though it may be her good). With the 90 oxy, 120 percocet and 120 valium she takes per month she also takes tylenol and a tylenol PM at night. She was on Soma too but got off of it. If she mixes alcohol that makes things worse. The night I sent her to the ER she was drinking scotch and blamed it all on the scotch. her Drunk people don't do that,only with mental problems do. I don't keep too much liquor at home and if I by a 6 pack of beer I'll buy warm and only put 1 or 2 in the fridge (mainly for myself if I want one) but that's added to the list of things I can't have or do in my life to protect her. We don't sleep in the same bed anymore because of her anger and hatred of me (since I'm such an ass for taking care of her but she doesn't see that). Since she doesn't talk to her family she gets mad at me for talking to mine, I have to hide my cell phone because she deletes txt messages from my family before I see them. Last night she asked me where my phone was I told her my pocket. The then called me an a**hole and put a pillow on my head for a second pretending to smother me but not in a joking kidding around way. Woke up this morning to a note saying that she want's a divorce because we both hate each other (which isn't true, I don't hate her, I hate what she's become). She then got up this afternoon (she sleeps all day) and acted like nothing has ever happened. I just look at her and ask myself if she could also be bi-polar. The night I sent her to the ER wasn't the first time she put pills in her mouth to threaten me. The first time I got her to spit them out right away. A few years back a friend of out killed himself and she always says that he had the right idea. When being interviewed by the doctors in the ER I didn't say any of that because I knew that they would put her on a 72 hour stay. Even after that incident there was another one. When Robbin Williams killed himself but suffocation, one morning she wakes me up in the middle of the night saying that she put a bag over hear head to see how long she could last. I didn't believe her, the next morning I went downstairs to get ready for works and there was a plastic bag next to the couch.
She def needs helps but will need to be willing to get it and acknowledge that she has a problem which I feel will never happen because she takes no responsibility for anything. Everything is always someone elses fault. I've known her for 22 years and have never heard her say something was her fault. Since no one in her family speaks to her I'm on my own, my family cares mostly for me but she now hates everyone in my family. Last year my grandmother passed away who I was very close with. She wouldn't even go to the funeral and got mad a me for staying as long as I did and didn't even ask how it went. She's known her for 20+ years. When I told her that she passed away she said "that's what old people do, they die". A week before she passed I went to see her to say goodbye because I knew she didn't have long. My wife refused to go with me and again got mad at me for going. That was the point I saw that she's become a person that I don't know anymore and the root cause is these pills. She needs serious help but is unwilling to get it. I need help to but my life comes second as it's been for the past 7+ years since I've been her caregiver. My family tells me that one day I may snap

For addicts the thought of removing their lifelinr, their oxygen (ie:drug of choice) is scary shit.

Imagine for a moment that your loved ones told you that you needed to "get well" but the path would involve deep emotional pain, self hatred, shame, feeling of worthlessness, horrible physical pain and discomfort.

Imagine that you had to choose this path. The only way to get to the other sideis to walk through this fire of emotional and physical torture for weeks maybe months. Or..... you could pop a pill and numb it all.

Different people came to their addictions from different paths but they are all in the same room now. They've lost their ability to deal with every day life without their "medication". Their brains ability to cope is clouded. The addict knows that the path to a sober life is not pleasant and for most it seems unachievable.

The whole "how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. " is how they have to see it.

my son for a while was not willing to "sacrifice" another 3 months of his life for rehab. He was lookingat rehab like a jail sentence that was interrupting his otherwise decent life (insert sarcasm here).

he had to get to that point where rehab was not this torture chamber taking him from his comfortably numb state to be beaten up for his behavior. Rather the first steps in facing his demons and learning to love himself and life again. He had to believe that he could live a happy life sober.

I'm sorry I've rambled on. I'm not sure how to get your wife to see she needs help. Percocet creates its own pain after long term use.

I have issues with incredibly painful back spasms. I've been on Percocet . If the spasms last weeks ive felt withdrawal symptoms. I don't take more than 10mg a dsy during these episodes and will skip days to avoid addiction yet even with that it takes weeks for the moddyness to subside.

I also listen to a book on cd "healing back pain the mind body connection" by dr Sarno. Its worth looking into.

Your wife has been on these pills for a while and it will be very difficult getting off. I'm sure she knows that. With the crack down on these dr feelgoods, people are switching to heroin.

I how she gets help.

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through.

Your wife is clearly addicted to the pain medication. Opiates are highly addictive drugs. They are no different than heroin, except in a pill form. It's the same drug. It would not be possible for a person to take that many opiate-based pills and not be addicted. That doctor ought to have his license revoked.

She is going to always have pain whenever she stops taking the pills. That pain will be caused by withdrawal. Until she's off the drugs and her brain has had time to heal, there is no way of knowing if the original problem that caused the pain has been fixed. Surgery and other treatments will be useless. She is also building up resistance to the pills and has to keep taking more and more. Eventually, they will put her into a psychiatric hospital or jail or they will kill her. This is a progressive disease and she will only get worse. She has no hope of living pain free unless she first gets off the pills.

Also, the combination of opiates and alcohol can be fatal. Taking too many of her pills can also be fatal.

But, there's nothing that you can do to help her. In fact, you are enabling her behavior by not letting her suffer the consequences. It's time to take YOUR life back. I recommend two books: Codependent No More and Boundaries. Also, Al-Anon could help.

When you are ready, a good boundary would be that you will support her as long as she takes action to go to a reputable addiction specialist that can help her get off the pills. That might mean in-patient rehab, or it might mean switching from opiates to methadone or Suboxone (but ONLY if she no longer has access to pills).

It seems like you have been living like a frog in boiling water. It starts out warm and you think it's OK, but as it gradually gets hotter, you don't necessarily notice it until you are ready to boil to death. The water in your home is on full boil and it's time to do something about it to save yourself.

You can still be her friend and help her, but there is no reason why you have to live in a home with a person that you are afraid of and treats you badly. Staying married or being treated like this are not your only choices.

Sorry! I forgot to introduce myself. My addict is my 22 year old son. His main drug of choice is opiates. He started with pain pills and eventually moved on to heroin. He also used any drug he could get his hands on as well as alcohol. He turned into someone that we did not recognize, to the point that we had to kick him out of our home unless he got treatment. He went to rehab twice, got 2 OWI's, and went to intensive outpatient treatment more times than I can remember. Finally, methadone saved his life. He recently switched from methadone to Suboxone and we're really beginning to see him coming back to his old self, although he still has a way to go.

it sounds like your wife works really hard to manipulate you. keep you away from family and friends...and if she really meant to kill herself, she would have been in much more serious trouble. I can lay a plastic bag by the sofa too...Addicted or not? really, I don't see that as your biggest problem. She is making you sick. not just snapping one day. she is making you codependent and jumping at her every whim. she is hot and cold, up and down and it is all up to you to handle?
My first suggestion is to not be so controlled by her. learn about healthy boundaries- codependent no more is a book you should get.
I am just exhausted reading all the crap you are dealing with. Yes. she has many problems....but when we are with someone who is sick, we can get ill as well. your family is telling you the truth...they are worried about YOU!
how do you know that taking care of yourself won't be her light at the end of the tunnel?
None of my business, but you really need to step back and look at this objectively. I wish you peace

My son had some jaw/teeth issues several years back (he is now 27) and was prescribed oxycontin or some such. He decided he loved it and was a functioning addict (working, going to college) until about 2-3 years ago. He started on suboxone and did very well for 2-3 years. The wheels fell off last spring and he lost 2 jobs, his car, his great credit rating, etc. Went from at least 1 shower a day to perhaps once every week or two. He went through detox recently. Waited 2 weeks to get into rehab (where he currently is, voluntarily) and my prayer is that he finishes the program and gets his life back on track. It is the toughest thing I may have to do, but I may have to kick him out and allow consequences to happen if he does not get his life back on track. I too am a "nice person". I put up with his father's crap for 14 years and gained nothing but heartache, disappointment and low self esteem. I truly loved him, but it was all for naught. Save yourself. What is it they say? You didn't cause it; you can't control it and you can't cure it. The literature suggested here is great. The suggestions/comments here are right on, even though you may not want to totally accept them. Opiates are a nasty addiction that seems to be an epidemic currently. I am hoping and praying for you and yours. Take it a step/day/hour at a time.