Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I am looking for insight from you guys to help me think through this clearly.
Here is the situation: My husband is in partial hospitalization/transitional living substance abuse treatment right now, currently in his 3rd week. He seems to be doing well and making progress.
So, unrelated to treatment, we have been planning to get a new (used) car for him because we have only one car and two kids. When he leaves treatment he will need to begin looking for a new job. in addition to the basic additional needs of the family.
So, here is the question I am looking for help with: Do I go ahead and get a car for him now, or does that teach him he can do as he pleases (use) and in a few weeks he gets what he wants handed to him? I want to get the car, selfishly, so that this is one less thing to think about when he is out. On the other hand, I am concerned that this will teach him he does not have to worry about the consequences.
Am I thinking too much about this? Insight? Opinions?
Here is the situation: My husband is in partial hospitalization/transitional living substance abuse treatment right now, currently in his 3rd week. He seems to be doing well and making progress.
So, unrelated to treatment, we have been planning to get a new (used) car for him because we have only one car and two kids. When he leaves treatment he will need to begin looking for a new job. in addition to the basic additional needs of the family.
So, here is the question I am looking for help with: Do I go ahead and get a car for him now, or does that teach him he can do as he pleases (use) and in a few weeks he gets what he wants handed to him? I want to get the car, selfishly, so that this is one less thing to think about when he is out. On the other hand, I am concerned that this will teach him he does not have to worry about the consequences.
Am I thinking too much about this? Insight? Opinions?
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I think that it would benefit you both if he made the car decision on his own. What I mean is that he can choose it when he gets backa and he can be responsible for the payments and such. So that way he is working for what he wants/needs. This will also give him and you something to look forward to and depend on. If he cant work and pay for the car he doesnt need it.. ya know? And Im sure he he hates having one vehicle just as much as you..
hope this helps!
More importantly than the car will be your home environement when he comes home and the boundaries you set. It is important that he understands that in your marriage the responsibilities are shared and the relatiionship and everything that comes with it is a priveledge. If he chooses to cross the boundaries, he looses the priveledge of your trust in the relationship.
Be careful that even though he is an addict, not to treat him like a child but the adult that he is. He knows better and if you set the boundaries, he knows not to cross. It is important to be firm but loving in setting the boundaries and dont waver. If you say one thing and do another it sends a mixed signal to him that you will give in and he doesnt have to worry about loosing his priveledge so much.
Hugs
How long has he been an addict. Is this his first rehab? Is he moving to a sober living environment, or home?
If it were me, I would talk to his counselor at the rehab center and explain what your concerns are and get some input from them.
My gut tells me... No. If he needs a ride to apply for jobs or an interview, I'd take him. he can get a ride to meetings from his sponsor. other then that, it should be like a child... they regain your trust and priviliges as they prove themselves.
Good Luck, God Bles.