I'm sorry.. I hope he will agree to rehab, and I hope also that you know that ultimately it is only he that can control his own addiction.. Blessings on you ... Hang in there

Does he live with your husbands sister? Is that a way of amends from your husband? If he does live with her...that's a little bit of relief that he is not on the street.

I too get devastated when my kids have set backs in life so I know that PIT in your stomach when you heard. I heard something on Dr. Phil the other day that I don't remember fully. But when we are angry its because of three things...I cant remember what they were..but one of them was not resentment. But one of them was fear :(.

My 2 cents is you husband may have drank with him and that is VERY BAD. But I believe that addiction is there and once it is fed...if you have that addictive personality or the problems that make you want to escape your going to chase whatever makes you feel better. So your son would have gotten a hold of a drink at sometime/somewhere..and he would still have this problem.

I don't judge people with addiction because I was addicted (still to cigs), my son is addicted, my sisters are addicted, my boyfriend is addicted. Addiction seems to prevalent in this world lately...I don't think people addicted are BAD...I think the world is just in trouble with addiction :(.

I have no advice...because I have been thru this many times with my son. I would send him jobs to apply for and he would just ignore me. I would lay awake at night. You have a tough road ahead with your worry and I feel for you.

Misssy, it's been a ROUGH last year & a half. I pray every day & am just waiting for the misery to end. The thing with my hubby, I TOLD him all the time that our son carries the gene for being an alcoholic. He laughed it off & wouldn't listen to me. Now, we are paying for it. No, he doesn't live with the sister, but she & her husband are the only relatives in Lincoln that care. My son is very close to the uncle. He still hasn't called. His sister begged us not to tell hum where we heard it, she was afraid that would cause dis-trust & our son wouldn't call them anymore. I thought about calling him last night, but knew he would be drunk. I am hoping he checked himself into rehab. I think this is rock-bottom for him. He depended on his good job to pay the rent, etc. Now he has nothing. I have a feeling his girlfriend will dump him now too, which will make it worse. Im so scared & worried about him. I couldn't sleep last night. Even through my dreams, I was still thinking about him.

I am so sorry. praying that this will be his rock bottom and he will get help. take care of yourself . try to get into al-anon for yourself

the best help my son received, was through medicaid. He had no income and no savings and he qualified for help.
Now, he has been working and paying taxes for the last almost 5 years...sober 6...and paying it forward.
sometimes having less makes them qualify for more.
Hope that is the case for him.

Thank you Blueviolet, I will make sure he knows about Medicaid. He is so very sick right now & I feel helpless, 600 miles away. I am so tired of the drama my kids have been bringing me for the last 10 years, I don't know If I will make it much longer. Im tired & weary of this earthly life..I want to go home.

gordo...my heart bleeds for you when I read it interrupts your sleep and its been 10 years. Its been 13 for me (not comparing, just identifying)...and as you know we have many of those nights and when a break finally comes (like he got a good job). We breathe for awhile.

I think it is just a recovery period when the small breaks happen to prepare us for the next drama.

I also have had the feelings you have about take me away from this earthly life. But that his really not fair to us...we have to live long enough to see them succeed. That's my goal...it has to happen sooner or later. Preferably sooner.

I don't know if I said it but I was addicted to alcohol myself...I quit 8 years and drank all this past year. I only have 20 days sober. So I know exactly what he is going thru as well. As I try..please hang in there....I know its even hard to find 5 minutes in a day to be happy.

Believe me I know...just keep trying...

Hi Gordo.I'm very sorry to hear your troubles.it is emotionally exhausting.Of all the year's of frustration for me this book helps me the most"first aid for enablers".This book helps me tremendously as I struggle with boundaries with my son and their are grandkids involved.I wish you peace and happiness.

Thank you Misssy. I have lived with alcoholics my whole life. My mom, my stepdad, my dad, my brother, my sister, & my husband. My husband KNEW how sensitive I was about the alcohol thing & still chose to ignore me. That is what is bothering me so bad. It may not be his fault that our son is now a full-blown alcoholic, but he sure didn't need to feed the monster or give it a nudge. Sorry, but I have already accepted the fact that I will resent him for awhile. I am not going to divorce him, that is the LAST thing my son needs right now. He needs all the stability he can get, even at 22. My son still thinks his parents are ok, we do a great job hiding our feelings. I thank God all the time for alcohol making me sick, I drank socially when I was younger, but the last 12 years, I haven't drank at all. That doesn't make me better, just luckier. If I had known I would pass along my screwed up genetics, I would never have had kids. It was selfish of me. Please say a prayer that my son will go to rehab. Thank you all for the support.

Misssy, I will pray for your continued sobriety. Don't be too hard on yourself. This world is cruel. I smoke, so that is my crutch. We all have vices & crutches. I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you greemashell, thankfully, my son has no children. It would make this 10X harder, I know. God Bless us all.

Your right...he didn't need the nudge...but for yourself...if you are not going to divorce...I would say you have to somehow get to a point of forgiveness and realization that he would have eventually started drinking. 22 is young...there is no way he would have escaped any of his friends not offering a drink to him...and the "gene" would keep him where he is today.

I had to make a choice years ago for myself to forgive a terrible thing...my X slept with my sister..for 3 years I was angry...hurt...you name it..I was IT. And I realized I was making myself sick and I was on the "toilet" lol...and I said to myself...OK..your going to forgive him or move on....I chose to forgive him.

I really did forgive him...and then about 3 days later my sister called and said it happened again. I eventually asked him to leave after 19 years.

Find a way to forgive..so you can at least be at peace in your house.

sorry..I left him a year after the 2nd time....total relationship was 19 or 20 years.

Oh missy, how awful! Im so sorry, I cant imagine my sister betraying me like that. You are a great person for forgiving like that. It does take time though.
I am in the process of forgiving my husband, it's a lot better than it used to be.

It's so hard to watch our adult children struggling. Life can be challenging enough without addiction, but add that to the picture, and they become so vulnerable. I wish you and your son all the best and hope that he feels ready to go to rehab.