TODAY IS A BETTER DAY. I DID A little soul searching, and praying, I'm feeling better than i was yesterdaY. each day is a struggle, because It is becoming so predictable with him. he dranked last night and surprisingly wenT to sleep with out any drama. But was still very talkativE and attention seeking. so he called everyone in his phone as usuall, until he got a response. I t was from his dad, who tells him he need to come back to church. he keeps talking about bettering himself, every week. But it only last for the moment. I've gotten use to it now, and I no longer get frustraTed when he says things like that, and it turns out to be a flop. His lieing is A regular thing, and it is consistant, and tha tis the only thing he is consistant about, is lieing faithfully. I've gotten bored, and emotionless when it comes to the things he says when it's about doing somethng positive with his life. Because as soon as his get high buddies come around, all of that positive flow, goes out the window and into the garbage. He is a loyal follower of the wrong stuff and negative people. That MAY have something to do with his up bringing, being around negativity most of his life.

When we got married, no one could beleive he was getting married. They said who would want to marry him. Now I can see why they said thaT. HE HAS GOOD INTENTION AND HE KNOWS HOW TO DO THE RIGHT THING, AND MAKE ME SMILE. HE IS CAPABLE. HE WAS DOING A WONDERFUL JOB OF That, until the BLAST FROM THE PAST CREEPED BACK INTO HIS LIFE. ONE OLD GET HIGH BUDDY after another one. Mind you, their live are tore up. Some of them no job, no woman, no place to stay or they live with their mother, or where ever they can, or they are going through a divorce. THATS WHEN THE PROBLEMS STARTED, ONE RIGHT BEHIND THE OTHER, HIS OLD SELF STARTED WAKING UP, LIKE A GREEN GOBLIN AND OH MY GOD, IT IS UGLY, MEAN , AND VINDICTIVE, PETTY, MANIPULATIVE, COMPULSIVE LIAR, DRUNK, POTHEAD, SELFISHNESS, ATTENTION SEEKER, USER, CONMAN, RUDENESS, YOU NAME IT I SAW IT ALL COME OUT ONE BEHIND THE OTHER. IT THREW ME FOR A WHIRL WIND. WHEN YOU FIRST MEET HIM, YOU WOULD NEVER GUESS HE WAS THAT TYPE OF PERSON. I DIDN'T, BECAUSE HE WAS AWAY FROM WHAT HE USE TO DO. NOW HIS OLD SELF IS BACK WITH A VENGENCE, BUT AT THE WRONG PERSON. ME. HE SAID ALLOF HIS EX'S CHEATED ON HIM, BUT I FEEL LIKE IM PAYING FOR THEIR MESS. EVEN THOUGH HE SAID I WAS HIS BEST. I DON'T DOUBT THAT BUT WHY SHOULD I PAY FOR THEIR SCREW UP.

WHERE ON THE OTHER HAND, MY HUSBAND WAS THE BLACK SHEEP OF THE BUNCH THE LEAST LIKELY TO HAVE ANYTHING, AND WAS CRAZY, SO THEY SAY. BUT HE CLEANED UP, MET ME, GOT MARRIED, GOT A JOB, WAS GOING TO CHURCH, WE HAD DATE WEEKEND, WE LAUGHED WE SMILE, HIS MOTHER WAS PROUD, FATHER WAS PROUD OF HIM HIS WHOLE FAMILY WAS PROUD OF HIM. THEY ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT BELEIVE HE HAD CHANGED AND NOT TO MENTION MARRIED, TO A GOOD WOMAN. HE TOLD ME HE NEVER HAD A WOMAN THAT WORKED BEFORE, NOR TOOK CARE OF HIM, HE SAID THEY ALWAYS WANTED SOMETHING FROM HIM. I SAID REALLY. NOW ME, I HAVE ALWAYS WORKED 2 JOBS JUST BECAUSE I COULD, AND TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY, I LIKE TO GET PAID, SO I MAKE MY MONEY. I LOVE TO SHOP.(shoes) FOR ME TO GET WHAT I WANT I WORK FOR IT. I NEVER RELIED ON NO MAN TO TAKE CARE OF ME, BUT IT'S NICE WHEN THEY DO. BUT I HAVE MY OWN TO FALL BACK 0N.

THAT IS ANOTHER ISSUE AS WELL, ME BEING FINANCIALY INDEPENDENT, HE HAS NEVER EXPERIENCED THAT FROM ANY FEMALE HE HAS BEEN WITH. THEY USE TO CHASE HIM FOR MONEY, AND I DON'T. HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT, YES HE TOLD ME. HE RESENT ME FOR BEING A WORKING WOMAN, YES I MAKE DOUBLE HIS SALARY PLUS. BUT I NEVER THROW THAT AT HIM. TO ME IF WE ARE TOGETHER, THEN WHAT I MAKE AND WHAT HE MAKES IS OURS. WE ARE SUPPOSE TO WORK TOGETHER, BUT IN HIS EYES, HE WANTS TO DO IT ALL. I DON'T BLAME HIM FOR THAT, BUT HE HANDLES IT THE WRONG WAY. I ALWAYS WANT MY MAN TO FEEL LIKE A MAN, NO MATTER WHO MAKE THE MOST MONEY. I DON'T SEE IT AS A COMPETITION I SEE IT AS TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS AND EACH OTHER. BUT I GUESS, HE FEELS HE HAS COMPETE WITH ME TO FEEL LIKE A MAN.

EXAMPLE: A FEW MONTHS AGO, I BOUGHT A FLAT SCREEN TV, PAID CASH. NOW HE GOES PUT A BIGGER FLAT SCREEN TV ON LAYAWAY, FOR HIM. THERE IS NO WHERE TO PUT IT. WE HAVE A TV IN EVERY ROOM. HE HAS TO COMPETE. ANOTHER EXAMPLE: I BUY HIS JEANS, VERY NICE I MAY ADD. ONE OF HIS GET HIGH FRIENDS GIVE HIM A PAIR OF JEANS, HE WEARS THEM FOREVER. DID I MENTION HE DOES NOT APPRECIATE WHAT I DO FOR HIM. I BUY HIS CIGARETTES, HE GIVES THEM AWAY. HIS GET HIGH BUDDY BUY HIM CIGRETTES, HE SAVES THEM. HE BORROWS A CAP FROM HIS GET HIGH BUDDY AND TREAT IT LIKE FINE CHINA. SOMETIMES HE TAKES THE THINGS HE BUYS FOR ME AND GIVES IT AWAY, I DON'T NOTICE THEY ARE GONE UNTIL I LOOK FOR THEM WHEN I NEED IT. OR HE TAKE THE THINGS I BUY FOR HIM TO THE PAWN SHOP, TO GET MONEY FOR BOOZE. WHEN HE IS BROKE THEN EXPECT ME TO GET THEM OUT. I DON'T.... HIS WORDS "I DON'T WANT TO MAKE MY FRIENDS MAD AT ME" BUT IT'S OK TO MAKE YOUR WIFE MAD AT YOU. I DON'T GET IT. WHO DOES THAT. I HAVE NEVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE MET ANYONE LIKE HIM. I PRAY THAT I NEVER WILL AGAIN, BECAUSE THIS IS THE MOST TWISTED THING IN MY LIFE THAT I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN A RELATIONSHIP. GO FIGURE.