just when you think they are taking it seriously they go and say something stupid so we think they aren't. It gets sooo frustrating. I hope he continues to do well.

It is frustrating, too, because you are depending on both him to do the right things and the rehab to contribute to him doing the right things. The rehab that worked on my ex gave her more and more responsibilities and I wonder - a lot - whether she could have recovered better with fewer responsibilities (like planning meals, shopping under supervision, etc., etc.) and more group sessions, counselling, reading, step work, etc.

I completely see what you're saying but think of it from another side for just a moment...

It's GOOD for them to meet other addicts. It's great for them to listen to these other people's stories and hear the paths they've taken. Okay, so the 'cool table' comment was cheesy and yes, you want him to focus more on recovery. But, it's also important to feel you connect with others. When you find someone you can relate to, it totally helps you so much more. (Look at all of us here, we do better when we find people who have walked in our shoes. It helps us feel better and realize we're not alone. Better support)

In NA, my husband connects with a lot of different people. He can't connect at all with others. And he connects more with those who did the same drug he did because they 'get it'. (his words)

I'm not saying he shouldn't focus more on rehab because he absolutely should....but sometimes the rehab comes from those you meet who have been down that path as well.

trying hard is right.... but my addict is stoopid too for just about the very same reasons. the frustrating thing for me here is the idea that if he wants to stay in relationship with me , i would like to occasionally have a mature true and real dialog. i have begun to realize he has to do this ALONE ALL ALONE. there can be no true mature discussion, and my expectations cannot be met at this time. he can barely take care of himself, thank God i can take care of myself.

P.S. i have to admit i live the word "dumbass" LOL

** oops love the word........ not live

It could be worst he could be sitting at no table.LOL He is probable feeling happy and having fun. it doesn't all have to be serious and its a great stress reliever to laugh and have fun. Plus addicts are the age they first started to use drugs. So 38 yr old's can be 20 yr old in mentality.

I heard from him tonight. He's learning a lot about himself. And he's apologizing for everything. Over and over. Says he will never do anything that will hurt me ever again. yeah whatever....

I'm going back to the kids now.

I can so relate to your story....I'm at the yeah, whatever phase also...lol