Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and happy Holiday Season! It's been a busy few months for us. We sold our home, the original buyer never showed up to the close, decided he didn't want to buy, got another buyer 3 days later and closed a month later than we expected. We passed on our new home and moved in right before thanksgiving. We adopted a new puppy 4 days after moving in. And thinking our son had been doing well, in a new apt, going to school, looking for a job. So we moved feeling great.

When we saw him on Thanksgiving, I knew something was up. So he was supposed to come up (we moved out of state) for the Holiday and found that a week before Christmas he moved in with his birth father and was going to spend the holiday with his grandmother from that side, which would've been his 1st with that side of the family.

On Sunday, before Christmas we received a call from him that he had checked himself into the VA for detox, on Tues, Christmas Eve Day, he called to let us know that he was doing well, he felt much better but had some bad news, he has Hep C. Saying it was a low viral load and they would be treating him in January. But in the few days of detox he let me know he had been using again since summer time. Not like I didn't have a clue.

Anyhow, at 1st I was quite depressed, but then it dawned on me, and I told him during a phone call before Christmas, that this was the BEST Christmas present he could ever give himself and us! And that he needed to stick with it. And hopefully, if what he is saying about the Hep C is true, they will be able to get that under control.

But we've been through it before, I pray, to St. Jude, daily hoping he will stay with this program and get it together. He KNOWS he is not going to come live with us, no matter WHAT happens, we will not enable him. He needs to do this for himself.

It's been a crazy 3 months, but I'm hoping that this will turn his life around.

My husband asked how I was feeling and the only thing I could come up with is 'numb'. I'm numb to it all, I have no tears left, I feel like I'm unfeeling towards our son, but what it is is that I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth, sadly. And I've TOLD him that in a polite way and that he would have to show it in actions, not words.

The saddest part of our conversation yesterday was he was talking about the days events and they had a secret santa that came in with t-shirts and socks for them and then a bag from the salvation army with personal care products in them. It hit me sideways and after the call I found myself tearing up thinking 'for ALL the hard work through the years of making sure that EVERY Christmas this kid had great surprises and wonderful gifts, being a single parent and being able to ensure he was in a good home and fed, clothed and had what he needed, here he is at 23 and excited about a package from the salvation army. It was just something that made me so sad.

As this year closes out, I pray that 2014 will bring peace to us all that are on this vile rollercoaster. That some how, our addicts will wake up, realize the damage they are doing to not only themselves but to their most important relationships and work harder at getting sober.

Well, there it is in a nutshell. Just when I thought things were going well, the rollercoaster started up again. Have I said how fearful I am of rollercoasters? That I've NEVER liked them and don't ride them?

Here's a wish for a Happy and Healthy 2014 to you all