Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My life has never been an easy one. But nothing worth anything is ever easy right? My addict has multiplied. My sister A is a constantly relapsing addict, and now her boyfriend C is also a relapsed addict.
A bit of back story....about 7 weeks ago CPS called me. They told me that C was peeing dirty (weed at the time) and he had been warned that his son was going to be taken if he didn't stop. They called me to see if he willingly surrendered his 4 year old son to me if we would take him in. We agreed, because I will do everything I can to keep innocent kids out of the foster system (more because it is overloaded and he could slip through the cracks then anything else). I raised my sisters middle daughter for 14 months when she was 11 and I was 21.
That was SEVEN weeks ago. Because of the way the surrender was documented we qualify for no financial assistance with the boy, and his parents have full access to him. C cannot see him alone, he needs a sober person there, previously it had been A. Dealing with C and A is bloody exhausting. They are both mentally and physically abusive to the boy.
I have heard zip from CPS. I called the number I was given and got no return calls. I recently found out, not from CPS or C, that he has failed 3 subsequent pee tests, and that he is testing for injectables. As well, they stopped testing A. Her legs and face are picked raw.....a very strong sign that she is no longer clean. So someone close to the family told me that they called CPS and reported them both. My sister will lie and say she has a doctors appt with a specialist when they want to test her and she will keep lying until it is out of her system. She has bragged about this in the past. So the friend informed the worker about her lie tactics. The worker said she would test them.....but CPS is under staffed, over worked, and have much more severe cases.
Until then I cannot legally withhold the boy from them. Someone told me there are needles in the van he travels in. There is a man who just got out of jail staying with A and C, and A is trying to get him to kick the shit out of C. He has been brought to trial THREE times for attempted murder and each time has gotten off. He will beat someone almost to death with his fists. I am so sick of the addicts in my life. I want them both to just leave. I'll take care of the boy. I'll get a second job if need be. But just leave us alone. I want CPS to do their damn job.
I am so tired. And someone asked me why I took in the boy then....but I couldn't not do it. It wasn't in me. I will deal with the bull shit that my addicts come with as long as the boy is safe and happy. He was just referred to a specialist because he shows strong signs of high functioning autism. But I also can't legally take him to the specialist, I need to have his 'parents' do it. I want them to test them, and then give me TGO instead of just being a surrender. I want someone to return my damn calls! I'm giving them until Friday to get their shit together and test them and then I'm going to call CPS and raise some hell.
A bit of back story....about 7 weeks ago CPS called me. They told me that C was peeing dirty (weed at the time) and he had been warned that his son was going to be taken if he didn't stop. They called me to see if he willingly surrendered his 4 year old son to me if we would take him in. We agreed, because I will do everything I can to keep innocent kids out of the foster system (more because it is overloaded and he could slip through the cracks then anything else). I raised my sisters middle daughter for 14 months when she was 11 and I was 21.
That was SEVEN weeks ago. Because of the way the surrender was documented we qualify for no financial assistance with the boy, and his parents have full access to him. C cannot see him alone, he needs a sober person there, previously it had been A. Dealing with C and A is bloody exhausting. They are both mentally and physically abusive to the boy.
I have heard zip from CPS. I called the number I was given and got no return calls. I recently found out, not from CPS or C, that he has failed 3 subsequent pee tests, and that he is testing for injectables. As well, they stopped testing A. Her legs and face are picked raw.....a very strong sign that she is no longer clean. So someone close to the family told me that they called CPS and reported them both. My sister will lie and say she has a doctors appt with a specialist when they want to test her and she will keep lying until it is out of her system. She has bragged about this in the past. So the friend informed the worker about her lie tactics. The worker said she would test them.....but CPS is under staffed, over worked, and have much more severe cases.
Until then I cannot legally withhold the boy from them. Someone told me there are needles in the van he travels in. There is a man who just got out of jail staying with A and C, and A is trying to get him to kick the shit out of C. He has been brought to trial THREE times for attempted murder and each time has gotten off. He will beat someone almost to death with his fists. I am so sick of the addicts in my life. I want them both to just leave. I'll take care of the boy. I'll get a second job if need be. But just leave us alone. I want CPS to do their damn job.
I am so tired. And someone asked me why I took in the boy then....but I couldn't not do it. It wasn't in me. I will deal with the bull shit that my addicts come with as long as the boy is safe and happy. He was just referred to a specialist because he shows strong signs of high functioning autism. But I also can't legally take him to the specialist, I need to have his 'parents' do it. I want them to test them, and then give me TGO instead of just being a surrender. I want someone to return my damn calls! I'm giving them until Friday to get their shit together and test them and then I'm going to call CPS and raise some hell.
Its the only choice you have right now.
Do you have the boy or not?
If you don't have him..like I said previously....call the cops...the child shouldn't be near needles or psycho's that just got out of jail.
If you have someone else's child, given to you by CPS, you should qualify for some financial assistance. Something isn't right with the paperwork. Did the boyfriend sign over his parental rights?
If you have the child, I would call a lawyer just to find out what your rights and how much you can do to advocate for the child. It sounds odd, that CPS gave you the child but then they aren't in touch with you. They can make the appointments for the specialist and go with you to the appointments as they technically have legal guardianship over the child.
I just realized you are in Canada, so what I might be telling you is incorrect as I am based in the US.
Here is a link - http://cwrp.ca/ Maybe a good place to start to get some answers.
Yes, I have the boy. No, I have no parental rights to him. He was given to us as a temporary surrender. Meaning he was meant to be with us less than 3 months. The shortest TGO (temporary guardianship order) is 3 months. So they opted to not do a TGO as it was meant to be short term.
I have called CPS seven times now, with no call back. I'm calling again tomorrow. If he is going to be with us for longer I want them to write up a TGO, meaning I would have all the rights a guardian would.
If I send him to the system I will NOT get him. He will just go in to foster care. I am not currently an up to date foster home. I'm not even up to date if they do do a TGO, I have some things I need to do first. I have done a TGO before so I'm well versed in that. But if he goes in to foster care CPS has already told me he will go to a group home as they are very under staffed when it comes to foster parents. Seeing as he is special needs most likely they will have a harder time finding him a foster family.
Right now he lives with me. His parents only see him for one day a week and the odd few hours during the week. He has to be returned to me every night, he is not allowed to stay there, and they need to give me a loose schedule of their plans. I am the one who is basically his guardian without being so. But since we are almost at the 2 month mark I think a TGO would be better and I'm going to ask for one when I finally get through to the damn worker.
I'm sure it is just aggravating that they are not getting back to you.
They will keep being persistent. :)
If there is...I would hook up with them and try to work with CPS together.
This child needs to be saved (I know you know this, I'm just sad).
He's 4 so I know I heard on Dr. Phil....that most of the behaviors and bad memories affect a child around the ages of 7-9.....That's not saying he is not affected right now...its just saying as he gets older the more he realizes and then starts blaming HIMSELF for this crap.
Even if you could work out with the biological family that they get the custody and you take care of the boy for them thru some arrangement....with monies, school supplies, Dr. visits etc. Hopefully, there is someone nice and understanding in the family?
His paternal grandparents won't be involved in his life through me. His grandmother is a real nut job. She is malicious, deceitful, negative, cruel and more than a little paranoid that the world is out to get her. She needs to see someone about her issues but she refuses. We do not get along at all....she once messaged me out of the blue on Facebook to tell me I was a giant mistake and someone should of punched my mother in the stomach. And this was BEFORE the boy came to live with us.
The bio dad has no support system outside our family. My mum sees the boy, and my niece who is 18 takes him every now and then. And my SO's family has taken him in like one of their own and he enjoys that too.
Maybe research THAT a little more..its not logical to send a kid away that is WANTED by someone.
These people in his life suck...I agree with you.
But you are his advocate....please march your arse down to CPS and figure out how to get him and not have him go to foster care OR stay with them.