You're right and she's over-reacting.

She may not be aware that she is being manipulative and controlling - I doubt it's intentional. But if her reputation gets out there then how convenient it will be to blame you for outing her.

You do what you feel is right for you - she needs to do what she feels is right for her.

I think she should go with you! Who better to tell others about the problem?
You are right, you have seen what the lack of resources can do personally. She and what she went through affected you and you have the opportunity to do something positive to help others. Who cares if they know she's your sister? If you're not sitting there saying, my sister did this, then others will not know if you are supporting your spouse, friend, parent, etc. If people know she was an addict, that's her own fault!
I wish you luck with her!

It sounds to me like she is the one being selfish. It would be great if she would participate also. Seems like it would add to her recovery. Most people are very forgiving to people who have bettered themselves.

She's definately not right but then again she is right. I don't think there is a right or wrong in this case. She is clearly overeacting, but if I were in your shoes, I'd have a long talk with her, explain the reasons behind my actions and if I saw a change in her predisposition, I'd even invite her along.

Apparently, she is embarrased. But having gone through all the lies that an addict drops here and there, I'd be cautious. Maybe she doesn't want to have others know cause then it would be harder to stick to her decisions.

In any case, have a talk, calmly. Don't try to convince her or reason with her. Just state your opinion in a nice way. You want her to feel that you are on her side. Recovery is a very hard period, everyone has to re learn everything.

I think you are right to do and follow your belief. She has a right to her opinion also, but does not have a right to tell you what you can and cannot do.
Is this her home town? Maybe she is still filled with guilt. Its one thing to feel free to let others know about your addiction in your own small circle but she may feel now the whole town will be looking down on her.

I think you are right to go, but I also think that she has a point. If your sign says "my sister....", that's her personal information that you are making public. I don't think that you have the right to go public with her problem, regardless of whether your intentions are good.

I think you should go, but change the wording on your sign to something more generic.

No, I said I WONT be carrying a sign like that or anything. I won't have anything on me that says she is my sister.

It is her home town, but she is currently living three hours away because, once again, our city doesn't offer anything and she is in a special 'living sober' program. They basically make sure all her needs are met, house, food, cable, interent, clothes, but she gets minimal extra spending money. And she is required to attend X amounts of meeting and they are allowed to do spot house checks without warning and random pee tests.

I asked her to go, and she was appalled! I don't get it. When she was in prison she had our mother update her facebook status's to say how things were going, when she would be out etc etc. Therefore, all the 400 people on her list know, and half of them aren't close pals. Then, those 400 people probably know one other person they told, even in passing, so that's 800 people who may know! And I told none of them.

My mother was seriously considering going with me, but since my sister pitched such a fit, she decided she no longer wants to go. There is a candle lit vigil later that night to remember those loved ones lost to addiction, so she told me her and my sister think that maybe only the people who have lost a loved one to addiction should go to the event at all. I was mad, told her I did lose my sister, because the person who I have now, is sure as hell not the same person I had before the crack. It's like getting a new sister, with new tendencies and alot worse conversation skill. Shouldn't of said it, I know, but I was angry.

I'm going to keep working on them, it's a week away, maybe I can crack them into just coming to see what it's about and maybe they will stay.

See this is what happens a good 2-4 years after getting into recovery. They aren't using but the behavior is the same. She is over reacting, dramatizing and making it "all about her." Tell her to get over herself and if she can't and won't participate, butt out. This is an exceptional act of care and giving on your part. If this brings attention to the matter - even if not in your town, but to one person, it has made a difference.
Kudo's to you. Your sister still has a long way to go.

The bottom line is that she can't tell you what to do. She is trying to make this about her - it's the habit of a lifetime I guess.

What I find interesting is her desire to keep secrets, push it under the rug, bully your mother into silence etc etc. No of course I'm not advocating telling her secrets to the world, but you have been affected by it (hugely) and she can't control what others do in response to her addiction.

You are processing your own journey and I think that is healthy.

JoLene, I'm sorry I misunderstood what you had on the sign. In that case, you are absolutely right.

By the way, you mentioned in your last post that she went to prison. Chances are that when she was arrested, that may have been posted in the paper. It brought back a very painful memory of when my brother was arrested 25 years ago for selling LSD. It was all over the local news. My parents got hateful phone calls from people telling them what horrible parents they must have been to raise a drug dealer. Her arrest may have harmed the reputation of her family members. This is karma.

No employer is going to make the connection between you holding a sign at a protest and the person that is applying for a job. However, they will find out about her conviction because they will ask right on the job application if she has ever been convicted of a crime. It will also often show up in a background check, which is very common. So, it is her own history, not you holding a sign, that will get in the way of her finding a job.

She is definitely over-reacting.

Hi Jolene I find what you are doing highly commendable. Putz is an understatement for the officials in your town. To hide in glass towers like there is no problem, is certainly a case in which the statement "ignorance is bliss" does not apply. If your sister was getting her drugs there when she was getting high, then so are others, and sweeping the issue under the carpet is definately irresponsible not to mention unconciable on their part. (This goes for the homeless as well)
I don't feel it is a matter of who is right in this situation. Sadly, many rehabs just put a bandaid on the situation and give the patient the detox, but the rest is up to them. It takes a lot more professional help and inner work to really conquer this dis-ease as to why they went down that slippery slope to start with. Your sister is probably feeling guilty about what she did, and hasn't forgiven herself or done the other work that are necessities in getting not just clean, but healing, physically, mentally, and spiritually. This is a lengthy process and she is just at the one year mark. It is probably a matter of her fear and self loathing for her choices to lash out at you and call you selfish, which I certainly hope you know you aren't. Many times it is a reflection on how they are feeling about themselves. Is there is a way with love and compassion yet remaining in detachment to their responses, to help your sister and your mom understand this is not a judgement about what has happened, and that you are proud of her progress to date? This may help them to recognize that what you are trying to do is bring awareness to the community and other families that may have lost loved ones already, and who are going through similar situations because the help simply is not available in your town and anyone who can address the situation simply won't because they are wearing blinders Perhaps then they can realize the urgency of this unfortunate and irresponsible situation from your town officials, and see that what you are doing is what you feel and know in your heart is right.
It is evident from what you have said, this is a necessary action especially in a town of your size. It is not that small by any stretch of the imagination. A three hour drive to get to any kind of assistance can be a matter of life and death, especially with "no" institution of any kind to offer help. . Fortunately your sister got another chance. Not all do.

I am inspired by you Jolene. We need more people on this planet like you to bring awareness to this dire situation. Drugs are taking too many wonderful beings away from themselves, their families, their lives, their homes. If you help even one person in this situation or open one persons eyes, whether it be the addict, or the family or friend or foe of one, or a miracles of miracles maybe a politician, then you have made an amazing step in the right direction. My support and prayers are with you, in whatever your decision may be. Best of luck. Keep us posted. Hugs wmay