Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So, as you know, my son, 22 is an addict to Heroin, oxy, shrooms, pot, anything.....after a couple years of the 'revolving' door, I finally had enough and threw him out...he has no job, no money, no place to go although for two months now he has been couch hopping and pretty much using up ALL his chits with his buddies....he has been in contact with his birth father, whom he hasn't seen since he was about 2-3 years old, the man that stole his ssn at age 14 and we didn't know until he was 19 it was going on and it really hurt my son (THAT seemed to be the time he took this nasty hard turn to drugs).....he talks to his 'grandmother' on that side, who is a total WACKO....but I was hoping that they would be able to help him make sense of it all and solve some issues....and it has been helping him as they won't just give him $$$, she is making him take steps before she will afford him anything...good for her, about time...
ANYHOW...he has this girl that he met while in college this past fall, of which he flunked out as he relapsed and I didnt' know...and I met her twice now, she is a tiny little thing, so cute.....BUT she has an eating disorder, she is heavily anorexic. She has been in and out of the treatment center about 3 times now since the fall.....now she is out and they are 'living together' at her fathers. My problem is I have seen a 'pattern' to her going to treatment, it seems to be when he 'relapses' and I had to do some digging to piece it together....I mentioned this to him the other day that he needed to be REALLY true to this girl. That he has issues HE needs to take care of and not have her with him to straighten out his life as she is trying to work on her own and when HE falls, so does she and this is life threatening to BOTH of them.
I dont' know WHAT he is thinking..he says he loves her and on the flip side, since they have been 'living together' (about 3 weeks now), when I talk to him he doesn't have that 'high sounding voice' that i have witnessed, he has gone to the VA and is getting direction to help himself and get himself back on his feet....so maybe it is a 'good thing' that he is cleaning up to help her as well?
The sad part to all this, is my son has a BIG heart! He has ALWAYS put out a hand to someone that needed help since he was 3 and told me that he wanted to give his newly acquired tool bench he got as a gift and his bike that he outgrew quickly to the local Community Christmas and when we got there INSISTED he carry the items in himself...it was sooo cute and he had grown men tearing up at the center...LOL....on Thanksgiving, he insisted we help the local food bank deliver Turkey Baskets to the local elderly housing....he was adorable, then 8 years old.....that is just who he is....
So could this be a pivotal moment, a pivotal relationship for him to turn it all around? He has had 3 relationships in his life, this being one, and the 1st love of his life, I adored her and she left him when he went into the Navy and broke his heart. The 2nd was the (insert bad word here) that he was doing the drugs with.....she is now pregnant and still shooting heroin, NICE HUH? She dumped him when he went to jail last year, (he got arrested for the heroin that SHE put on the passenger side visor of his car and she pulled down the visor when the cops stopped and it fell down...HE said it was his so she wouldn't get in trouble...ick...)hooked up with this other guy and is now preggie....I couldn't STAND her....she was a pig...and she was VERY rude to me every chance she got....I was SO happy when they 'broke up'....
I just hope that God will look down on both of them and that they help each other....
now her father told him that he had to find some where else to live that he has 'overstayed' his welcome....he is currently trying to find a place to live for the both of them....arg....
Thanks for reading, I'm venting....I'm not letting him live back here again, I'm standing strong, he isn't bitter, neither am I but I pray many times a day that they both find their way and that he stays off drugs and gets his crap together.....
ANYHOW...he has this girl that he met while in college this past fall, of which he flunked out as he relapsed and I didnt' know...and I met her twice now, she is a tiny little thing, so cute.....BUT she has an eating disorder, she is heavily anorexic. She has been in and out of the treatment center about 3 times now since the fall.....now she is out and they are 'living together' at her fathers. My problem is I have seen a 'pattern' to her going to treatment, it seems to be when he 'relapses' and I had to do some digging to piece it together....I mentioned this to him the other day that he needed to be REALLY true to this girl. That he has issues HE needs to take care of and not have her with him to straighten out his life as she is trying to work on her own and when HE falls, so does she and this is life threatening to BOTH of them.
I dont' know WHAT he is thinking..he says he loves her and on the flip side, since they have been 'living together' (about 3 weeks now), when I talk to him he doesn't have that 'high sounding voice' that i have witnessed, he has gone to the VA and is getting direction to help himself and get himself back on his feet....so maybe it is a 'good thing' that he is cleaning up to help her as well?
The sad part to all this, is my son has a BIG heart! He has ALWAYS put out a hand to someone that needed help since he was 3 and told me that he wanted to give his newly acquired tool bench he got as a gift and his bike that he outgrew quickly to the local Community Christmas and when we got there INSISTED he carry the items in himself...it was sooo cute and he had grown men tearing up at the center...LOL....on Thanksgiving, he insisted we help the local food bank deliver Turkey Baskets to the local elderly housing....he was adorable, then 8 years old.....that is just who he is....
So could this be a pivotal moment, a pivotal relationship for him to turn it all around? He has had 3 relationships in his life, this being one, and the 1st love of his life, I adored her and she left him when he went into the Navy and broke his heart. The 2nd was the (insert bad word here) that he was doing the drugs with.....she is now pregnant and still shooting heroin, NICE HUH? She dumped him when he went to jail last year, (he got arrested for the heroin that SHE put on the passenger side visor of his car and she pulled down the visor when the cops stopped and it fell down...HE said it was his so she wouldn't get in trouble...ick...)hooked up with this other guy and is now preggie....I couldn't STAND her....she was a pig...and she was VERY rude to me every chance she got....I was SO happy when they 'broke up'....
I just hope that God will look down on both of them and that they help each other....
now her father told him that he had to find some where else to live that he has 'overstayed' his welcome....he is currently trying to find a place to live for the both of them....arg....
Thanks for reading, I'm venting....I'm not letting him live back here again, I'm standing strong, he isn't bitter, neither am I but I pray many times a day that they both find their way and that he stays off drugs and gets his crap together.....
This whole thing sucks! BUT on the flip side, I have become numb, which helps me remain strong for myself....I'm not running here and there, chasing my tail....he is ON HIS OWN and needs to figure it out....
I have come to terms with the fact that if this is what he chooses, so be it....if he changes it around and does better WAY TO GO and proud of him....but i can't forge his future, only he can do that....
There should be some type of manual PRIOR to having children:
1.) if you are afraid of having a child that may fail you at times, don't do it
2.) if you are afraid of drama, don't have a child.
3.) if you think 'your child' will be different from your neighbors child that is out of control, don't have a child, it's a crap shoot...
4.) if you think that because of who YOU are, your kids will be 10 times better..don't have a child, better to put your money with a bookie.
5.) if you think that your life will be all roses no thorns, don't have a child and don't get married either.
I'm just saying..... LOL....
Today is just a blah day....but there is always tomorrow.....again, he can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk?